In loving memory of my first born son, Jamie Kurtz

by Julie
(Pennsylvania)

The news of my son's death came to me from my second son after a long day at work. When Jordan, my second son, told me that Jamie died..I did not even react. I could not cry..Jordan was starting to come apart in front of my eyes and I could not react. Jamie was 40 years old and died of a heart attack.

Now a week later, after the busyness of planning the memorial, calls from friends from the past and all over the US; I am now settling into a feeling of loss. A loss that is nothing like the loss of my parents years ago. It is a physical emptiness. I feel like I am hitting a void.

Cleaning my son's home and taking care of his affairs has numbed me at times. Then I melt and feel this intense sadness. I know that my son's passing is fresh and that I will go through a grieving process....but it is so hard.