I'm missing my sister
She passed away over 1 1/2 years ago, but I refused to grieve over it. I sensed the grief just under the surface, but wouldn't go and see a counsellor (partly thinking, I'm a guy and I don't want someone to see me cry, and also Why should I pay someone $ 100. per hour to watch me cry?). I also refused to think about some of the unpleasant things I saw when she was ill (with cancer) -- I'd just swear angrily and think of something else. But recently some other minor incidents seem to have amplified the grief I felt -- or it might be the passing of time. My sister was a very kind person who listened to others, very humble, pursued New Age thinking and cooking, and never smoked a day in her life. How can a person like this get lung cancer? It's incredibly unfair, and to me it's an indication that there is no such thing as god -- though others are entitled to their own opinion. Our childhood wasn't a very happy one, but I always dreamed that at some time in the future we'd finally be in a happy place, more prosperous, joyous. Now it's clear that won't happen -- however close I might get, my sister won't be there to share it, and I'll remember how she suffered those final months.