I'm falling apart

by Linda
(Charlotte, NC, USA)

My spouse died on July 11, 2012, so I know I'm at the beginning stages of grief. I did fairly well at first--I was told that was the frozen or shock part of the grief process. Now I feel as if I'm falling apart. I have horrible panic attacks that come on unbidden. I feel I have lost all zest for living. I rely heavily on my son, but I don't want to burden him, as I know he has his own life to live. Each day is an ordeal. I pray for strength to go on and live a productive life. Have others felt this way? I've never felt such pain before, although I've had many difficulties to face in the past.

Comments for I'm falling apart

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May 17, 2014
I Know The Feeling
by: Bill

I lost my wife of 45 years july 4th 2013. saw her the day before she was in the nursing home for rehabilitation i had no ideal she was in so bad a shape . o got a call at 658 on the morning of july the 4th and the nurse said that my wife is dead. i could not believe it i got out of bed every morning for the first couple of months and i would say i cant not believe she is dead.people told me it gets better after a year, but they are wrong like i said for the first few months i was in denial. but now that the one year is coming in a little over a month. reality has set in now i know i will never see or have her here on earth again and it is truly harder now than before .so pray and god bless that we both get through this.

Sep 18, 2012
I'm falling apart
by: Doreen U.K.

Linda I am in the same place as you. I AM FALLING APART. I lost my husband 4 1/2 months ago to cancer and I went from NUMBNESS, to DENIAL, and now I am in the crying and SEARCHING stage. I am feeling. " O.K. Steve it is now time to come home" "I am forgetting what you look like". this is because my husband worked all over the world for over 47yrs as a carpenter and I am used to him working away. This is what it feels like for me. I also like you depended heavily on my 3 Adult children. It started to cause some problems. Even though we raise our children to live independent lives. This is part of a mom's job. It is the grief that changes things. We feel as you say panic stricken and we hold onto our children more. My daughter never went out anywhere. She was a homebody. After the death of my husband (her father) she started going out more and living as if I was invisible. This caused me more pain. I became more unusually sensitive to life. I am now learning to overlook much. I never want to have an atmosphere in the home again where my daughter and I feel like strangers. YES.! Losing a husband or anyone close will affect US and how we react to those around us. Sometimes we could think it is them that is the problem. They could think it is us. But in reality everyone is more sensitive and it is a bit of both going on here. We are all trying to ADAPT to our new circumstances. We learn by TRIAL & ERROR. We may FALL APART for some time. It is part of the Grief. Just let yourself feel and behave what you are feeling. We haven't done this before. We need to give ourselves permission to do what we need to do. Lose any GUILT for this also. We all grieve differently. We all take different TIME to get over our GRIEF. It depends on the relationship we had with that individual and also the time together all affects our grief. But the PAIN, SORROW, SADNESS, GUILT, FEAR, ANGER, is ALL the same feelings for all of us. Even the symptoms we feel is the same. Grief counselling is also a good idea for any of us who aren't coping. WE could just be STUCK in Grief and need some outside support. In time I guess we will be able to find our feet again in life. We have no CHOICE but to live our life again in our time and in our own way. We will have the FREEDOM to have the type of life we want and where to go with it. If one is younger they will look forward to this with eager anticipation. But the older one gets it will be that much harder, as I am in this group. But I am doing this ONE DAY AT A TIME. I could live with clutter for weeks and then one day suddenly clear this. You will be able to move forward in time when you are READY. DON'T RUSH IT.

Sep 17, 2012
Me too
by: Anonymous

My husband passed on June 24 I too am relying heavily on my 20 years old son I also have a 12 year old daughter the pain is unbearable I am suffering from my nerves and anxiety but this weekend I was able to cook a full meal for my family and a close couple of friends am I getting better don't know but at three months I am able to do an little more praying helps I pray every day and ask God to strengthen my faith I still have trouble sleeping And I can't be home alone but one day at a time big hugs

Sep 16, 2012
i know.
by: Anonymous

my name is amanda & i lost my fiancee july 15th 2012. he was my husband in every way, shape, form. my birthday is also on july 15 so its something that i will never get over. i love him still, more than life itself. every second of every day i hurt i feel nothing & everything at the same time. it hasnt got any better ive only grown accustomed to it. i pray for strength but dont feel God at all. they tell me He comes on his time not your time. i just dont feel it. i dont know if it will help or hurt any less. but i feel your pain, i live your sorrow, your not alone im in your hell. but they know our sorrow, they know our pain, they want to help us & make it all better because they are both watching us my husband & yours from heaven they feel no pain themselves because its a better place than the hell we are in. they love us & want us to live, you will learn to live with it, im not gonna tell you that you will get over it because you wont but you will learn to live again. & im sorry for your loss.

Sep 16, 2012
BACK FROM VISITING MY DAUGHTERS BUT RETURNED WITH DEADLY GRIEF
by: IRWIN DRESNER

I FLEW TO FLORIDA TO SEE MY DAUGHTERS. HAD A GOOD TIME. I HAVE RETURNED AND I AM LOCKED IN THE WORSE GRIEF AND DEPRESSION THAT I HAD EVER SUFFERED. IT IS KILLING ME, I JUST CANNOT HANDLE IT ANY LONGER. I WENT OUT OF MY HOUSE TODAY TO RACE WALK BUT IT GAVE ME NO RELIEF AT ALL. I TRULY FEEL THAT I CANNOT HANDLE IT ANY LONGER. ITS CLOSE TO 3 YEARS SINCE MY WIFE DIED. THE FEELINGS THAT I AM IN RIGHT NOW I TRULY CANNOT HANDLE. THANKS FOR READING. IRWIN

Sep 16, 2012
It's so Early in your Process
by: Judith in California

Dear Linda, it's still so early in your grieveng process. I don't even remember the first year hardly. I wrote an article on here

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/the-hardest-experience-ill-have-ever-done.html

That is what this is Linda . The heartbreak and total loss of self is stifling. Give yourself time and grieve hard and long. Cry all you can. Don't let anyone tell you how long you should greieve. You will come through to the peaceful and acceptance side eventually. by yourself a journal and wite every thing you are feeling and wirte to him .Spill your guts out in it. It helped me a lot . I wrote religously for a solid year until there was nothing new I could say. I talked with God and still do daily several times a day. It's been 2 years for me . Read otheres letters here on the lost spouse section and you will see how otheres did as well. It's a horrible roller coaster ride of emotions Lind and I pray you will get to the other side ...one breath, one minute, one day at a time.



Sep 16, 2012
I can identify with your feelings.
by: Mary

My husband died on July 30, 2012 of Multiple Myeloma. He suffered for four years with various spinal fractures and his cancer totally changed our lives. Now that he has crossed over to a life with no more pain I am relieved for him. However I am experiencing several stages of the grieving process from loss of appetite to tingling in my feet that seems to be comforted by large amounts of body lotion. I have been accused by a few friends that I am anti-social. I just can't handle hearing about their couple plans for trips or family outings of how Grandpa helped Johnny ride a bike or saw Billy score his first soceer goal! My husband adored his grandsons and passed away prior to our granddaughter being born the following month. I do know he is seeing her from heaven, so that gives me some comfort. I am very angry at his family for not respecting his final wishes for no formal services. This is not the first time his family has let us down. So I have limited contact with them. I was taught if you don't have anything nice to say, then say nothing. The physcial pain of the grief is what is troubling me the most. The aches the pains, the lack of energy, I just don't have that spring in my step feeling anymore. From what I have read it will all take time. Being a New Yorker living in the south doesn't assist me at this time. I find it rather conflicting. Get back in the game is the northerner in me---take it slow is the southerner in me! So I am electing to compromise and simply go with the feelings of the day. I did locate a local grief support group, so I am fixing to attend an upcoming meeting. My husbands cancer was one hardship for our friends & family and now this grief process is some thing I feel I have to go elsewhere for guidance. I have the gut feeling our friends have had enough. My gut feelings have seldom been wrong and I don't want to lose any friends but I sense that some may not be in my life in a few years. I think grief is like a large ocean wave. You just have to ride the wave until it reaches the shoreline. Then your process will be complete and you can walk forward to the life you elect to live.

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