I yearn for my Mom

by Ellie

My Mom died 3 weeks ago. She was 78 and died after complications of a surgery which in retrospect she should not have had. I live in Australia and she lived on another continent. I'm battling the 'what ifs' and the 'if only's'. I cognitively realise that even if I had been there her health was so poor it would have made little difference. I know my siblings cared for her - I know that I travelled there 4 times in one year to support her, but my heart is unbearably sore.

I was her only daughter and we were very close in spite of the distance. I miss her cheery hello, her wonderfully entertaining stories, our long gossipy conversations, her unconditional love.

My Dad also died 14 months ago and I now feel untethered, as though I have lost the links that gave me identity and security. I feel like a lost child and I yearn to hold my mom and be with her. As a psychologist I work with people in emotional pain every day - but nothing has prepared me for this fierce ache I carry now.

Comments for I yearn for my Mom

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Mar 09, 2013
I yearn for my Mom
by: Doreen U.K.

Ellie I am sorry for your loss of your Mom. I am sorry for the difficulties you face being of a distance that adds to your sorrow.
This is the saddest part of living in another country. My sister lives in Australia and had to make the journey 5 times to bury someone here at home in England. We emigrated to Canada over 30yrs ago and came home within one year. Best decision my husband made. WE didn't know that he had a deadly cancer growing in him from his 20's when he as a young father cut Asbestos and got this inoperable, incurable aggressive cancer that takes between 40-60years to develop. We were married 44yrs. and I lost him 10 months ago. I nursed him for 3yrs.39days. A very painful time of caring for someone who didn't want to die. He was sad all the time.
I was in counselling for years so I have moved forward in ways that has given me the strength to go on despite life's difficulties. I also have a strong Faith and Belief in God that carries me now each day. BUT I had a good psychologist/counsellor who gave me back my life. It was a very cathartic experience. I endorse the work you do. God Bless you for what you are doing for other people through your occupation.
Even professional people like yourself bleed, and hurt, and suffer grief and loss and have to go in and counsel other whilst supressing your own pain. As a psychologist you will have a supervisor who you see regularly. I know how the system works. You should try and offload how you are feeling and get the support you need. You could see some other counsellor not connected to your workplace. Because of the boundaries it would be a good suggestion. We are all human and hurt no matter if we are in a caring profession. After my counselling I went on to give 8yrs. back in voluntary work to Mental Health and developed skills I can use now to support others.
The only positive thing to come out of your experience of loss is the ability to feel more deeply from personal experience how this feels and it will add a dimension to your work in supporting your clients. It will also bring you deep healing every time you have to counsel someone in this area. I can assure you that this website and the ability to relate and write and support others here is creative healing. You will heal from your loss in your type of work as a psychologist. It is only time that will bring healing to you. And time can feel like we have it forever. But if you need support you can write back or to me doreenelkington@aol.com I wish you every success in life and in your work and may you be comforted in your sorrow and Grief and find a way out that will help you to move forward soon.

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