In Eric's name

by Linda Kessler
(Duluth Minnesota)

Oh what a wonderful year 2010 began. My oldest son was getting married in May to his longtime girlfriend. What a wedding it was, bold and elaborate..just like them. My ex-husband and his wife were obviously giddy to see both the "boys" together. Eric and his brother and father were, are natural showmen..they own a stage. Oh and Eric's girlfriend, a beautiful redhead. There was no doubt Eric was "in love". As the year progressed, Eric and I still shared the same interests, baseball,games,and silly jokes. He and his girlfriend and I went furniture shopping in August. I could sense, something...but assumed it was nervous knots of a mother letting go..after all he was 25 to be 26 in December.So my significant other of the past 16 years..go figure..he's my husband just not "legal"..drove in a horrible snowstorm to celebrate Thanksgiving. Did I see any behavior that looked suicidal. No. Did I see a young man figuring out life..yes. His girlfriend diagrammed sentences, he seemed irritated at his girlfriends family..and when we went to his fathers house (his idea) I thought that odd. So for the next 10 days I dwell, knowing I couldn't make it to his birthday. Work, weather.and the fact that he had his brother,father and girlfriend to celebrate. The last day I spoke to my son was his birthday. I received a phone call from his brother the next day. Eric was gone. Reasons written in letters, he loved me.he didn't fit in, he quit. Now my oldest son is beyond reach. Once so close, he is dwelling on upbringing rather than the condition. For it is not a disease..everyone can "get it". Not contagious. It is purely a loss of "self". My story is Eric's story..far too smart to be left all alone. Even with people around him...Eric's Mom

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