Is my special half still with me?

I never knew what attraction really means until i met this guy.He seemed to be an average looking guy at first,but then it won't take much time for anyone to notice his awesome personality,to get raptured by the cute look in his eyes when he spread his sweet smile,to become a great admirer of his skills in getting everyone's attention in whatever he spoke.He was a very jolly person,so so full of life,such a great comedian,always cracking up jokes,was great at public speaking and at drama.He was so much of the person i ever wanted to be,and still I knew I was so less of what he was.He was my classmate.It took me no time to fall in love with him.I never had any guy friends,but luckily this guy used to talk to me at times and that made me so happy.Slowly,we became kind of friends.It was on his birthday,when he invited only his best friand and me that i came to know that he considered me one of his best friends.This made me so very happy.Though the party was cancelled later,I got him a gift,a cute small teddy.He gave me a card on my birtdhday,a kind of card meant to be given to a special friend.I was falling in love with him more and more with each passing day.We would generally go to school and tuitions together on our bicycles if we met on the way and he would keep talking.I liked him so much.We were sort of competitors in class for the first rank,but I always wanted him to be first.I always wanted his happiness before mine.I was his good friend and his secret lover.He told me of an ex-classmate on whom he had crush and considered her to be his best friend.I was crushed but still continued to give him my love through my friendship.Then school got over and I moved to some other town.I never went to my hometown after that,but we continued to talk on call on weekends.I was in a hostel now,and I didnt like the new place,so far from him.The only thing I had, to look forward to in my life was our weekly calls.I was still as usual a bit shy to talk openly to him,as he was the only guy friend I had and was my crush too.Then one year later,he started texting me and we started chatting each night about ourselves and our lives.He expressed to me in a very sentimental way,how much i meant to me and that he loved me a lot.I knew this was not the love i was wishng for,but just a friendly one.But even that meant a lot to me.He told me of some problem he and his crush had and told that they are no more in contact.He started sending me love you with good night and also used to told me that he considered me as his special half.He loved me a lot,though he told it was just friendly,but i was very happy.Then he moved to some other town and joined college.Here he could find more time for me and we chatted 24/7.We became very close in a very few days now.I learnt how great a fun it was to tease him for silly things.We used to tease each other a lot,used to get so happy for each others happiness,used to be there for each other at each adversity.He really had become my special half,without whom I couldnt imagine a life.Then one day he told me that he would like to get committed with me in 2 years,and wanted my response.I told him that I would love to.But then after 2 days,i got so emotional and told him that i loved him so much.We chatted whole night and by morning,he knew that i had an age old crush on him.Not only that,we were each other's now.Yes,finally he was my boyfriend.He had told me earlier that if his parents dont agree ( as arranged marriage is the tradition),then he wont marry me,but will always be there for me as my best friend.I wanted so much to spend my whole life with him,to grow old with him,I thought we will see all that later and lets enjoy the present.Slowly,our love as a couple increased to such a great extent that I never thought existed in the world.We had our fights,infact all by me..But we sorted them each time.We now knew we couldnt live without each other.He was my life.I prayed to God that if ever he had to depart htis world,then i would go with him too.I always wanted to be with him,wherever he was.Though it was a long distance relationship and i missed his physical presence at times,still the all day messages,calls and video calls made him the closest person i had in my life.I sent him gift on our 1st valentines day.He was so happy,he sent me too.We were planning to meet soon.This was our 2nd valentines day and he was so happy to get my gifts.He wanted to give them to his mom and sis when he would go home.I was happy as i loved them.I had told him to give my gift only when it was financially possible for him and was waiting for that.I was so much looking forward to meet him soon.He was about to go home and was very excited.Then suddenly one evening,when I was at home,I got a call that he drowned in a river and his body is being
searched.I was devastated but people told me there was hope.I prayed whole night for him,i was in terrible condition.Next evening,I got the news that his body was found.I couldnt believe that all this was happening to me.I wanted very badly to talk to him.I cant describe my emotions of that time.I felt a part of mine was chopped off and detached forever from me.He was like the very air I breathed.He was my everything.I couldnt believe how I was living if he was dead.I wanted to go to him,to take him in my lap and love him endlessly.I wanted to keep telling him how much i loved him.He was just 21.And he was a very sweet,very compassionate and understandng human being.Everyone was his fan,no one could believe how God could be so cruel.We had plans of getting married.We told each other that we were soulmates.And in a day,my life was taken so away from me.I dont even know where my sweetheart is,whether he is happy or not.Whether he misses me,does he need me.All of a sudden my life was over.All my dreams became painful to me,so did all memories.I cant believe I havent talked to him for 16 days now.I will keep counting the days my entire life i feel.I feel i can never be with anyone else as he was my only soulmate and this would be cheating.I know I can live my entire life loving him,but sometimes i miss him so badly.I feel bad for whatever happened to him,for not able to do anything for saving him,for living a life when he is no more.He was the only good friend I had,he was my lifeline..How do I live without him?? At times I just hope that this is a nightmare and that I meet him soon.At times,I wish I could be dead and be with him again.I cant imagime of a life without him even after all this.He was my life support.I feel terrible and horribly lonely.Though I have friends,but it cant be that way with anyone else.He was way too special.He was everything I ever wanted in life.I dont enjoy anything in life without him.I love to talk about him,but my friends change the topic,thinking that its not healthy for me.I just wish somehow I could be with him again...I wonder whether he still loves me or not! Whether he knows how much I loved him or not! Whether we still are each other's special half or not!!! Whether we always will be together and each other's or not!!

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