If you've experienced the worst breakup imaginable, after a long relationship..
by Kelsy Mills
When i was 15 i met a guy named jake. i liked him the first time i saw him, and the second time i had a crush. it was the beginning of that summer that i met him, and by the end of the summer we started dating. i knew when i went into it it might not be forever and i have to be prepared for a breakup if or when it happened. Well little did i know that we would end up lasting for a little over two years.
We were each others first love and first relationship. we had a handful of fights and never had any problems we couldn't work out. We were almost perfectly matched it seemed. We got to the stage where you could look at us together and know we loved each other deeply.
But as time went on, it was as if he just changed and started to become more angry and bitter about life. One of his sayings became f people.. i couldn't understand why he was changing like this. Eventually he started disrespecting me. Saying things really disrespectful like, 'shh, no one cares what you think kelsy', or 'stop. just dont talk. dont hurt yourself' but would always say 'nah im just kiddin you know that.'
Although I'd told him be careful of what you say to me because i don't take jokes well...
One time my sister, his brother, him, and i went over to his house. I just did my nails and i asked nicely if he could open my pop for me. he just went off sounding angry like, 'God! you can't even open a f ing pop can, can you?! do i need to do everything for you?? jeez what else should i do? your nails aren't even that good! They remind me of my grandmas dress that i hate!'
It was really appalling to hear that come out of my boyfriends mouth, and i just stood there embarrassed in front of his mom, brother, and my sister, wondering if he really just said all those things to me.
Well eventually, I realized that he had changed for good and wasn't the same person i started dating two years ago. We were completely the opposite in every major issue in a relationship and in life. i called him up and was wondering where we should go if I'm feeling this way and he just said 'so you wanna end it then?'
I knew in my heart it was time to go and i couldn't convince myself otherwise. So that was the end, and i was okay with how it ended. sad at times and a little lonely, but i took great comfort in knowing that it was a clean break in the end with no hard feelings- just as i had hoped it would be.
However a few months later i heard that he had been telling people he hated me. So i naturally asked him if we were okay. He went off completely on me and said many hurtful and insulting things, like telling me i cheated on him, etc..
Ever since then I've been trying to simply work though some of the awful things he said, and have some closure to the hard feelings. Things just got worse and worse each time we tried to talk. He told me 'you need to get over it. Whatever. What i said and did is done, and you need to get over this and move on. because i have'..
This was 4 or 5 months after a two year relationship. i asked if he even still loved me at all after the two years and he said no. I was so hurt he could just shut off the love for me that he had had, and even wondered if he loved me at all when we dated.
The things he said to me stuck like glue for months and months, and even now, though the words have faded the intense and excruciating pain is still lingering (on some days) of how it all ended. I can't seem to get rid of it. . although i should mention that i haven't tried to 'fix anything' and be friends because it's a lost cause, and have cut contact now.
The love and hate i still feel for him just rips me apart sometimes. I'm almost 18 now and although i have a wonderful!! amazing man I'm with now who really tries to help me, understands I'm hurting, and is supportive of me moving on and whatever I'm feeling, (which REALLY helps) it's still very hard to work through the first love. All the memories we had (along with running into the places we had them), the horrible ending of it all, (and the fact that my boyfriend lives in Texas and i live way up north doesn't help either.)
It feels like the death of not just one person, but two. my best friend and my boyfriend. It's very difficult to deal with it all and i just wish i had someone to talk to who was going through exactly what im going through.
Although they try, no one understands what it feels like unless you have been there or are there yourself, and that you can't truly just switch off all emotions and pain from something from a long first relationship.
Is there anyone out there with a similar situation that knows what this feels like? Cuz so far, i have found none who do..
(sorry for the long story to read..i guess i needed to get this out more than i thought!)