If you've ever cared for me, loved me, or considered me your friend.....
by Alan aka guido
.....please read the following:
If you've ever cared for me please treat me gently, I'm going through the hardest thing a person can go through. Treat me with as much patience as you possibly can. I'm very fragile right now, and I don't know how long, if ever really, it will take for me to be the person you used to know.
If you've ever cared for me please don't be afraid to say my loved ones name, I yearn to hear it. You will not be struck down by lightning, and it's ok if I shed a tear. Maybe , just maybe, a smile from heaven will rain down on you and you'll feel the love I still do, if just for a moment or two. Perhaps when I'm older and grayer I'll climb the highest mountain I'm able to and shout at the top of my lungs the name I can't possibly get out of my soul.
If you've ever cared for me please understand that I'm all alone now, and at times these four walls seem to be closing in. I'm not complaining you see. When I feel talkative or have the need to just converse please don't make everything a debate. I'm just not in the mood and truly not up for it.
If you've ever cared for me please realize that my telephone still works just fine and there is nothing stopping you from calling me to say Hello, or Hi. Please don't give me advice on what I should or should not be doing, or how I should be moving on by now. I know you have my best interest at heart but what I need is for you to just listen, or lend me your shoulder on occasion. I apologize if I repeat the same things over and over again, they say this is a normal part of this grief trip which I must travel.
If you've ever cared for me please forgive me if I'm short with you or I'm in a sad mood and I don't smile quite as much as I used to. I might have just heard a song my soulmate and I used to share or saw a dog that reminded me of our favorite or saw a commercial on tv we used to laugh at or was just thinking that it's amazing how much you can miss someone or........
If you've ever cared for me please realize that holidays may not hold the meaning they once did and I may not be able to bake up a batch of Aunt Matilda's famous butter cookies this year. Maybe next year.
If you've ever cared for me please don't ask me to make travel plans right now, I truly take it one day, hour, or minute at a time. I can't wrap my head around what I'm going to be doing next week, let alone next summer. It's not that I don't want to see you, Lord knows I can use all the hugs I can get, but I'm truly finding it hard to plan things right now.
If you've ever cared for me please try to understand that the reason I've been acting this way is that my heart has been ripped out of me and I sometimes feel like a leper on a deserted island. If you're nice enough to ask me out for lunch and I say no, not today, don't take it personally.You may think I spend way too much time at home, alone. And you're probably right, but right now I need my home and every comfort it brings me. When I'm ready, lunch will be on me.
If you've ever cared for me, loved me, or considered me your friend I ask one last request of you: Please don't sweep the memory of my loved one under the rug. Remember her, rejoice in the love she blessed you with, what's a tear or two amongst friends or loved ones? Think of her voice, think of her when Pink Floyd is on the radio, relish the beauty, kindness, compassion, friendship she showed you. Think of how much she loved snow, and puppies, and how she patiently fed the chipmunks. Think of how I had to buy special worm gloves for her to wear when we went fishing. Think of the joy we shared on weekends on our Harley, the laughter we shared.Think of her in spring, planting flowers in our garden. Know that love truly does make the world go around, makes life worth living. Know that she will always be my hero, my one true love, my best friend, my confidente,truly my better half, the greatest cook in the world, the funniest person I've ever met, the true definition of a lady, breathtakingly beautiful, my lover, my Donna. Know that wherever beauty lies, she will be there. Know that the world is a better, more wonderful place just because she was and will always be in it.
If you could feel the love we shared, see the beauty in things we shared in our life together, and experience just for 5 minutes how rich she made me you'd realize that my request's are not that great at all, and the love she freely gave you when she was here physically will always be with you.
I am truly a blessed man.