I'm 19 and lost my mother 2 weeks ago

by Lauren

My mam battled with chrons disease for two decades. There were three occasions I found her collapsed and had to ring the ambulance myself. On the last occasion I found her blue and convulsing. She died last night and now when I close my eyes her blank stare is all I see. I love her so much and I feel guilty that she died surrounded by doctors and was probably terrified. I know people say it gets better but I can't see how that can be true considering I'll never see her again. As hard as I try I can't force myself to believe in god or heaven or a 'special place' people go too after death. To me, she's gone and that terrifies me to the point of trembling. I feel lost and nothing is worth any effort anymore.

Comments for I'm 19 and lost my mother 2 weeks ago

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Aug 02, 2014
I am 19 and lost my mother 2 weeks ago
by: Jane

I am so sorry that you have lost your dear mam. 2 weeks is not enough for your soul to even relize that your mom had gone. Your head knows it, but it needs time til your soul will accept it. My mom died almot 15 months ago and my soul still got Problems, to accept her death. Just give your self all the time you need. Take one step other the other to go thru this dark grieving tunnel. Even you don´t believe in God, he is on your side. Just take every day like it comes. Maybe you have somebody you can talk too, who unterstand you, that is helping a lot. I still have some Problems with God, but I can feel He is on my side.Your Mom is in your heart, but different. I know you want her back like she was with her Body, but her Body has gone. The Body is only the cover from the Soul. And the Soul is the big present inside the body. And this will never die.Your grieving will change every day, every our, sometimes every minute. For me it was the best to learn to live my life with the grief. The griefing waves are coming and going. Small ones and real big ones, who just overwhelming my self. I have to accept them. They are a new part of my life. Just take one day after the other and don´t force your grief. Give your Soul all the time she needs. It is realy a hard, hard way to go. Very often I thought I don´t make it. But God is on your side, even if you don´t can believe it right know. I think sometimes too, for what is it worth to live without my mom. Well I wish, I could make her happy and proud than she sees me from heaven. But this is still very difficult for me too. But we have to learn to trust and not to give up. This I have to tell my self every day too, because yesterday a big griefing wave had hit me and I couldn´t stopf crying. Then friends called me up and it got better. God is with you even you can not feel him right now.

Aug 01, 2014
May Lord give you courage
by: Sandy

I'm really feeling sad reading your blog and can understand your pain of losing your beloved mom at your threshold of adulthood. In June '14 , my dad passed away suddenly and I'm at total loss. Everyone consoled me saying that my Dad did not suffer and had a peaceful death but only I know what it feels to lose our beloved parent. I am deeply hurt about the fact that we daughters were not by his side during his last moments. He appears in my dreams almost frequently , It seems as if he wanted to convey many messages to me but could not do so due to sudden demise. My prayers are with you and may the Lord give you strength and courage to bear her loss. May your mom's soul rest in peace. Time is a great healer they say. Pray to the Almighty.

Aug 01, 2014
I'm 19 and lost my mother 2 weeks ago
by: Doreen UK

Lauren I am so sorry for your loss of your Mom. At age 19yrs. you are still so young and needed your mother more so now into early adulthood. We never outgrow our mothers. You are frightened and overwhelmed by all these emotions and unbearable pain of never seeing your mother again. IT HURTS. I lost my mother 11yrs. ago and it took me 9yrs. to recover. I just lost my husband to cancer 2yrs. ago and this is my worst loss. I felt as if I would never recover and be this way forever with this unbearable pain. The emptiness, loneliness, and anger is all you will feel. It is so hard living with someone all your life and then suddenly they are not there anymore. Knowing you will never see them again is so hard to go through each day.
I found the best way forward is TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. It is too soon for you to start processing God, and heaven if you have not had this in your life. There will be a Time when you may be able to take this on board. For me I have believed in God and heaven all my life so I don't feel overwhelmed. I know I will see my husband again and I do believe in Heaven.
As you mature your thoughts will change as you heal from your loss of your mother. You will in time recover from your grief.

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