Internal Pain

by Cynthia Jones
(Pleasant Hill, LA )

I lost my son it will be two years in August. He passed away on August 15, 2009. He had just turn a year old on July 2. Nothing in this world has hurt me the way that this has. I blame myself constantly even though I know it is not my fault. You always feel like maybe you could have done something different or you wasn't there when they really needed you. I know this is something that I will never get over I just have to learn to deal with this pain. He died in his sleep. Oh God this hurts just talking about it. I try to talk about the good memories to keep from thinking about that night. I wouldn't wish this pain on no one. I remember I tried to kill myself many times after this. I starved myself. I just felt like I couldn't go on without him. He was my everything my only child and I love him so much.

Comments for Internal Pain

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Jul 05, 2011
Thank You
by: Cynthia Jones

Thank you to all of you who commented on my page everyone has helped me and it was what I need to hear. I want to thank God for each and everyone of you. God bless you all!!!

Jul 04, 2011
Precious mommie
by: Anonymous

Dear Cynthia,

Your loss is my loss too. We moms are shredded inside when we lose a child of any age. Yours was a sweet one, yet to experience life. Mine was 30. He had experienced life and we thought he was where he wanted to be, but apparently not. After a breakup, he killed himself. Blame? Yes I know that one. Want to join him? Yes, I know that one too. Feel the pain so intense you think you'll die of heartache? Yes, I know that one too. Have a God who understands the intense pain of losing His only son to save all of us from our sins? No, I have not experienced that one, but I am so grateful that He was willing to die in my place. If He had not done that, you and I would never get to hold our children again, but we have hope that we will when He returns. And you will be able to raise your child in heaven. What a promise that you can cling to and what a loving God to hold you and comfort you until then. We can share each other's burdens for a little while, but I believe that Jesus is coming soon to clean up this wicked world and then we can have and hold our children forever. Hold on to His promises, dear mom. You are not to blame. Satan takes the credit here. Know you are loved. Blessings, GT, if you wish to contact me. I care.

Jul 03, 2011
I feel your pain
by: Mary N

I too have lost a child and I don't think there is any easy way to move forward without them. It has to be every parent's worst nightmare times ten and even then you really can't begin to imagine the pain that you experience, the overwhelming grief. One avenue I did explore and have since gone forward with after the advice from a friend is buying a piece of cremation jewelry in my son's honor. I bought a flat bottomed O as his name was Owen and I have yet to fill it with some of his ashes. I do however get a great deal of comfort knowing that I can have a part of him with me always. Hugs to you and your family.

Jul 03, 2011
our sons
by: kay

ohh Cynthia
I feel the same gut wrenching pain as you do. I too thought about joining my son many times. But I could not leave my grandaughters to feel pain similar to mine. Only a mother can feel the loss of a child she carries for nine months and nurtures, loves them with every fibre of her being. It is a pain that I believe as you said ,we have to learn to live with, at times we smile or even laugh but inside the pain is overwhelming....our hearts will always hold our sons,they will eternally live in us. My son was 23 but I feel the same pain as you sweet lady. My deepest love and healing I send to you. Just take one day at a time, thats all we can do.xxxxx

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