I'm 29 and found my mom who had no health problems.
by Dustin Crane
(Santa Cruz, CA)
My mother was the world to me. I moved away for college but besides that my mom and i were
always living in the same house. I was her caretaker, best friend, each others comfort and one
side of a bridge that kept each other standing. My mom had mental issues and had to struggle to
get through everyday with the panic attacks and voices, but the average person couldn't tell,
besides for the fact she rarely left the house. I integrated all my friends into her life, and
made sure she was always ok and knew I was there if she was in a bad place in her mind or
needed a hug. I also have anxiety issues and know how'd she feel, and unlike a lot of the family
who didn't understand depression issues, would never make her feel alienated or alone. Then on
Christmas Eve morning I come downstairs to find her gone, laying on her bed next to her cat all
alone. And it haunts me, and i'm so unhappy and want her back. It seems like its been a long
time, but i still can't look at a picture of her and cry everyday in grieving. There isn't any medication that helps. I have nightmares at night and crippling images and thoughts in the day from finding her, and can only live everyday with the hope i'm going to wake up soon and its all a dream. She was 61 and healthy, but there was a complication in her normal dose of medicine. My whole family, besides my mother's sister and mother who also talked to her everyday and cared for her dearly, have been so harsh. They were here a couple days later after she went away to collect her stuff. Though my siblings i thought were so close have remained absent in the life of their mothers' handsome youngest son. She told me a few years ago that she chose me to live with the rest of her life, and i agreed. Even if i married and moved away, we agreed to always be together for life.