I'm 19 and lost my mother 2 weeks ago
My mam battled with chrons disease for two decades. There were three occasions I found her collapsed and had to ring the ambulance myself. On the last occasion I found her blue and convulsing. She died last night and now when I close my eyes her blank stare is all I see. I love her so much and I feel guilty that she died surrounded by doctors and was probably terrified. I know people say it gets better but I can't see how that can be true considering I'll never see her again. As hard as I try I can't force myself to believe in god or heaven or a 'special place' people go too after death. To me, she's gone and that terrifies me to the point of trembling. I feel lost and nothing is worth any effort anymore.