In so much pain

by Islington
(UK )

Hello - I'll try to keep this brief...I've been with my partner for over a year, we're both in our 40's. From the beginning he has long periods of being distant and evasive, but he was also affectionate and loving at times and talked about a future together.

Recently I became ill and was diagnosed with a heart condition. My employers also told me last week they want to dismiss me because of my poor health - I'm fighting this through my union.

Two days after this news, my partner ended our relationship. As background, his dad died very recently after a long illness and I know this has deeply affected him. I tried to support him through this, but he appeared to be withdrawing more and more.

I'm reeling from the shock of him ending the relationship so suddenly. We didn't argue, things were simple and warm between us, I did love him, although I was never sure if he loved me.

I'm finding this so hard to accept, one minute I'm feeling desperate and a crumpled heap, the next I'm desperately missing him and wanting him back. This is the most intense pain and I don't know how to get through, every day is like a nightmare and the nights are worse.

Comments for In so much pain

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Oct 23, 2013
In So Much Pain
by: Judith in California

Dear , please look at his as a blessing. Hehas shown his true colors and you are only guessing as to why he left. It appears you are correct that he didn't love you. Is having a realtionship to where you have to do all the ging and getting so little in return worth it? He is never going to be who you need to have an enduriing relationship with. WHen you have to give up so much of who you are to be with someone it will never work. You, my dear, need to require more for yourself. It's better to be alone than with someone feeling that they don't love you back. It might be you are missing what you wished he was than who he truly is.

Oct 23, 2013
In so much pain
by: Doreen UK

What a very cruel experience. To be fired from a job due to ill health and then your partner walking out on you.
The workplace is becoming more and more difficult with changes happening daily. Things in the UK used to be so good and we were well protected till government changes seem to be working against us. I am sad for you having to fight a battle for fairness whilst being ill. This just all adds to your stress levels when you should be supported, and helped at such a difficult time.
I hope the unions will help support you with a positive result in your favour.
Your partner should have talked to you and worked things out. The fact that he started withdrawing from you without any respect and then walking away may be a sign that he didn't want the relationship. He may have been testing things to see what worked for him. I know it hurts especially when you love someone and want them in your life. But according to one's maturity level I would be inclined to think that you have had a lucky escape. Perhaps seeing a good counsellor for a few sessions may give you some insight as to what is going on so that you won't attract the wrong person. Relationships are so complex. Don't guess what went wrong. Counselling may give you some clues. I have had a good counselling experience and I had an amazing Positive experience where I handled life situations better and became a happier person where I lost a lot of my sensitivity to problems when they arose. This is one way to get yourself out of this pit of despair from what is happening to you. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 17 months ago and know how it feels to be alone at night and feel the pain of such a loss of emptiness and loneliness each day. Start by doing something good for yourself each day to help you feel better. buy flowers, and admire them. Cook some nice meals, go out and meet people, catch up with friends or family. Don't isolate yourself otherwise it just intensifies one's situation. Put positive things in your life and try being positive even when you are feeling down. Nurturing yourself back from this pain is what is going to help you. It won't give you all the answers you need but a step in the right direction to picking yourself up when you are feeling down. I have nurtured myself for the first 6 months of losing my husband, and by TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. It works. I hope life does get better for you in the days and months ahead.

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