I'm so angry at her for leaving

by Amy
(Australia )

My little sister died in a car accident only hrs after we had spoken for the last time..
The last 5 months have been a living *ell.. I've been numb, lost and severely depressed.. Now? Now I'm just so angry at her for leaving me to pick up all the pieces..
My dad is drinking and has literally become a ghost of himself and there's only me.
I can't even call her which rips my heart out! I've lost my go to girl.
I know she didn't choose to leave and the anger is just another stage of grief but I'm so ashamed of feeling this way.. Everyone tells me time heals and how sorry they are.. But I'm still left here wondering how when it seems to be harder to breathe as each day passes and why it happened.. There's no closure here

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Jun 10, 2014
I'm so angry at her for leaving
by: Doreen UK

Amy I am so sorry for your loss of your sister. Feeling angry and every other emotion comes with the territory of grief. Amy didn't choose to die, but in a sudden death when you aren't able to process your loss you will feel up and down emotionally and not be able to make sense of why you lost your sister, even if it was by accident. We don't choose to be angry. It seems to happen automatically and we can't shut off our emotions. I think the loss triggers off life experiences and everything goes so fast you are not able to stop the thought processes, or choose what to think and how to feel. Something happened to you to make you feel this way and you sometimes have no control over this. You may have to just let it ride till things change or go and see a grief counsellor. They are skilled to help you cope. Don't let depression take over your life. I did this and it went too deep and I needed to see a counsellor. Best decision I made. I got my life back. Depression is a horrible disease to live with and it can take over your life if you don't keep it in check and try to resolve this sooner rather than later.
I wonder if we ever find closure from losing a loved one? Grief is like an open wound that festers and is too slow to heal. It seems to go on forever wearing us out.
You may find some relief from your anger by writing out your feelings in a journal. This will help you to put your feelings and pain into some perspective. You can also find healing from writing.

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