I'm crying....
by tanya willis
kyle in his typical attire :)
How do you title a story about your loss? I am just sitting here crying today. Just wishing that it didn't happen. How could it? Why to me? Why to him? I lost my 20 yr old son, Kyle Lloyd James, a little over 5 months ago. I have been heartbroken ever since. It is the worst loss. I do realize, many others have had the same, but until it happens to you, you just can't understand the sadness and the loss. Kyle had a motorcycle accident around 2 am while driving downtown to meet either friends from work (he worked at Blue Martini as a bus boy/bar back), or a girl. He was the only one involved. He lost control of the bike and it started 'tank slapping', according to the police. No one really knows exactly what happened. I think I'm lucky that someone didn't murder him or run him off the road or cause him to have the accident. At least, I don't have anyone else to be angry or mad at. I just wish it didn't happen. Right now, I'm wondering why and where God is and how am I supposed to believe that 'God is great'. How?? How am I supposed to believe that I will see my son one day...How?? THe saddest thing is to realize that we cannot make anymore memories with our child. No more trips, no more pictures, no more conversations, no more texts, no more dinners, no more vacations.... although we will ALWAYS love them and they will be in our hearts forever. He was a very HAPPY kid. Why did it have to happen? He still lived at home and was going to the Palm Beach State College. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, but the last time he told me it was to be a promoter for a band. I always told him to go after something he was passionate about. He told me that he loved music and liked to help people so that he would try to help promote bands. He was a great kid. Always smiling and very optimistic. His father passed away 2 years before and his step dad who helped raise him for 14 years abandoned him after we got divorced. He still had me and we did lots of things together. We ran in 5k races and had a special one planned in Nov, 2011. The Muddy Buddy. It is a race where you ride and run and do obstacles in between. Kyle was just getting into the running. He was also getting into being healthy. As I write this, I think that it should be in 'his space' and not mine. Back to me... Well, I am so sad, so heartbroken, but try to keep busy with work and meetings, etc. I also have an 11 yr old daughter. I have to be strong for her. She loved her brother. He was her idol. I also have an 18 yr old step daughter. I am so lucky to have her. She was very close to her brother. She has experienced a tremendous loss also. We also have Kyle's dog. SHe is a 3 yr old red dobie, that we bought for Kyle on his 18th birthday as a surprise. Dogs are great because they give unconditional love and support to you. Back to me... I'm divorced and have been for 3 yrs now. It is hard not having anyone to share this grief with. Love to all that read our stories.... Tanya
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