in shock

by sarah
(newcastle)

almost 3 weeks ago my son died in his sleep; as i live in england and my son lived in scottland i got a call from his wife about 1.30 am telling me he had died he was 41 this was so unexpected the police came and took him to the hospital but they couldnt find the cause so after 10 days his wife went ahead with the funeral she says we have to wait 6 to 10 weeks to find out what caused his death how can they tell now he has been cremated i dont understand this i still keep waiting on a call from him i didnt see my son i dont even remember the funeral but i would have thought when the police took him away and the post mortom was done we would know what caused it dont think i will ever get over this seems like there was no reason for what happened i thought they would have to rule out a few things before they let the cremation go ahead im confused and heartbroken he was a great loveing son i miss him so much

Comments for in shock

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Jul 18, 2011
Sarah
by: Anonymous

Please don't feel the guilt that comes because you weren't able to travel to see him. I, also, can't travel due to illness and my son died by his own hand after 2 yrs' of bodily pain that was not helped by Rx drugs. He lived in NY state and we are in Ga.(USA). I know you are suffering and I am too. Mothers shouldn't have to bury their children. God will comfort you as He has me.

Jul 14, 2011
in shock
by: sarah

thank you for replys dont think i can take it anymore just feel like i dont want to wake up any more james was born when i was 17 seems like he was there all my life i feel so empty we left scotland when he was 21 he had a wife and kids so he stayed in scotland he wouldnt hear of moving i feel guilty now for leaving him we kept in tough all the time but i hadent seem him that often the last 3 years but still spoke on the phone i havent been well enough to travel so i feel guilty now

Jul 13, 2011
takes a long time
by: sarah

im so sorry to hear about your son its every mothers worse nightmare i still have 3 kids but feel i cant go on even for them i look alive but inside im dead its only been 3 and a half weeks but dont think i can stand another day take care x

Jul 12, 2011
takes a long time
by: Kay (australia)

I am so sorry for the loss of your son in such a sudden and unexpected way. The loss of our children no matter what age is something we never fully recover from. I lost my son of 23 in a car crash last year, he died immediately. They had to do an autopsy on my boy and it took 8 months to get a coroners report. The reason it takes so long they told us is they are overwhelmed with autopsy reports and they go on the bottom of the list with a lot of tests to be carried out . The results of the coroner is such a slow process over here. I hope you get some closure very soon. I send you love and healing. I still cry and miss my boy. It still feels like it was last week. I think it will be the most difficult and longest journey a parent could experience. I am thinking of you. xxxx

Jul 11, 2011
in shock
by: Anonymous

thank you for your kind words im trying to hold myself together but as the days go by i am finding it harder dont think the pain will ever go im just existing i think im taking it so bad cause i didnt expect it but my heart goes out to any mother who loses there child dont think i will get over this i do try but cant

Jul 11, 2011
thank you
by: sarah

thank you for your kind replys dont think i can get through this all i ever had was my family now i just feel empty i know i should try and help my other kids but i cant even help myself

Jul 11, 2011
shock and sorrow
by: Anonymous

My 21 year old son woke up one morning in acute liver failure. No warning at all. He was totally healthy up to that point in his life. He ended up needing a liver transplant but then his bone marrow failed. Two years of struggling to keep him alive ended 27 days after he turned 23 years old when he died of septic shock. We never did find out what started all of this. They ran every test in the world but we never got an answer. I've come to the conclusion that sometimes we just have to accept that the answer won't be given to us until we join our loved one in Heaven. I'm eleven months into my grief and its pretty horrible. I'm sorry that you have to go through this too. There is a good group on facebook called grieving mothers where you can share your grief with other moms who are going through the same thing. Sending hugs your way.
Shirley

Jul 10, 2011
reason
by: Anonymous

does anyone know why the post mortom wouldnt show cause of death?
-------------------
ED: Some labwork and tissue studies take a long time. Maybe that is why they don't know yet?

Jul 10, 2011
reason
by: sarah

thank you just cant understand how they will find the cause of death now take care

Jul 10, 2011
reason
by: Anonymous

thank you so much we will have to wait and it feels like forever to us im not coping at all my husband and i are heartbroken we have never heard of a post mortom not being able to tell the cause of death take care

Jul 10, 2011
Sorry For Your Loss
by: TrishJ

It's difficult to lose someone we love but when there are unanswered questions it seems to intensify the loss so greatly.
Grief is the price we pay for love. If we didn't love so passionately we wouldn't grieve so hard. Your life will never be the same again. Be good to yourself and take things one day at a time. You are probably still in the shock phase of this journey. Hold on. It's going to be a bumpy ride. It really gets worse before it gets better but we have to go through this journey to be whole again. Cling to those who love you. Take things one day at a time. Hold on to your beautiful memories and talk to God. He knows the truth and will see to it that you eventually know it as well.
Blessings and Peace.
PJ

Jul 09, 2011
IN SHOCK
by: Anonymous

One of the hardest things for us to deal with is not knowing. This leaves our mind open to raging
thoughts and out of control feelings. I am very sorry for your loss. May God and His Angels send
comfort to your soul.

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