I'm 14, my dad died of cancer 4 months ago
hello my name is flora, i'm 14 years old and my dad died of cancer 4 months ago. in july 2011 my dad and mum got told that my dad had lung and liver cancer, me and my brother got told on the 27th and they told us it would be okay and it's cureable. they were wrong. in august my dad started to have chemo, he got very very ill from it and stayed in bed for a while, then september time he was alright ish, was doing normal things, but he left his job and everything. me and my dad did our usual daily routine of watching tv on the sofa all day long and watching films, we had so many inside jokes and things we used to say that no one else would get, and we had our favourite music which no one would understand. i was the closest to my dad, and i was a daddy's girl. in december he had more chemo, he started to get VERY ill. my mum told me he only had about 4 months to live. from that point i spent most of my days crying in my dads arms, but he always used to tell me it was all going to be okay! christmas was so sad:( we all knew it would be our last christmas with him:'( in january he started to get alot worse, his cancer had spread to his back,eye and brain. he went to hospital for about a week, and me and my brother used to go and visit him after school every single day. i still remember it like it was yesterday! we just spent most of our time sitting with him, cuddling him, talking to him about important things. he was very weak by this time, and he came home. But it wasn't the same, we had a hospital room set up in my house with a hospital bed and all his medicines in the room. it was weird! i feel so guilty now, because my mum used to always say to me 'go and see your dad he's lonley by himself' i never did. i was so selfish, i would do anything to sit with him now:'( anyway the day before he died was horrible, i remember it so clearly. i got home from school, went to the shop, bought a milkyway bar, came home, went and saw my dad, ate the milkybar, and then i said to my mum 'i havn't seen daddy smile in ages' so my mum whispred something to my dad, then my mum walked out. my dad gestured his hands to say 'come here' but he couldn't speak, he was too weak really... anyway, then he gave me the biggest smile ever and said 'everythings going to be okay sweetie, i promise' then i hugged him (i still remember the warmth of hugging him) i cried so hard:( he then said 'you'll always be my little girl' we both were crying. i'd never seen my dad cry before so it was scary! then he said 'come and see me whenever you want darling' as i walked upstairs, i said 'okay daddy!' but i never did. i regret that so much. next morning i was getting ready for school, and my mum came up the stairs and said 'darling, he's gone..:'(' that moment, i stood there in shock, then i burst into tears screaming whyyy and nooo, and i was just screaming my head off and crying. then my brother came in and did the same:'( we went downstairs to see my dad, laying there, dead. it was the most horrible thing ever, i just sat by him screaming his name:'(
3 days later, i went to school. everyone was giving me hugs and asking me if i was alright, and i couldnt stop crying all day...
4 months later, im still crying, everyday. i miss him more than anything, i was the closest to him, and now i feel so alone and like half of me is completely gone.
im never going to see him again :'(