It all started in

I was born on september 21st 1991. my first memory that i can remember is my mother in a headlock while my father was repeatedly punching her in the face. but i was calm. i was ok with it. because it became my normal. and after that i was subjected to child abuse. and in the worst part of this i had one friend that i looked to for advice. And as you could understand at 8 years old i couldn't trust my parents so it was hard for me to trust anyone at all. but i had a friend i turned to to express how i felt my pain, my struggles and to grow with.

and recently after we became great friends he became ill with a brain tumor and passed away. and at 8 i wasnt able to comprehend how someone so young could die. but then my dog, i put my love from him in, dies a week later. i was alone and had no one to express my pain to so i held it and made that pain me. after that i got into drugs in the 7th grade and became an angry kid. and due to that i became a very bad kid.

i was accustomed to a friend being right next to me and the next they have a faulty drug deal or maybe they overdosed and maybe they just killed themselves. but now im clean and im trying to face every problem i had to deal with and it just isn't working. ive tried counseling, ive tried friendships, ive tried looking to god, and it has helped but that overlying pain of so much death just never seems to go away.

if someone has any advice on how to work on it id really appreciate it. i dont want to hear go see a counselor, i dont want a long paragraph on how you should look to your family for help. i want to know how you can deal with multiple deaths when you have no,one that cares to listen.