Is There a Cave
The girls in the cubicles outside of my office love to decorate for holidays. So I looked up yesterday and there were red hearts everywhere, including one on the corner of the cubicle outside of my office. The last big holiday they did was Christmas, and the day of the parties, I cried for three hours, hysterically, just being around it all. So what am I supposed to do about the month of LOVE?.. It is EVERYWHERE, TV, radio, billboards, you cannot move without the constant reminder that it is that time of year.
Last year at this time, John was in the hospital, I was caught in the worst snowstorm of the century and we were looking at furniture together online. John was so special; I never went a day without flowers on my desk from him. Moreover, he was crushed he was in the hospital and could not send me Roses on valentines. So he sent me two dozen the day after with a note of apology,... he was in the hospital and he APOLOGIZED for being late with my valentine roses.
So what am I supposed to do this year? Well for the office, I made them move all the decorations so I could not see them from my desk. That does not take care of the rest of the universe that is selling flowers, candy, condoms, and jewelry all for that special someone.
I have a special someone; he is the kindest, gentlest most loving man. He makes me smile just thinking about him. We love passionately, oh and we fight passionately too, but always there was the undercurrent of our love. I remember just before we got so sick we had a major disagreement, and the whole time, we held hands while we went back and forth. Always, everything is done with the absolute love between us. Every time I see an ad, or hear something, I want to scream. I do not want to hear this; I do not want to be reminded that the man I love is dead. I want him here, I want him to hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right. He promised we would always be, he promised he would be with me and we would take care of each other, he promised and John never lied to me in his life. He promised?..
So I am looking for a cave to hide in, so that I do not have this slammed in my face every day at every turn. I thought some of you might want to come join me?..
You are my heart,
I cannot do this without you, I do not want to.
One-step, one breath one day at a time