In my life - Loss of Parents, Brother, all grandparents, two ectopics, and a loss of a child meant to be

by Maryalicia
(Vancouver, WA)

I am hoping I can post my story here, although it is not all in a short time, it is weighing heavy on me now as I have been chosen for the special duty as a Casualty Assistance Officer of a Soldier who died in a Car Accident last week (it is Jan 2012). I don't know what they were thinking choosing me and all the death I have had in my life, but it is weighing heavy on me and I feel like I am grieving again as I help this Mother get ready for her son's funeral. My husband has been wonderful and I feel bad, because normally a vibrant soul and 'int he mood' - I have been blah and not.

Here are my losses:
Mom to a car accident when I was 12 years old. I was in the car - Lost her mother my grandmother 3 months later.

One week after arriving to Germany my first duty station - Lost my first grandparent.

Father to Stroke two weeks before my second anniversary at age 24

Brother (one of two) to Lymphoma cancer at age 28

Two children to ectopics (we were trying for children) when I was 32 and 33

Lost a Soldier to Suicide I was close to at the same time I was in the hospital having an ectopic - 32

At age 35 My daughter was born- 5 weeks later we are in the hospital - we find out she has a very severe seizure disorder with brain abnormalities - Aicardi's Syndrome. She will never be typical. A week after she is diagnosed- my last grandparent dies from stomach cancer.

There have been other death's that touched my life. The loss of a fellow friends child (5) who I knew well. Acquaintances in car accidents, ect. And now these CAO duties.

It is just weighing very heavy on me. People say I am strong, and I know I am, but I am human too. And it hurts to have lost so much and have to be strong for someone else when although I have not lost my child, it could be an option. I know I will get through it- but it feel good to write it out and share.


One note- my daughter was a rare candidate for a surgery that has been successful (a little over a year ago) and stopped her seizures. This has been wonderful for us and we hope it extends her life.

Comments for In my life - Loss of Parents, Brother, all grandparents, two ectopics, and a loss of a child meant to be

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Jan 17, 2012
Thanks Jen
by: Maryalicia

Your comments are appreciated, and made me tear to up at your loss, Did you have a CAO too? I hoped they helped you and my 'mother' says I have helped her tremendously. I made it through the dignified transfer, viewing, and funeral, with only breaking down twice. I believe you are right, we are here for a reason, and I know this. It just can be tough :). May you find comfort in the loss of your son. No parent should ever outlive their child.

Jan 12, 2012
by: Jen

Well to say you are strong is an understatement no one should have to endure that much loss in their life. I recently buried my 23yr old son (he was a Marine) and have been so heart broken and devastated without him in my life. I understand your loss and pain I truly believe that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and all your life experiences make you the person you are today!! I am positive you are an incredible human being. Sometimes we have to rise up out of our wounded place and take control of our lives and choose not to allow life's tragedies to take us out. I believe you have a purpose to serve and the same for me in my life....I know in my heart I did not birth my beautiful 23yr old son for him to die in vain. His life and now death will help someone else somehow someway - I just have to get through the grieving process which i am in the middle of right now :(. My heart goes out to you....your story really touched me but what hit me the most is I believe you can take control of your life and start seeing that what you've been through is not in vain and because your alive and survived your tragedies you have a purpose to serve :). It gives me a lot of comfort when I think about the fact that I'm left behind for a reason in this life.

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