I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, MOM
MY MOM WAS 87 YEARS OLD, HEALTHY AND ALERT, WE THOUGHT. SHE WAS SUCH A JOY TO BE WITH. SHE STILL DROVE, THAT WORRIED ME. SHE LIVED ALONE. THAT WORRIED ME. SHE HAD A SLIGHT HEART PROBLEM, HAD SUFFERED A BROKEN HIP 8 YEARS AGO, AND I HAD BEEN SCARED OF LOSING HER FROM THE TIME I WAS ABOUT TEN YEARS OLD. IF SHE FELT BAD, I'D BE UNEASY.
ON JULY 6TH 2009, SHE WAS A LITTLE CONFUSED AND DIDN'T FEEL WELL. WE TOOK HER TO THE HOSPITAL FOR A QUICK CHECK UP. ON THE 7TH, THEY TOLD US SHE HAD LIVER CANCER AND IT HAD SPREAD ALL OVER HER BODY. EIGHT HOURS LATER, SHE WAS GONE.
EVERYTHING I WORRIED ABOUT, DIDN'T HAPPEN. BUT WHAT I LEAST EXPECTED, DID. SO SUDDEN. GONE. I FELT LIKE I COULDN'T LIVE. I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH OF THE SERVICES OR PEOPLE OR DAYS THAT FOLLOWED. I COULDN'T STOP CRYING. SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND, MY MOM. SHE LIVED IN THE NEXT HOUSE TO ME, I HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED AT HER HOME. I HAVEN'T BEEN BACK TO THE CEMETERY.
I FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT VISITING HER GRAVE SITE. BUT I CAN'T. I SHOULD FEEL BLESSED THAT SHE DIDN'T SUFFER, OR HAVE TO GO TO A NURSING HOME, SHE NEVER EVEN TOOK ANY PAIN MEDS, NOT EVEN A TYLENOL.
I HAVE A GREAT FAMILY. BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT OF THE HOUSE, OR TALK TO FRIENDS, OR DO THINGS I DID PREVIOUSLY. I WANT TO BE ALONE. I CRY CONSTANTLY. BUT I HAVE FAITH THAT TIME AND GOD WILL GET ME THROUGH THIS. IT HURTS SO BADLY.
WITH HOLIDAYS COMING UP, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
SHE WAS A GOOD MOTHER, A CHRISTIAN, AND A LOVELY LADY. IT WAS SO SUDDEN, BUT I CAN FEEL HER PRESENCE EVERY DAY. I'LL LOVE HER AND KEEP HER IN MY HEART FOREVER.
