Is it viable, or am I being totally stupid!?
My girlfriend & I got together 3 years ago, when we were both 25. After a pretty good start, I fell in love in a way I wasn't sure possible! I have loved other girls before, but not sure I've ever properly fell in love!
I've always known I wanted kids and a family, but never found 'the one' to share it with. Now I had :) She was such a lovely, kind, caring woman who I simply adored! She adored me too :)
Our relationship was as perfect as it gets for 18 months or so before it started to decline. I don't recall a particular trigger, but I began to feel unappreciated and pushed away. She also became less caring and kind. Our once enjoyable sex life declined into a lazy, infrequent, passive act.
Since then, I have instigated four or five separate 'conversations' about the relationship. Each time I receive a commitment to the relationship and each time there is no change.
A few weeks ago, after another of these conversations, and obviously hurting, she made repeated attempts to goad me into an argument by saying and doing some hurtful things. When I tried to leave to avoid the escalating confrontation, she 'attacked' me - but with what I'm certain wasn't maximum force - it was moderate if that. (She lay on the bed at one point and kicked me in the thigh. Her body position was such that she could have easily broken my leg, but she didn't even kick hard enough to leave a bruise). I therefore don't consider that she 'assaulted' me.
I think she was trying to make me hit her back to make it easier for her to leave. I didn't. However, when she stood, I became cornered against the door, so I did push her away so I could open the door and leave. Devastatingly, she then accused me of hitting her and said "I always knew you'd end up hitting me".
To be clear. I've never, ever used violence against a woman. Not even raised my hand. Nor have I ever made threats, inferences or suggestions of violence either. Never. Ever! I was totally devastated. She also sent messages to my mother telling her that I'd "tried to hit her" and that it "Wasn't self-defense".
I have since learnt that my mother confided in her, telling her that my father had struck my mother on a number of occasions and that he was controlling and manipulative.(Of which I had no prior knowledge) I believe my girlfriend tried to make me do the same, because she knows I don't want to be like my father, and that the suggestion would hurt me tremendously.
Last week, my wonderful girlfriend became my ex-girlfriend and returned to live with her parents. But she continues to tell me that she loves me and wants to be part of my life.
I long for the life we once shared and would do anything to get it back but am terrified that if I let her back into my life she will repeat the accusations next time we have an argument. What if we did have kids? What would the consequences of a false accusation be for me!?
I note with interest, that all of my ex-partners are nice girls, all of who'm I still talk to and think well of me. According to her, all of her ex-partners are drug addicts, horrible people etc. I wonder if there is a victim type complex going on? :-\
I am an intelligent, successful, fit and attractive guy and am fortunate enough not to struggle with the ladies. But desperately long for the relationship we once shared, and wonder, through counselling if we could get it back, or is it a lost cause, and should I walk away now to save us both any more heartache.