i'm still grieving for my roy

by gloria h. mattocks allen
(salisbury,n.c. usa)

it'll be two years on dec.27th. not a day goes by that i don't send a prayer to god for my roy. i've tried to move on with my life. and, to the world it would seem as though i have. but in my heart...i haven't. i re-married, moved to another city..added his friends to mine. but, nothing seems to have worked for me. i am still in mourning for my late husband. this second marriage is a disaster for me. i wanted my "old happy life" back and i thought i might could re-create it through another marriage. i was wrong. now, i'm dealing with stress and quilt over my actions. i do care for this man i'm married to now..but i keep comparing him with my sweet roy. and bob(my new husband) always falls short. i want time to turn back and let me relive those wonderful days i used to have with roy and my children. i cry most every day for what i know i will never have again. some days i pray for God to take me home because i miss roy so much. my oldest daughter has abandoned me because of my new marriage. this hurts me more than i can express on this laptop. my youngest daughter is trying to understand that i just couldn't live alone anymore but she does not like bob either. he is violent and cusses and drinks. my roy was none of those things. i had a good marriage with him. i do not with bob. i saw nothing of this in bob before we married. what should i do? what is the right answer for someone like me, a senior citizen? i thought i would spend my last years "resting" with roy on our patio, but instead, i'm ducking and weaving to keep from argueing with bob. some days i think it may be more than i can bare..i find myself wondering "why" God has decided to test me in this manor. i could just up and leave but leave to what? go where? i have no one and nothing to go to..and where would the money come from to survive for what-ever days i have left? do i deserve this? probably..do i want this life? no. i always thought i was a good person..but now i'm not so sure. bob says i'm not worth the time it takes to spit. all i know is that i want to be with my roy. gloria mattocks

Comments for i'm still grieving for my roy

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Dec 15, 2013
by: Guess Who

I am so sorry that you are in this situation.
What in the world did you do with all of your money.
You certainly had plenty to have a good life...to help others...

The only road out is through Jesus Christ...there is
nothing wrong with a two bedroom apt. and a little
church with loving people..

We have all made mistakes in our lives...been judged
and condemned; My God is a good loving forgiving God

Go to him now...on your knees..ask for him to lead
guide and direct you...that is the only way..

I will be praying for you....

Nov 23, 2013
Still Grieving
by: Anonymous

Gloria, while we fell badly for your situation…God had nothing to do for your bad choice. You put yourself where you are because of your fear of lonliness and desperation to feel what you had before.

That didn't work out so you blame God?

You now have the choice to get ot of that and God is there to help see you through it. That's why we all write to you to give you good counsel. God has sent us to help you through.

So Gloria….what's it going to be? you staying in an abusive, unloving marriage or packing your bags and setting things right for you.

It's still YOUR choice.

Nov 17, 2013
You do have someone. You.
by: Anonymous

You do have someone and that is you. You must muster yourself and get out of this situation. You have survived the most difficult trauma of you life, losing Roy, and you are still
standing. You can do this. You must do this. Everyone makes mistakes in life. So what. Acknowledge it and move on.
You daughter already does not like Bob. She will probably leap at the chance to help, You are worth more than this and deserve more than this,

Nov 15, 2013
From a Felow North Carolinian
by: Anonymous

Gloria, call Charity and Cherish and tell them you made a mistake and that you need help in leaving abusive Bob. They are of an age that should understand your wanting to make right of your wrong decision. You say they don't like BOB well they should be glad to help you since you want to leave him. AND 62 is not old so stop with the Senior Citizen stuff. You are young yet. Im 68 and still have plenty of fire left in me.

You just need your good ole southern gumption back.
Please let us know that you have left abusive BOB.

Nov 15, 2013
I'm still grieving for my Roy
by: Doreen UK

Gloria if Bob thinks you are not worth the time it takes to spit on then this is your answer. He is not worth the time to care for and be with. WALK AWAY!!! with your integrity intact. I can understand your need to move forward with your life. Perhaps you did this too soon to avoid loneliness. this is understandable. Because the new husband has proved to be more than unkind to you would make you wish more for the old life you had with your Roy. If Bob wasn't so disrespectful to you then you could probably have the motivation to make the marriage work. What is the sense in staying in an unhappy marriage because you have no one to go to. Ask your daughter for advice and if she would take you in? or ask for her help to get you some place to live. You at least deserve to live out the rest of your life with happiness and not misery. You will need good support from family and friends in order to make this move out of your current marriage to Bob which is not working for you. With the right support you will have the confidence to make the move. Start doing many good things for yourself each day to build up your self esteem because you are starting to look inwards for failings thinking you deserve this. Build up your self esteem and you will start to feel better. Then silently make plans to move but don't discuss this with Bob till you are away from the home otherwise he may make your life harder and more complicated. He may even leave you homeless. Make enquiries about what your rights are and then GO as quick as you can. My aunt is 85yrs. and she has lost 3 husbands and now has friendship with a man and they share a good meal and in return he does odd jobs around her home. You could eventually one day do this. Companionship is important. God never meant us to live in isolation. We would shrivel up and die. If you go to Church then seek support from this source. God does not want you to suffer. We only suffer according to the Choices we make. But God will be with you all the way whatever you decide to do. Best wishes.

Nov 14, 2013
Your Grief
by: Lawrence

I can only echo Judith in California’s words.
Pack your things and contact your daughter, you don’t need or deserve such grief after losing Roy.

Nov 14, 2013
by: Judith in California

Gloria, pack your things and call your daughter and ask her to help you out of this mess. Tell her how unhappy you are and tell her that Bob is abusive to you. Tell her you made a mistake and want to divorce. I can't imagine a daughter who would not help under the circumstance and leave you to be abused.. Ask your daughter if you can move in with her and help you become independent. You can choose how you want to live. You don't stay in an abusive marriage because you have no where to go. Ther are Shelters for abused women and there are lawyers who speialize in Elder Abuse.

There is no reason you should live the rest of your life wishing to die. Roy would not want this for you nor should you want it for yourself.

Call your daughter now and then call a lawyer.

I pray for you to be safe and peaceful.

Nov 13, 2013
by: Anonymous

you must seek legal advice immediately. You cannot live in a violent relationship; it will surely end in disaster. Best of luck to you

Nov 13, 2013
Still Greiving
by: Judith in California

Gloria, It's most disappointing to read whre someone didn't give themselves the time required to Grieve and come to terms with the death of a loved one. You must tell Bob and tell him of your feelings and ask that he understand you meant him no harm. But it's unfair to him for you to continue with this charade.
You might want to try some counseling to help you come to terms with your situation.

That's why we must not involve ourselves with another person uness and until we can look ourselves in the mirror and say honestly that we are ready to move on . IF you shed tears and still terribly miss your passed loved one then you're not ready. The only way is if you marry someone who has lost hteir mate too. Then he/she may understand that we don't quiet get over 100% thier loss. Another person will never be like our lost loves and it's unfair to expect that. You see you married him and gave him a job to live up to poor Roy's likeness.

I'm sorry for your predicament but you must do the right thing.. hopefully you now see there are worse things than being alone.

This is not right for you

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