I'm 54 and have lost 2 spouses
I'm 54 and have lost 2 husbands. I married my first husband when we were both 21. We had two children together. He was an alcoholic and a few years after our divorce he was diagnosed with throat cancer and was no longer able to eat or drink by mouth. He was found dead with an empty vodka bottle next to him. We were married for 13 years. I never really got over that. I still love him to this day. I have been married to my second husband for over 18 years and was in the process of getting a divorce. We have a 16 year old son. We split up about a year ago (March 3rd, 2013) and I hadn't talked to him since. He lived 20 minutes away from me at his mothers house. On March 3rd, 2014, exactly 1 year to the day since he left our home, he left his mothers house on foot, taking only a gun with him and he's not been heard from since. Over two weeks have past and his whole family is certain he committed suicide. He wrote "I love you, Dad" on the back of two of our sons photos, dated the day he left. He left without his wallet that had money in it. He couldn't find a job and I'm sure was very depressed. I feel so sad and alone and have even thought about suicide myself but could never hurt my family that way. We are sure he's gone but have no idea where. It's a horrible thing to live with. I've read many of the stories on here and understand grief all too well. If you are considering suicide please don't for the sake of your loved ones. My 3 kids are my whole reason for living. Every day, for the rest of my life, I expect to grieve for both my husbands. Thanks for reading this and God bless you.