I'm alone

by Abandoned

After 4,5 years with my GF im alone. The whole thing happen the 4 of February 2012. Its its June soon, and I'm still fighting to get her back.

Im 39 years old, she is 33. We where togheather for 4,5 year. In the start I was a bit sceptic, I had been single for 7 years before she turned up in my life. And she also told me about other realationships she had been in, that did not work. She also told me that she had a serious eating disorder, that was taking a big space in her life.
But I liked her, and I fall in love with her. Then we became a couple. We moved in togheather in 2008 in my little apartment. We bought our own apartment in 2010. So now we official was man and wife in a way. We was not engaged. But suddenly after a trip out on town, she talked to a friend of mine, and he was blabbering that I had a lot of internet GF, facebook etc. That was not true, but this friend has this habbit getting involved in other realationships. Putting his nose in everything. She came back home and was furious. She said she needed a break. 10 days later it was over. She left me. She has moved out of the apartment. And Im trying to live there, but thats imposible, because its to many memories, to much stuff in the walls.

We was planning our future togheater, we where planning children togheater.
Her reason for the breakup is:
Bad sexlife in the end
Lost her feelings
Her eating disorder was taking so much space in her life that she could not be with anyone.

Thats her reasons.
I will comment them.
Sexlife was a bit bad in the end, thats true. But we could have talked about it, and sorted things out. But no.
Lost her feelings. hmm, Im not sure, or perhaps its an common excuse. Im not sure
Her eating disorder. Thats her main reason. She was getting worse, then I had to leave.

I helped her in the start. supporting her, trying to encourage her in her disease, and I think I did that.
During the breakup I was so stressed, and my knee disease eover 10 years came back. I had been okey for 5 years. But the stress trigged it back. I now dealing with surgery, and a long recovery time. I have told her many times that I helped her during this years with her disease, but when I need support, she just left.

My grandmother died just after Christmas, she was 100 years old. I was home to my mother and her a lot during that period. Supporting them, I have worked as a nurse in my past, so I felt I had to support my family and my grandmother during that period. I have told this to my X so many times that my mind was a bit off during this period. And that was one of the reasons I was not paying so much attention to her and her problems. But she don't listen to me. She is so firm and hard. I have fought like a lion this 4 months, lost 10-12 kilograms. Started smoking again. Living like a wreck.

Im so tired fighting. She is never coming back. Why did she leave me like this. Why did she not listen to my emotions and needs during this period.

Sometimes I feel that life is to hard to live. :(


Comments for I'm alone

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Jul 01, 2013
Just a few words
by: Kryptonian

Thank you very much for what you wrote. Our relationship factors & break ups aren't the same, but I am very grateful to find this site & read your words. Heart is stuck in loss, & reading your story & knowing I'm not the only one to be left with these similar feelings of great loss is strangely reassuring but certainly reassuring. Thank you

Jun 01, 2012
by: Abandoned

You are absolutely correct. I know my behaviour is way out of line. But I have cooled down the past months, now we talk normaly to each other. And in the start I was just in panic. But I'm not stalking her now, I have never like spyed on her. Never that's just plain stupid. But I know what you mean. My problem is that it's difficult to move on. But I just have to let her go. I appreciate your honesty.

And I would like to thank the others who have replied on my "broken heart"

May 31, 2012
by: Hermes

The actions you describe are known as STALKING. For your own sake, it would be wisest to direct your energies towards POSITIVE things, as opposed to stubbornly going after someone who has obviously rejected you !

As for your religious beliefs, God,{ please note the capital letter G as RESPECT }, gives us love relationships as a GIFT ! ALL praise, glory and honour to GOD,{ NEVER "god" }! He is known as a "jealous God". He's definitely calling YOU towards Him. Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it !

I suggest you get a grip and discipline yourself to let go as opposed to stalking someone who doesn't want you. In the USA your actions are illegal, and they should be.

We cannot force someone to love us. LET GO and LET GOD ! I hear your demands loud and clear as "YOU WILL LOVE ME !"

If you really love this woman, you'll give her the freedom to make her own choice, whatever that is. You'll respect her desires. In the meantime, get off your butt, stop your belly aching and do something constructive to get your mind off not having life go YOUR WAY !

May 30, 2012
Better to be alone than Be with the wrong person
by: Judith in California

Torben, This girl you chose to be in your life was selfish, immature and non-caring. It was all about her . You will find soemone one day who will be caring, and make a realtionship all about you two. It will happen but not if you waste your time thinking of someone who did not, could not love you back. You're better off alone than to be with a girl like that. be grateful. Don't let this be that you use it as an excuse to go back to unhealthy habits. Take charge of your life and fight for your equality in a relationship. Get to know someones character BEFORE you give them your heart in the future.

May 29, 2012
by: Jacinta

Please know that your sadness is part of being human and living on this earth. You were put here to do many things. When we experience tough times, we have choices to make. Are we going to be weak and allow tragedies to get us to the point of no return ? Or are we going to set an example for others and be strong...turning tragedy into triumph ?

The things which are impossible with men ARE possible with God.

ALL things are possible...which means next week, next month, next year YOU could be fated to have the most wonderful surprise headed exactly your way.

All this emotional sadness can certainly cause a person to respect others for having hung in there, through the tragedies, onto better days.
It's obvious that this love of yours that you are pining about is over. The world is a fascinating wonderful place. There very well may be someone just hoping and waiting for a sensitive unselfish partner...and they very well may find that in you.

How surprised would you be to know that you are NOT ALONE in experiencing heartache. You have come to the right place. You can read about tragedy and sadness ALL day.

How about setting your mind to a happier tomorrow...continue with hope and honor to the power that sent you here in the first place. It's obvious that "we" are not in control...but GOD is. Hang in there and remember that tomorrow may very well bring a new wonderful episode to live through. You definitely are NOT ALONE !

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