I yearn for my Mom
My Mom died 3 weeks ago. She was 78 and died after complications of a surgery which in retrospect she should not have had. I live in Australia and she lived on another continent. I'm battling the 'what ifs' and the 'if only's'. I cognitively realise that even if I had been there her health was so poor it would have made little difference. I know my siblings cared for her - I know that I travelled there 4 times in one year to support her, but my heart is unbearably sore.
I was her only daughter and we were very close in spite of the distance. I miss her cheery hello, her wonderfully entertaining stories, our long gossipy conversations, her unconditional love.
My Dad also died 14 months ago and I now feel untethered, as though I have lost the links that gave me identity and security. I feel like a lost child and I yearn to hold my mom and be with her. As a psychologist I work with people in emotional pain every day - but nothing has prepared me for this fierce ache I carry now.