I'm 14, my dad died of cancer 4 months ago

by Flora

hello my name is flora, i'm 14 years old and my dad died of cancer 4 months ago. in july 2011 my dad and mum got told that my dad had lung and liver cancer, me and my brother got told on the 27th and they told us it would be okay and it's cureable. they were wrong. in august my dad started to have chemo, he got very very ill from it and stayed in bed for a while, then september time he was alright ish, was doing normal things, but he left his job and everything. me and my dad did our usual daily routine of watching tv on the sofa all day long and watching films, we had so many inside jokes and things we used to say that no one else would get, and we had our favourite music which no one would understand. i was the closest to my dad, and i was a daddy's girl. in december he had more chemo, he started to get VERY ill. my mum told me he only had about 4 months to live. from that point i spent most of my days crying in my dads arms, but he always used to tell me it was all going to be okay! christmas was so sad:( we all knew it would be our last christmas with him:'( in january he started to get alot worse, his cancer had spread to his back,eye and brain. he went to hospital for about a week, and me and my brother used to go and visit him after school every single day. i still remember it like it was yesterday! we just spent most of our time sitting with him, cuddling him, talking to him about important things. he was very weak by this time, and he came home. But it wasn't the same, we had a hospital room set up in my house with a hospital bed and all his medicines in the room. it was weird! i feel so guilty now, because my mum used to always say to me 'go and see your dad he's lonley by himself' i never did. i was so selfish, i would do anything to sit with him now:'( anyway the day before he died was horrible, i remember it so clearly. i got home from school, went to the shop, bought a milkyway bar, came home, went and saw my dad, ate the milkybar, and then i said to my mum 'i havn't seen daddy smile in ages' so my mum whispred something to my dad, then my mum walked out. my dad gestured his hands to say 'come here' but he couldn't speak, he was too weak really... anyway, then he gave me the biggest smile ever and said 'everythings going to be okay sweetie, i promise' then i hugged him (i still remember the warmth of hugging him) i cried so hard:( he then said 'you'll always be my little girl' we both were crying. i'd never seen my dad cry before so it was scary! then he said 'come and see me whenever you want darling' as i walked upstairs, i said 'okay daddy!' but i never did. i regret that so much. next morning i was getting ready for school, and my mum came up the stairs and said 'darling, he's gone..:'(' that moment, i stood there in shock, then i burst into tears screaming whyyy and nooo, and i was just screaming my head off and crying. then my brother came in and did the same:'( we went downstairs to see my dad, laying there, dead. it was the most horrible thing ever, i just sat by him screaming his name:'(
3 days later, i went to school. everyone was giving me hugs and asking me if i was alright, and i couldnt stop crying all day...
4 months later, im still crying, everyday. i miss him more than anything, i was the closest to him, and now i feel so alone and like half of me is completely gone.
im never going to see him again :'(

-flora x

Comments for I'm 14, my dad died of cancer 4 months ago

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Dec 11, 2012
Here too
by: Anonymous

Hi Flora, I'm sorry about your Dad.

I just went through loosing my dad too, and I'm 14 also. I just wanted to comment to tell you that I know it's horribly sad, but be happy that you had him for those four months. I know that you said you didn't always go to see him, but think about those times you sat with him and watched those movies. I was my Dad's little girl too. I have two older brothers, and I'm the youngest(The only girl) I was very close to my dad, and I'm still not sure how to handle him being gone. But anyway, I think you should know that you are very lucky you had so long to prepare, and be with him. I got three days, and the entire time he was on life support. It wasn't fair because he was just supposed to have the Flu, yet three days after he was fine, perfectly fine, with just a minor case of the Flu, he died. I never got to say good-bye to my dad, so Count your blessings.

Oct 25, 2012
Know how you feel
by: Erlend (Norway)

In august my father died when i was 13 years old.
He died og brain cancer. At the time i was addicted to gaming on computers and i didnt see him much.
I know how you feel, and right after i felt bad for myself. I didnt think anyone felt like me. I think you know what i mean.

Want too talk too you so if you read this send a mail too erlend.tordahl@gmail.com im 14 now and could use someone too share stories with

May 12, 2012
by: Geoffrey Campbell

My dear Flora, I'm not smart,but I'm just speaking from my heart, yours is the saddest and most beautiful letter I have ever read about a Dad and his daughter! I cried so while reading it, but thought, wow, the love here is as deep as the ocean! Your letter is very honorable, and the ripples of your Dad's love and influence will be felt all your life, till that day when God reunites you and your Dad. Oh Flora, you are so very, very precious! We are praying for you, dear Flora!

May 12, 2012
I'm sorry
by: Nancy

To be 14 and lose your daddy - just is not fair - for that I am sorry. I am glad that you did get to spend some time with your dad. I am a lot older than you are and I lost my mother to lung cancer - and it was tough. You will never forget all the love that your daddy has poured into you - he has not left you. His body has become sick and diseased and that is what left - his spirit is all around you - his memories are very much a part of who you are and will continue to be. In the future, you will be reminded of him when you look in the mirror, or when you come across someone who shares the same aftershave or if someone tells the kind of joke. His love for you will never stop. Try not to stop talking about him. He is a part of your family. When you get married and have children, share your experiences of your dad with your husband and your kids - let them know just how much he meant to you. Talk to your mom and brother - they probably need to know that you need their support. As fare as your crying all the time, don't worry about it - you are grieving, and everyone - grieves at their own pace. If you feel a need to talk, check out a grief counselor, or a guidance counselor, or a church pastor - you are okay....you can keep connecting here....Lots of love....Nancy

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