I'm So Lost

by Wendy

The Love of My life

The Love of My life

I lost the love of my life, my soulmate Ron, just 4 months ago in a tragic accident. He left on a Thursday for his annual fishing trip, said I'll see you Sunday, and on Friday afternoon I got the call. We had been together for 13 years, but had just celebrated our first wedding anniversary in May. I cannot seem to accept that my life has to go one without him. I've never known such emptiness, loneliness and utter pain in my entire life. Our world totally revolved around each other. The grocery shopping, going to the mall, we did everything together. Now I am just so lost. I go through the motions every day, but I'm empty inside. I have two grown children, as this was my second marriage. I was so lucky to have finally found the man of my dreams that it all seems so unfair and pointless. I know I should be happy that we had the time we did together, at least that's what people keep telling me, but it wasn't nearly enough. We had so many plans. It seems like each day that passes gets worse instead of better. I've had family members and friends tell me after 4 months that I shouldn't still be so unhappy. I can only say to them that they have no idea until it's happened to them. I realize that losing anyone, be it a brother, parent, close friend is difficult, but in those cases you still have the one person that would help you survive it. Now the only person that can help me is the one that is gone. I cry constantly, have no energy, and haven't slept now in over a week. I feel myself isolating myself from people because seeing their indifference to my suffering makes me angry and I don't want to say anything I'll regret. I've joined a support group, which helps for the every other Tuesday that we meet, but in between I am just falling apart. It seems to be just starting to take it's toll on me physically. I have never been a depressed person, and am having a hard time telling the difference between depression and normal grieving. I've been told that time heals...but at this point I really don't believe it will. I wake up on the weekends and wonder why I am getting out of bed. I have nowhere to go or anyone to go with. He was my everything.

Comments for I'm So Lost

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Nov 16, 2011
Soulmates Forever
by: Wendy


You have no idea how comforting your words are for me. You have managed to say everything I am feeling, and so beautifully. And please let me say how sorry I am for your loss.

Nov 15, 2011
Soulmates Are Forever
by: TrishJ

Four months after my husband passed away I was still very disconnected with life. I think that is around the time "well meaning" relatives started telling me I should start looking for a job. "It's time for you to resume living." I could still barely get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. I couldn't make sense out of too much then. It's so easy for someone who hasn't had their heart and soul ripped out to give their advice. You are so right.....nobody knows the total devastation you are feeling. You're recovering from the most traumatic event of your life.
For so many months it just seems so surreal. He was just here with me and now he's gone. I can't feel his touch or see him smile. The I LOVE YOU HONEY is what I miss he most. Everyday. Still.
It's approaching the one year mark for me and I don't feel ready to let go and move on. It is getting better. There is hope for you Wendy. In this early stage you are still trying to get your balance back. Your legs have been kicked out from under you. Don't let anybody tell you how you should handle your grief. It's your grief and only you know how you feel.
The support groups do help. Nothing helps when night comes and we are all alone laying in that bed that now seems so huge-by yourself.
Take things one day at a time. Time does help things but the pain never goes away. To have such wonderful love and suddenly it's gone is more than the average person can deal with. It takes a strong woman to pick up the pieces and go on. Be strong, be true to you and hold on to your beautiful memories. Talk to him. He's listening.
Hugs and blessings.

Nov 15, 2011
Your Kind Words are Comforting
by: Wendy

Thank you all so much for your kind words. I was truly surprised to find such an outpouring of support, especially from total strangers, when I couldn't get it from family and friends whom I expected to be here for me. But you all seem to know what I'm feeling, and your words of encouragement, hope and support was exactly what I was looking for. Hopefully I will be able to give the same support to those of you going through this terrible process of grieving.

Nov 15, 2011
I know, I remember all too well

I too lost the Love of my life. It's been nearly two years. And I can tell you that no one can tell you how to ride out grief. Yes we can suggest coping skills. Coming here to this site pouring out your feeling is good, also a journal write to him as often as you need to as if you are talking to him. I think that they can hear us and are watching over us. I have seen all kinds of signs letting me know that he is still around in spirit.

Mainly do not let ANYONE tell you how or how long to grieve. It is a lot of hard work before you see light at the end of the tunnel. That light being hope for the future, being able to see a future at all really. It takes time and it is a process. One that can not be rushed or skipped over. Come here for strength. Take it one breath at a time. It is a long journey but I promise that things will get easier.

Nov 15, 2011
i m so lost
by: joan

i know your pain. i know what it is to lose your soul mate. my husband also left on a fishing trip. he had a massive heart attack and died instantly. my world fell apart that day three yrs. ago and am still trying to pick up the pieces..
i did go to grief counselling and was able to talk about how i feel as family and friends can't seem to understand your pain. please go for some
counselling and talk with others who have similar
situations as yourself. this is a way to be around other people and gives you courage to get thru the days.

take care

Nov 15, 2011
by: M Mack


I am so sorry for your loss. Everyone on this site has been were you are in your grief. Ron was certainly a very handsome man and I'm sure as a couple you both became one. It's a long road and you should take your time in this phase. The 4 month mark for me was terrible. I came out of the numb stage into the raw emotions. Nothing anyone said helped and frankly, I didn't give a dam what they thought I should be. Like you said, nobody knows this pain unless they have gone through it. Listen to your heart, feel the sadness but remember at the same time you are the survivor here. You have to take care of yourself, eat, rest, stay healthy. Cry as much as you need to for a good cry can be refreshing to your soul.

I remember when I stumbled upon this site one night, boy did I cry. So many like me in pain, and yet there were so many willing to help. Keep reading, and writing. The energy helps to bring forth the next phase. You will go through them all in due time so hang on. The road is long but always know you are not alone. One breath, one step, one day at a time really does work. My prayers for you Wendy and hope you find comfort here. Keep up with your support group and know we are here to listen and help you find strength and comfort along your journey.

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