Im STILL waiting for you Mom

by Kendra

I was about 4 or 5 when I lost you. I had no idea what pain the death of my mother would bring me. I was so young and I understood you were sick but was never reality. On the way to your funeral I made you a necklace to take with you I always wonder if you liked it. I'm 18 and Every year since you've been gone I've gotten into trouble and the one thing everyone said was I needed to let you go. I don't understand how someone can look me in my face full of tears and tell me to let my mother go. I was an only child my mother was my life! Let her go?...there was no such thing.So I'm STILL waiting for you mom. As I get older holding in the anger, the emotion, and everything else that comes with losing a loved one gets UNBEARABLE. I am graduating in June and I find my self one of the saddest seniors I've ever met. I haven't picked my Prom Dress I haven't sent out my announcements or senior pictures because I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOU. Life is getting HARDER EVERY DAY. I don't know how to pull through. This whole gone away forever is not working for me so I need you to talk to me, show up when i least expect it, I just want to feel you near me. If I knew what was happening I would have never left your side. Please Forgive me. Well I have a few months until I'm done with High School and I'll S T I L L BE WAITING FOR YOU. -Kendra <3

Comments for Im STILL waiting for you Mom

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Jun 13, 2013
Hope you're OK
by: Alan

Kendra, I hope you're coping. I've had a relapse lately and I am suffering quite a bit. I've realised that even the people who are closest to you can't help with profound grief. The psychologist said to remember only the love and try not to remember the loss of your loved one, but that is impossible.
We're going to have to cope with this terrible grief and I know it's so hard. This site is a great help and the nice words that these lovely people write is a great help. Just remember Kendra that there are people all over the world who are thinking of you and wishing you happiness in your life.

May 29, 2013
Thank You
by: Kendra

Thank You all for taking the time to read my post. Your comments were touching. It is very warming to know there are people who understand how I feel and to know I'm not truly alone. The people who took me in after my mothers death was my moms only sister and her husband. My aunt admitted to taking her pain out on me which I think still hinders are relationship. My family in general does not talk about my mothers passing which just leaves us all to grieve alone. I would love to try the book mentioned in the previous comment. At this point I have to try something. I deserve to be happy. I want to bring back the joy to my life. Thank You all

Apr 29, 2013
Mother's - God's angels.
by: Anonymous

Alan I was quite shocked to read your reply post to Kendra in which you stated your memories of your own mother's death.
I am in my 60's so know only too well what our years were like when someone died. Parent's tried to protect their children from what they saw as being a horror to them. I feel so sad for all the children who had to cope with the loss of a parent and they were hushed up and not allowed to speak. I had such an upbringing. A product of the generation when children should be seen and not heard. It carries deep wounds within us. When we lose someone close to us it then intensifies our grief and it feels that much worse. My parents were treated the same way. So they acted out of their children's best interest which we now know was not beneficial to children. They grow up struggling with emotions and death and Life in general. I ended up in counselling in my 40's which helped me to resolve my losses and move into a much healthier way of thinking and I am glad to say it did help me in a positive way.
But the scars will remain for all of us who were not given more care when our loved one died. I am sorry for your loss of your mum and how this has left you with your grief and loss of her and your beloved wife.

Apr 28, 2013
Still missing mom
by: Anonymous

I lost my Mom. I refused to grieve for years after her death. Finally, I decided that a life of pain and hurt wasn't worth it. I went to therapy, I worked through a book called "a mother loss workbook". It sincerely helped me and I was able to grieve. I still miss my mom, but I am not so angry and hurt anymore. My quality of life has improved. I think you should think about the book and/or therapy. They might just help.

Love from one motherless daughter to another.

Apr 26, 2013
I'm STILL waiting for you Mom
by: Doreen U.K.

Kendra you were so very young when you lost your Mom and it is far too young for any young child to lose a parent. Who looked after you when your Mom died? This is so important. The person who reared you should have nurtured you in a way that would have helped you cope with this loss and got you a good counsellor to help you grieve.
You should seriously think of now seeing a grief counsellor to help you grieve this loss of your mom. You are probably stuck in grief and this will limit your life and you moving forward. No one should tell you that YOU HAVE TO LET YOUR MOM GO. This is not as easy as it sounds. Some people need support and professional help in being able to do this in a safe and protected way. Now you are 18yrs. You are an adult. But you may not be Mature enough to take the steps to move forward. It would depend on how your nurturing was? By the way you are feeling you are in a very needy state. You are waiting for your Mom to guide you so you need counselling to help you through each stage and loss of your life stages of growth. It is all locked up inside you and a professional person will be able to work at a level that can help release those locked up emotions and allow you to breathe and live again. You do yourself no favours by prolonging your agony of waiting. You need to tackle this in a structured way. There is no shame in seeing a counsellor and needing help. I did this and it has liberated me and allowed me to Live again. I know how it feels to be where you are. I also know what it feels to come out of feeling the way you do and it is an incredible feeling. You will never forget your mom. But you will be able to honour her in an Adult way. Perhaps you have an aunt or significant adult you can talk to who will help you fill in the gaps in your life so your history is always remembered and you have a mentor in your life. I am sorry for your loss of your Mom.

Apr 26, 2013
Mothers- Gods angels
by: Alan

Kendra, you poor girl. I too lost my Mum aged 5. She died of cancer and I remember sitting with her on a mattress on the floor because the doctor said she had lumbago! My Dad did not allow us kids to go the funeral. A decision that has affected my whole life. He didn't even let us go to the hospital. So the last memory I have of my Mother is being taken away in severe pain in an ambulance. You will never get over losing your beloved Mom. I never have. All my life people have said to me " you probably can't even remember her ". I sure do remember her. I felt cheated all my life. Everyone else at school had a Mum. I even got made fun of because I didn't have one! Kendra, you will want your Mom back every day for the rest of your life. You sound like a wonderful daughter. I am sure you will keep the memory of your Mom alive as I have mine. I recently lost my beloved wife too so it has intensified my grief for my Mother. By the way, I am 61 years old. God bless you Kendra. My prayers and best wishes go to you.

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