Inconsolable

by inconsolable
(UK)

Why did such a good mum suffer and lose everything ?
by Inconsolable
(UK)

Lost my mum recently I cared for her, she cared for me through so much. Broken marriage, abusive relationships and phsyical restrictions.

My mum had nothing. She left school early to support her siblings after her mother died. Later in life she lost her 'trophy' the house she had worked for because of an abusive relationship (gambling). Those she turned to for help including her brother she had financed to become a professional man turned away.

When mum lost her home she was too ashamed to tell her friends where she lived - then she became sick and was unable to go out anyway because of the steps leading to the property.

We lived for each other for many years.

I carry around so much grief - about the injustice of this talented woman who when she fell on hardship those she had helped turned away from her.

Grief counselling helps others I know - but at the end of the day I come back to an emptiness without my beautiful, talented mum, who spent the last years of life with nothing only pain. I use to pray I could take all her suffering but it never happened.
Please, if anyone can write to help me come to terms with the injustice of her life I would be so grateful.

Comments for Inconsolable

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Jul 04, 2013
Purpose
by: Anonymous

Your mother was an angel here on earth. Very blessed--Those long suffering people who God seems to use by putting impossible people in front of them. All these books about women who love too much, I believe is not true. There are those who know how to love and those who need to learn more. Some do not learn. Consider that your mother was blessed in her horrible circumstances. That the pain she suffered was not in vain. Do not know your spiritual beliefs so forgive me if whatever I say does not fit your system. Ihad to believe that my mother was truly safe, in the arms of God and that her purpose was fulfilled in her life. Your mother sounds like she had a great purpose in her life, as painful as it may have been, bless your soul. I miss my mother every day and the orphaned feeling since both my parents are gone is really tough. My hope is that I will be with her and my dad again in a world without pain after my purpose is done.

May 17, 2013
She only needs your love..
by: Anonymous

Dear Inconsolable

It seems that much of our grief is regret over the suffering our mothers were forced to endure during their passage on earth. My Mum passed at the end of September last year and, for months after, my heart was in a wrench over the bad things which she had to put up with during her lifetime (and truly they were bad). The injustice of her pain and the brutal, selfishness of my biological father haunts me to this day. Somehow, I managed to process it all, and, after a while, I was able to pick myself up and carry on.. I managed to get through Xmas and through my Mum's birthday on 17 March, St Patrick's Day. What I did not expect, though, was the loneliness which has suddenly overwhelmed me this month.

May is the month when many people around the world celebrate their mothers. May is also the month of my birthday, and I cannot help but try to imagine the day when I was born to my Mum and what it meant to her. To me, it means that I was blessed from the very first minute of my existence and into eternity, to have been a part of this entity, my very own special human being; I carry my mother's genes, her sense of humour and many of her characteristics within me. This evening, while driving home from work, it suddenly dawned on me that my Mum is no longer the sad, tragic creature who suffered so much injustice in her lifetime. I had a real sense that she has transcended all of that and she is now a strong, humourous, happy being, always and forever young and strong, and that she is looking after me in a way I never, ever, ever thought I would be able to imagine. The sadness and the longing for her and for the opportunity to make things right and better for her will always be with me, for I am human. But, I hope that I will grow to accept the fact that she no longer needs any of that. She only needs my love.

I hope that someday you will be able to accept that too.

Veronica
Cape Town

May 10, 2013
Thank you
by: Inconsolable

Dear Gary, Thank you for your response to my post.

I appreciate your good wishes, unfortunately I do not share your belief that suffering has to be necessary.

I say unfortunately because this is the reason I am inconsolable.

My beautiful, gentle mum who had made sacrifices all her life suffered so the past few years. It seems so unjust that someone who put others (even those who hurt her) first had to spend so long struggling.

Maybe I am selfish but I did not want her in another world - I wanted my only relative beside me, my best friend, and guide. Best wishes to you.

May 09, 2013
Suffering is a way of life
by: Gary

Life seems unfair and that our loved ones suffer. Your mom is in a better place where there is no suffering just happiness. Jesus suffered his last days on earth, it's unfortunately a way of life on earth. Grief is a process that has control over you so don't fight it. I think if grief as a sign of respect towards our lost ones. We suffer because of the love we have for them. Take care and you will get better.

May 09, 2013
Doreen - THANKS
by: Inconsolable

Dear Doreen, Thanks for both your responses.

You described my mum so well. Your husband was outstanding to have these attributes too. I am sorry about your loss.

I hope she is with her mum who loved her so and she lose when she was only a child.

Mum was so ashamed when the house `her trophy' was lost by gambling - and those she sustained through such bad times turned their back.

Thank you for helping me to recognise that she perhaps accepted her lot, and hopefully my love was a comfort to her.


May 08, 2013
Inconsolable
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Inconsolable I received your post again and will respond again to different points I have picked up.
You are in deep grief pain and may feel that grief counselling is not for you. If you get the right counsellor it would help you to grieve your losses and this pain of grief would be less severe. It wouldn't bring your mum back or relieve your emptiness and lonliness but you would be able to move forward in a better way that would help you cope with this grief.
Your mum was such a giving person and looked after everyone else and had such a caring heart. She sounds much like my husband. You are deeply hurt to realise that when your mum needed help and support those she helped turned away from her. I find that life is like this to the good ones. My husband used to cry the same story. He was always available for everyone else even rescuing them from broken down vehicles in the middle of the night. When his time of need came no one came forward to help and support him. He then developed a deadly chemical cancer from asbestos and he spent many lonely days with his cancer with no one around to visit and cheer him up. Just me. I could see this really HURT HIM so much it broke his heart. I could see tears in his eyes a lot. Even when he had the cancer He was asked if he could go out and get something for them. He got up out of a bed of cancer and did the good deed the person needed. I was ANGRY OVER THIS. It was insensitive and SO WRONG. I know how HURT YOU FEEL about how your mum suffered in life and how let down she was often by others. I guess she would have then realised that nothing was going to change in her world and so her expectations were low. She would have resigned herself to her lot in life and tried to cope as best as she could because that is what GIVERS DO. I feel the same way, as my father suffered this way also. We grieve the loss of the one we have lost and then grieve the loss of the life they lived. We almost wished we were around to make it better and shield them from this suffering. Your mom and My husband is at rest now and at peace and cannot be hurt by life and other people letting them down. Their suffering is over. Ours is just beginning. I hope you have good supportive friends who will help you along this road of grief and that you will be comforted in your sorrow and grief.

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