If you've ever cared for me, loved me, or considered me your friend.....

by Alan aka guido
(Maine)

.....please read the following:
If you've ever cared for me please treat me gently, I'm going through the hardest thing a person can go through. Treat me with as much patience as you possibly can. I'm very fragile right now, and I don't know how long, if ever really, it will take for me to be the person you used to know.

If you've ever cared for me please don't be afraid to say my loved ones name, I yearn to hear it. You will not be struck down by lightning, and it's ok if I shed a tear. Maybe , just maybe, a smile from heaven will rain down on you and you'll feel the love I still do, if just for a moment or two. Perhaps when I'm older and grayer I'll climb the highest mountain I'm able to and shout at the top of my lungs the name I can't possibly get out of my soul.

If you've ever cared for me please understand that I'm all alone now, and at times these four walls seem to be closing in. I'm not complaining you see. When I feel talkative or have the need to just converse please don't make everything a debate. I'm just not in the mood and truly not up for it.

If you've ever cared for me please realize that my telephone still works just fine and there is nothing stopping you from calling me to say Hello, or Hi. Please don't give me advice on what I should or should not be doing, or how I should be moving on by now. I know you have my best interest at heart but what I need is for you to just listen, or lend me your shoulder on occasion. I apologize if I repeat the same things over and over again, they say this is a normal part of this grief trip which I must travel.

If you've ever cared for me please forgive me if I'm short with you or I'm in a sad mood and I don't smile quite as much as I used to. I might have just heard a song my soulmate and I used to share or saw a dog that reminded me of our favorite or saw a commercial on tv we used to laugh at or was just thinking that it's amazing how much you can miss someone or........

If you've ever cared for me please realize that holidays may not hold the meaning they once did and I may not be able to bake up a batch of Aunt Matilda's famous butter cookies this year. Maybe next year.

If you've ever cared for me please don't ask me to make travel plans right now, I truly take it one day, hour, or minute at a time. I can't wrap my head around what I'm going to be doing next week, let alone next summer. It's not that I don't want to see you, Lord knows I can use all the hugs I can get, but I'm truly finding it hard to plan things right now.

If you've ever cared for me please try to understand that the reason I've been acting this way is that my heart has been ripped out of me and I sometimes feel like a leper on a deserted island. If you're nice enough to ask me out for lunch and I say no, not today, don't take it personally.You may think I spend way too much time at home, alone. And you're probably right, but right now I need my home and every comfort it brings me. When I'm ready, lunch will be on me.

If you've ever cared for me, loved me, or considered me your friend I ask one last request of you: Please don't sweep the memory of my loved one under the rug. Remember her, rejoice in the love she blessed you with, what's a tear or two amongst friends or loved ones? Think of her voice, think of her when Pink Floyd is on the radio, relish the beauty, kindness, compassion, friendship she showed you. Think of how much she loved snow, and puppies, and how she patiently fed the chipmunks. Think of how I had to buy special worm gloves for her to wear when we went fishing. Think of the joy we shared on weekends on our Harley, the laughter we shared.Think of her in spring, planting flowers in our garden. Know that love truly does make the world go around, makes life worth living. Know that she will always be my hero, my one true love, my best friend, my confidente,truly my better half, the greatest cook in the world, the funniest person I've ever met, the true definition of a lady, breathtakingly beautiful, my lover, my Donna. Know that wherever beauty lies, she will be there. Know that the world is a better, more wonderful place just because she was and will always be in it.

If you could feel the love we shared, see the beauty in things we shared in our life together, and experience just for 5 minutes how rich she made me you'd realize that my request's are not that great at all, and the love she freely gave you when she was here physically will always be with you.

I am truly a blessed man.

Comments for If you've ever cared for me, loved me, or considered me your friend.....

Click here to add your own comments

Dec 20, 2012
'wow' is an understatement
by: Anonymous

Oh, Alan...thank you for your well worded post. It was read through abundant tears. My husband left for work 2 months ago today, but never arrived. My world has a gaping wound I could never have imagined. It would help so much if one's friends could glimpse the jagged edges of what you said, and take it to heart. What they could do with those lovely guidelines could bless lots of us. Thank you again.

Dec 08, 2012
As I feel
by: Linda

Reading your story was like looking in the mirror, you shared exactly what I have been wanting others to understand including our times on the harley. Its been six month's and my first holidays alone and thats where I will be whether others understand or not I know now I am not crazy, its normal to feel this way. Thank you for sharing

Nov 29, 2012
Thank You So Much
by: Robin

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. My nephew was murdered two years ago and it feels like yesterday and your words ring so true, life is just not the same and it will never be. Thank you so much for putting into words exactly what I am feeling. Thank you and may our hearts continue to heal while we keep the memory of our loved one alive...thank you

Nov 28, 2012
know how you feel
by: Anonymous

Dear Alan, You said everything that I am thinking. Yesterday I had to get lectures from all of my friends about how I had to move forward. I was told how I should be going to Christmas parties and luncheons, and enjoying the holidays. All of these people still have their spouses, and, while they mean well, do not have a clue what this time of year is like without my husband. Wishing you well. Thanks for sharing your feelings. Joanne, Chicago

Nov 28, 2012
Wow!
by: Pat

You said all the words I have grappled with to try to say to others who just don't understand...it is okay to talk about Bob...he is still in my heart and my soul and will be there forever...don't ignore that he ever existed like that will help me get through this.

Nov 25, 2012
Well put
by: Judith in California

Alan, what a great way to put your feelings . I wish I had said this two years ago when my love passed. WE who have lost our mates travel a very long and horrific roller coaster ride of emotions and it would help if those who have not yet gone on that ride would just understand we will never really be the same.

You put it beautifully.

God bless.

Nov 25, 2012
Well put
by: Judith in California

Alan, what a great way to put your feelings . I wish I had siad this two years ago whne my love passed. WE who have lost our mates travel a very long and horrific roller coaster ride of emotions and it would help if those who have not yet gone on that ride would just understand we will never really be the same.

You put it beautifully.

God bless.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!