I'm 29 and found my mom who had no health problems.

by Dustin Crane
(Santa Cruz, CA)



My mother was the world to me. I moved away for college but besides that my mom and i were

always living in the same house. I was her caretaker, best friend, each others comfort and one

side of a bridge that kept each other standing. My mom had mental issues and had to struggle to

get through everyday with the panic attacks and voices, but the average person couldn't tell,

besides for the fact she rarely left the house. I integrated all my friends into her life, and

made sure she was always ok and knew I was there if she was in a bad place in her mind or

needed a hug. I also have anxiety issues and know how'd she feel, and unlike a lot of the family

who didn't understand depression issues, would never make her feel alienated or alone. Then on

Christmas Eve morning I come downstairs to find her gone, laying on her bed next to her cat all

alone. And it haunts me, and i'm so unhappy and want her back. It seems like its been a long

time, but i still can't look at a picture of her and cry everyday in grieving. There isn't any medication that helps. I have nightmares at night and crippling images and thoughts in the day from finding her, and can only live everyday with the hope i'm going to wake up soon and its all a dream. She was 61 and healthy, but there was a complication in her normal dose of medicine. My whole family, besides my mother's sister and mother who also talked to her everyday and cared for her dearly, have been so harsh. They were here a couple days later after she went away to collect her stuff. Though my siblings i thought were so close have remained absent in the life of their mothers' handsome youngest son. She told me a few years ago that she chose me to live with the rest of her life, and i agreed. Even if i married and moved away, we agreed to always be together for life.

Comments for I'm 29 and found my mom who had no health problems.

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Sep 05, 2012
I feel your pain
by: Shiva

Dear Brother,

I feel the pain you are going through as I lost my mom too some 6 months ago. It has been very tough for me as she meant the world to me. Since I lost my father when I was a child, she was the one who raised me and my elder sis by herself.
After my sis got married 15 years ago,it was me and mom living together more as friends than as mother-son.
I feel grief and guilt as I feel I could have done something to avert what happened.She would fall ill frequently and I would get her treated. This time the treatment took a bad turn and she was gone.
It came as a blow to me. Now I am trying to come to terms with the fact that she is no more.

Buddy, its an empty feeling within me and I so much wish to be with her and hope to see her one day after I go too.

But till then trying real hard to piece my life together and move on. I do break down on and off but pull myself together and move on.
I hope God gives you the strength to bear this loss.
I'll pray for you. Be proud of yourself that you took care of your mom till her very end. She will surely bless you.

God bless you my friend for being a good son,

take care,

Shiva

Sep 02, 2012
I would like to give you a hug
by: Anonymous

Dustin, You are so lucky to have such a wonderful bond with your mother not everyone gets too. I am truly sorry for your lost. It sucks & it is okay to hurt. I can't even imaging your grief I can only tell you what I am going through. I loss my mother the day after mothers day 2012 & I found her. I was 27 just about to turn 28. I understand that image you can't seem to scrap from your mind & the bad dreams that just dont go away. I have hoped, wished, prayed & anything else I could think of to make it go away.

All I can say is I am reading a book called Don't take my grief away from me by Doug Manning. It is helping me. I still cry myself to sleep. I have to take life day by day sometime minute by minute. When my mom past her family did not even show up, not even her other children. I felt all alone without her. I do have a few people who stayed around and have been there. They try hard to help but they haven't lost anyone. They dont know how to help. I found a group for grieving in my community (I am the youngest by at least 30 years) but they understand. At least when I tell them how I feel, they don't look at me like my hair is on fire. I hope there is a group like that in your community & you can get comfort from them & their experiences.

Dustin tonight I am thinking of you. I am praying that something or someone will coming into your life that will help you with the pain of such a huge loss. If I was there I would give you a big hug.

Aug 26, 2012
I'm 29 and found my mom who had no health problems.
by: Doreen U.K.

Dustin I am sorry for your loss of your mom, and also the loss of a supportive family. You had a very special bond with your mom and she chose you to be her sole carer, confidant, and mentor. You evidently also had the qualities to do this for her otherwise she wouldn't have asked this immense task of you. Your mom had to have someone who would have her best interests at heart and also live an uncomplicated life, which she may have had with your siblings. When a person has mental health issues it can be very difficult for the that person and also for the carer even if there is absolute trust. If you are having anxiety issues and also finding it difficult to recover from the loss of your mom. You may benefit from seeing a grief counsellor. This support would be invaluable to you and you would get your life back. It would make a big difference if you had a loving supportive family who would make life easier for you and not more difficult. I am the middle daughter out of 5 girls and only one brother who is the youngest. My mother gave me a huge ammount of responsibility in looking after my siblings, looking after my baby brother, and getting an education. I was 14yrs. of age at the time. I was my mom's favourite daughter because she could rely on me. I faced a lot of sibling rivalry. I understand where you are at in the family and how damaging this family dynamics can become. See a counsellor due to the dynamics of this family set up. You wouldn't want your life to stop here and not progress and move forward into the happy person you could be from now on. You need to put people in your life who will be supportive and you can count on in life. It is part of grief to feel that this is all a dream and didn't happen. I go through this as well. You are traumatised by the loss of your mom, and how you found her at the end. A counsellor will be able to help you here so that the nightmares can eventually stop. You can go on to live a very healthy and happy life. If you don't have your siblings in your life. You can still build a life for yourself that will be meaningfull and happy.

Aug 25, 2012
I understand how you feel
by: Anonymous

Beautiful pictures!! I also lost my mother a few months ago (May) and can understand exactly what you are feeling..... I'm seen a therapist now and it's helping, but the pain and emptiness are still the same. I was my mothers only child and we had a very special bond, I feel like I lost my true best friend! I don't have words that would make you feel better but just wanted to let you know that I understand how you feel. I'm sorry for all the pain you are going through!!

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