I'm So Lost
The Love of My life
I lost the love of my life, my soulmate Ron, just 4 months ago in a tragic accident. He left on a Thursday for his annual fishing trip, said I'll see you Sunday, and on Friday afternoon I got the call. We had been together for 13 years, but had just celebrated our first wedding anniversary in May. I cannot seem to accept that my life has to go one without him. I've never known such emptiness, loneliness and utter pain in my entire life. Our world totally revolved around each other. The grocery shopping, going to the mall, we did everything together. Now I am just so lost. I go through the motions every day, but I'm empty inside. I have two grown children, as this was my second marriage. I was so lucky to have finally found the man of my dreams that it all seems so unfair and pointless. I know I should be happy that we had the time we did together, at least that's what people keep telling me, but it wasn't nearly enough. We had so many plans. It seems like each day that passes gets worse instead of better. I've had family members and friends tell me after 4 months that I shouldn't still be so unhappy. I can only say to them that they have no idea until it's happened to them. I realize that losing anyone, be it a brother, parent, close friend is difficult, but in those cases you still have the one person that would help you survive it. Now the only person that can help me is the one that is gone. I cry constantly, have no energy, and haven't slept now in over a week. I feel myself isolating myself from people because seeing their indifference to my suffering makes me angry and I don't want to say anything I'll regret. I've joined a support group, which helps for the every other Tuesday that we meet, but in between I am just falling apart. It seems to be just starting to take it's toll on me physically. I have never been a depressed person, and am having a hard time telling the difference between depression and normal grieving. I've been told that time heals...but at this point I really don't believe it will. I wake up on the weekends and wonder why I am getting out of bed. I have nowhere to go or anyone to go with. He was my everything.