In my life - Loss of Parents, Brother, all grandparents, two ectopics, and a loss of a child meant to be
I am hoping I can post my story here, although it is not all in a short time, it is weighing heavy on me now as I have been chosen for the special duty as a Casualty Assistance Officer of a Soldier who died in a Car Accident last week (it is Jan 2012). I don't know what they were thinking choosing me and all the death I have had in my life, but it is weighing heavy on me and I feel like I am grieving again as I help this Mother get ready for her son's funeral. My husband has been wonderful and I feel bad, because normally a vibrant soul and 'int he mood' - I have been blah and not.
Here are my losses:
Mom to a car accident when I was 12 years old. I was in the car - Lost her mother my grandmother 3 months later.
One week after arriving to Germany my first duty station - Lost my first grandparent.
Father to Stroke two weeks before my second anniversary at age 24
Brother (one of two) to Lymphoma cancer at age 28
Two children to ectopics (we were trying for children) when I was 32 and 33
Lost a Soldier to Suicide I was close to at the same time I was in the hospital having an ectopic - 32
At age 35 My daughter was born- 5 weeks later we are in the hospital - we find out she has a very severe seizure disorder with brain abnormalities - Aicardi's Syndrome. She will never be typical. A week after she is diagnosed- my last grandparent dies from stomach cancer.
There have been other death's that touched my life. The loss of a fellow friends child (5) who I knew well. Acquaintances in car accidents, ect. And now these CAO duties.
It is just weighing very heavy on me. People say I am strong, and I know I am, but I am human too. And it hurts to have lost so much and have to be strong for someone else when although I have not lost my child, it could be an option. I know I will get through it- but it feel good to write it out and share.
One note- my daughter was a rare candidate for a surgery that has been successful (a little over a year ago) and stopped her seizures. This has been wonderful for us and we hope it extends her life.