Infidelity-I am lost

No one could have ever told me that my husband's affair with his "admin" and another woman could have cut so deeply. I have lost my foundation of trust in my partner. He was supposed to be my protector, my guardian. Now he wants everything back as normal and doesn't seem to really recognize the loss for me. Loss of trust, humiliation, loss of reputation(he passed on false information about me to his family and affair partners).

I have lost me.

I want to grieve, he says he wants to help, but he is tired and frustrated and demonstrates that he just wants to go on as if nothing happened.
I have lost 23 years with lies and deceit.

Comments for Infidelity-I am lost

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Aug 17, 2012
I live your pain
by: Left for Friend

I am living your pain right now. Daily.
In a period of 6 weeks, my husband of 19 years decides he wants to separate & move out. Bottom line, I found out in that six weeks that he had a lot of "communication" (not sure what else went on) and get togethers (under the guise of getting our children to play together) with a former friend of mine, who has since separated from her husband (a week after us).

I am in such a blind fury that I can hardly breathe. I cry several times each day, barely sleep, barely eat. How could anyone do this to someone else? Much less my spouse of 19 years.

We have moved apart, put our dream home on the market, and I recently lost my job as well....

That anyone, much less MY HUSBAND and MY (former) friend think they can build their future & happiness on the pain of their children and spouses is crazy.

I grieve the loss of my father in Nov. as well, and my stupidity with his hard earned money in combining it two months ago into my joint accounts with my spouse. If you EVER get an inheiritance from anyone, keep it to yourself !!!

I guess now they can skip off into adultery land to live their happy new life, while me and OUR kids start putting the pieces of ours back together.

He said to me before it was all over -- you knew we were leading separate lives anyway --- My response was - No *sshole! YOU have been living a separate life. I am living OUR life --the one that is right in front of you.

I hate him and I hate her, too.

Aug 12, 2011
I truely understand..
by: Anonymous

I know you have probably heard all you want to hear about sorry and people understand. My husband was in Iraq for a year and at the 7 month mark right before he was to come home for 2 week break with us. I found out he was cheating with a female he was dating 20 yrs ago. It was crushing, we have been together 19 years. We have children together.
Oh God, the pain i felt and still feel. There is so much of it. Its like a ongoing roller coaster ride that never stops.
It started off with him emailing her, than calling her, and than finally when he came home, he went to be with her instead of us. He lied and to this day doesnt admit he was with her, but there is proof. He was caught, but he lied and thinks no one knows what really happened.
we are in marriage counseling, its so hard. I want to scream and rant and it feels like i am going crazy, but i have gone through so much more in my life, i lost my mom to breast cancer at 10 yrs old and have been molested by family and raped at 18, divorced at 23. I am 43 now, its been a long road, struggling everyday. I have faith in myself even though its hard, i believe i am strong and if i can get through the past things i can truly get through this too. My mom would want me to go on, i have a disabled son who has Cerebral Palsy, and he is my hero. I know i can do this. It takes time, you have to let yourself grieve for the loss and find a way to trust again, it wont be easy, but than again, nothing in life is easy. I hope for you, that you can find some peace every day within yourself to make it through. Give yourself time, be patient and love yourself.
God Bless you and don't lose faith in yourself.

Aug 21, 2010
I am truly sorry
by: Terri

I hope this helps, I know not much will help right now but I'm going to try...
Let yourself grieve, let yourself feel how you need to and do not feel you have to justify your feelings to him, he did not justify his feelings to you. He was able to process this long before you because he knew long before you so of course he feels like its done, but only for him.
I hope you are or are going to go to marriage counciling to help you both learn what he was missing and what you are now missing?! That may help both or you work things out smoother! Good luck and stay strong!

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