It all started in

I was born on september 21st 1991. my first memory that i can remember is my mother in a headlock while my father was repeatedly punching her in the face. but i was calm. i was ok with it. because it became my normal. and after that i was subjected to child abuse. and in the worst part of this i had one friend that i looked to for advice. And as you could understand at 8 years old i couldn't trust my parents so it was hard for me to trust anyone at all. but i had a friend i turned to to express how i felt my pain, my struggles and to grow with.

and recently after we became great friends he became ill with a brain tumor and passed away. and at 8 i wasnt able to comprehend how someone so young could die. but then my dog, i put my love from him in, dies a week later. i was alone and had no one to express my pain to so i held it and made that pain me. after that i got into drugs in the 7th grade and became an angry kid. and due to that i became a very bad kid.

i was accustomed to a friend being right next to me and the next they have a faulty drug deal or maybe they overdosed and maybe they just killed themselves. but now im clean and im trying to face every problem i had to deal with and it just isn't working. ive tried counseling, ive tried friendships, ive tried looking to god, and it has helped but that overlying pain of so much death just never seems to go away.

if someone has any advice on how to work on it id really appreciate it. i dont want to hear go see a counselor, i dont want a long paragraph on how you should look to your family for help. i want to know how you can deal with multiple deaths when you have no,one that cares to listen.

Comments for It all started in

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Sep 03, 2011
by: Vanessa

I am so sorry for all of the pain you have suffered and I can relate to you because I have felt the same way.

The way I have dealt with my pain is by pouring my heart out to God. It really does work and it has helped me tremendoulsy. You just need to pray a lot and whenever you feel down just pray.

Oct 11, 2010
one second one minute an hour
by: HH

I am by no means an expert on anything but a broken heart. It would appear that you just had too much to take while you were a child and the only way to protect yourself is the way that you did. You know no other way and now feel so alone. But you are not... we are all here with various phases and types of grief.

You lost your childhood and survived as best you can and now are trying to take things straight up. I would say as a mother to hang with people that are positive. Get involved in something that makes you happy. I wish I could do art and express all that is inside me.

At some point you need to forgive the people in your past or move on to make your own future. Regret has tormented you for long enough. And when the anger, resentment and just the plain miserableness sets in...Try something, anything to side track your mind. Don't let it go into the vicious cycle to "protect and numb" yourself.

There is so much living to be done by us all and we are all just trying to figure it all out. You are not alone.....Keep reading if it were not for this site I would have lost my mind months ago. One second, one minute, one hour and one day at a time. And be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished; just coming here asking for help is the first step towards your new life.


Oct 10, 2010
by: Zoe

I have no concrete answers
Coming to this site is a start write how you feel
WrIte what was taken from you
Most of us do not respond to the normal sit in a circle
And tell your woes
You must open the top of each pot and then share
With us we all read we all feel, we may not all
Understand but we try
And with each thing you vow to take very small steps
Not to gain ground or make a point but just to move
For myself, that movement and this site is all that
Has kept me from joining my John
I do not know I will, not but this does keep me going
Welcome to your new family
Broken though we be we will be here to try

Oct 10, 2010
it all started in...
by: jules

The only advice I have for you is to keep on going on this site - write for your life. I can not know how you are feeling, your life has been so complex, only you know. This site is available 24/7 - no appointment necessary, whenever you feel the need, get on here and write your feelings down, maybe it will help, I don't know. Read what other people have to say, what they are going through, or have been through, it might help.
I won't tell you to look to someone else to help, I won't tell you to look to "God"
I won't tell you to be glad you are alive
But I will tell you to share your feelings, emotions, grief (you are grieving - you lost your childhood)
I will tell you to wake up every day and say "ok one step forward - I got out of bed"
I will tell you that people care
I will tell you to keep coming to this site
I will tell you that you have friends on here you can count on

Please believe me

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