I'm finding it harder to deal with as time passes

by Aeirana

Thank you for allowing me to tell the story of my beautiful daughter Shaylynn a while back. I realize that this is not a site to do anything other than to express our grief over such a tragic loss of a loved one, child or otherwise. I do however have a question to ask. Does anyone know of an online site that I could go to for some type of professional help that would not charge a fee? At this moment our lives, I do not have health insurance, and we do not have the extra fee for me to see a therapist.

Comments for I'm finding it harder to deal with as time passes

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May 30, 2013
Body Pain
by: Doreen U.K.

Lynn I think your THERAPULSE is the same as my TENS machine. It is supposed to stimulate the nerves and emits endorphins that help with pain. This takes the edge of the pain but is not a cure. Anything that takes the EDGE OFF PAIN is worth using. I wish they had one JUST FOR GRIEF.
To answer your question: "Is my pain localised. It started off with me having an extra Cervical rib (in the neck) which I had an operation for. I was left with horrible nerve pain all over my body which has been getting worse. A doctor was going to do another operation but didn't want to because of the risks. I was put on a waiting list for this operation. After months I enquired only to find the surgeon had left the hospital. Another doctor did an Xray and found out the rib was never removed. I still have the extra rib probably putting pressure on the nerves so I have pain all the time. All through my body. Some days it is really bad and unbearable but worse after grief. NO! I didn't lose a child. I lost my beloved husband of 44yrs. who died of a deadly cancer. He suffered over 3yrs. and I cared for him till he died 1yr. ago.
I am happy that you have decided to go via the route of neurologist. This is a good start. I hope you get the answers you need to help resolve this problem. What you are suffering physically is not normal and should be investigated further. Physical PAIN is not normal. It means something is wrong. So is having seizures not normal. Please let me know how it all goes for you. Any support I can give you further I will be happy to do so. Best wishes. Doreen

May 29, 2013
To Lyn,
by: Pat in Missouri


I just read the comments that you posted to Aeirana. I am concerned about the non-epileptic seizures you have been having. I think you need another medical opinion. The doctor who said your pain is due to the loss of your daughter is a crackpot! Yes, grief can lead to physical problems, but your pain and actually having seizures of some kind, sounds more medical than emotional. How do they know that you are even having seizures, if they do not show up on an EEG? I also think it's possible you may have hurt yourself, during 1 of these seizures, without realizing it. Are you seeing a neurologist? Pain as severe and pronounced, in a very specific area, means more than grief. If you think you have exhausted all medical options, I think you should see a pain management doctor. There is definitely something wrong. It may take a doctor, who specializes in pain, to find an answer. I have a very unusual problem that causes me a lot of pain in a strange way. I broke my foot years ago, but my brain still sends pain signals from my spine all the way down my right side to my foot, even though the fracture healed many years ago. I have to get a procedure to burn the nerves that transport the pain about every 1-2 years. Laser is used to do this. It sounds weird, but it is very real and it took a pain management doctor to figure out how to treat my problem.

I sincerely hope that you find an answer to your pain. Don't give up. Patients know their bodies better than the doctors do. I know that your grief must be terrible, but I think your physical pain is a separate matter. Please write back and let us know how you are doing. We should not have to settle for suffering just because 1 doctor gives an answer that was convenient for him because he didn't really know the cause or how to treat it.

I send you hugs and wishes of support. Pat

May 29, 2013
Body pain
by: lyn

Doreen, Thank you so much for your reply. I have something like a TENS unit. Its called THERAPULSE. It is the size of a cell phone...and yes, I've had it on most of today. It helps allot. I called my primary care Dr. today and left word to find me a reliable Neurologist. I'll start there and see if I can have more tests so hopefully I can relieve some of this pain.
I've had EEGs..the type of seizure I'm having is NON-Epileptic so does not show on a scan.
Is your pain localized to one side or area of your body? Did you also loose a child?
I hope to hear back from you.. thank you, again

May 29, 2013
Physically worn out with Pain.
by: Doreen U.K.

Lyn I can say that I am suffering severe physical symptoms in my body that leaves me housebound. I don't know what is going on. Is it the side effects of my blood pressure medication? I have been given so much medication and had to come off it due to side effects. I suffer with arthritis. Osteo and Rheumatoid. So is this pain from the arthritis? All I know is I am more ill now. I put a lot of it down to grief. BUT. In your case I think you should get more medical opinions as something doesn't sound right. Epileptic seizures should be monitored and looked at seriously. Pain causes us distress and more distress causes more pain and is a vicious circle that we often can't cancel out because we can do nothing about our new grief. It has to run its course. But I just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone in feeling more pain since you have lost your daughter. I guess if there was medication for the pain of grief it would be the best seller. Just don't suffer more than you are able to bear. PRAY to God. When I am in severe pain I call out to God for relief.
I also have a TENS machine for nerve pain. (here in England) But I am sure they have them in America. Explore this more through your physiotherapy dept. in a hospital. It is not suitable for everyone. But I find it invaluable. I can't be without it. It takes the edge off severe nerve pain. I use it more since I have been grieving and IT DOES WORK. I heard a report that it also helps with mild depression. Write back if you need to. Best wishes.

May 28, 2013
Free therapy
by: lyn

After the loss of my 29 year old daughter, I spoke to a therapist at a local hospice. There was no fee.
The therapist was a licensed Psychologist who worked at the hospice as a grief counselor. That was almost 3 years ago. I believe I saw the therapist once a week for for maybe two to three months.
Since my daughter's passing, I have had major physical issues which are getting worse. I am having non-epileptic seizures every time I fall into sleep.That is every night and even if I take a nap during the day. They are extremely painful. I've also started stuttering when this happens.
I have severe sharp pain on my right side from my waist to my neck. Feels like a sharp knife and is getting unbearable. The pain takes my breath away. Does any one else have anything like what I've described? I have had EEG's and labs done. This type of seizure does not show on an EEG and seizure meds don't work, as it is non-epileptic.
Loosing a child is one of it's causes. I was told by my Dr. the stabbing pain on my right side was also related to the loss of my daughter. I will contact the therapist and see where to go from there.
I wish you the best in finding someone to talk to in your healing. I'm so very sorry for your grief.

Mar 27, 2013
Thank you
by: Aeirana

Thank each and every one for your helpful words. God bless and be with you.

Mar 26, 2013
Harder to deal with as time passes
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

I joined a grief support group offered through my church. It was free and lasted 6 weeks. At the end of the sessions we were given a sheet with everyones name, e-mail and telephone number. Even the faucilators of the group had their information on the sheet. I developed a frienship with 3 other widows. We felt our bond the first night as we all lost our husbands within a 3 month frame. After the meetings we would stand outside and talk, gradually each week we went somewhere for coffee and dessert or for a soda.
I know there is a group called Compassionate Friends for parents who lost children. Your family doctor should have grief information. Seek it out. It's the best gift you can give yourself; dealing with grief is challenging.

Mar 26, 2013
by: judith in California

Aeirana, most hospitals offer a grief support group at no cost. Please call one in your area and ask . They are some community agencies that offer care on a sliding scale of what you can afford.

Good luck and God Bless you as you try to find peace and acceptance.

Mar 26, 2013
I'm finding it harder to deal with as time passes
by: Doreen U.K.

Aeirana, Most online websites charge a fee even if you want to ask a question. They give information and expert help as their way of working from home and this is how they make their living.
I think you may find it hard to find something for free. But perhaps someone may come up with an answer for you.
In this day and age people are out to make money or rip you off doing it. So be careful.
In England they have organizations that offer a sliding scale fee where you would pay a quarter of the feel e.g. £5 = $13. Would you be able to afford a little?
You can explore this in your country. Find out from your medical services whether they have this facility. Everywhere they are having long waiting lists for people who need counselling.
I started with EXCELLENT SELF HELP BOOKS. You can get these free from your library on a 3 weekly basis and take them back and get other one's out. I reached a point when this knowledge was good but could only go so far with this. There came the time when only 1:1 support worked better and helped move me forward. Because I needed intensive long term support my counselling took longer into 4yrs. But for others who do this sooner rather than later in life it is cheaper and you wouldn't need so many sessions and the cost would be better.
I hope it works out for you as it does WORK.

Mar 26, 2013
Dear Aeirana,
by: Pat in Missouri

You can try this site that I found, but, at some time, they will probably ask for money.


I am sure you could get help through a church for no fee. A hospice agency might be able to help, but if not, I think they would be a good resource to point you in the right direction. Hospices do offer grief support groups free of charge. I went to one in my area and found it very helpful because everyone in the group was going through the same thing. There were no judgments and we all kind of leaned on each other. We met weekly for 5 weeks. That wasn't really long enough, but it was a great start.

I hope you find the help that feels right for you. Grief is not easy to deal with, but must be dealt with before it goes into a serious depression. I send you many hugs. Pat

Mar 26, 2013
Grief Share
by: Anonymous

My church offered a program called, "Grief Share." It consists of videos and a workbook. Basically, I went into a room and watched a video every Sunday. Oddly enough, it really helped. The program is not exclusive to my church. Maybe you can find one near you.

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