It gets harder not easier!

by Rob
(Bristol England)

I lost my mum on 10 October. She had been ill for some time but the call from my sister to come still caught me by surprise. I flew to Scotland arriving at midnight. I went straight to the hospital near Aberdeen. Mum recognised me and we were able to talk. After 2 hours I realised that it was only the worry for other people that was keeping her there. All her life she cared more about others than herself.
I stroked her head, held her hand and said 'its alright'. She opened her eyes and looked at me as if to say 'is it really alright?' I repeated several times 'its alright'. Each time she relaxed a little more. At 3.30am she looked up to the ceiling as if she could see something. Her look was of gentle surprise, as if it was not what she expected but yet still it was OK. At 3.40am she left.
It was good she had someone there. I think it helped her. For me it was the most painful thing in my life.
She was my guide and inspiration from the day I was born. As each day goes by all the little things I would normally have called her to talk about mount up. More and more I think 'must phone mum, havnt talked for a while'. But she isnt there.
I feel guilty that I didnt see her more. We lived a long distance apart. Yes I should have called her more as well. Too late now.
I dont have a strong faith and I dont know if there is anything to come after death. It breaks my heart to think I will never see or hear from her again.
Love you mum x

Comments for It gets harder not easier!

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Jan 08, 2013
|She is near (2)
by: Anonymous

Hello Rob

Our stories are so similar, it's unbelievable. I lost my Mum on 28 September last year. I live a great distance from my hometown so I did not get to see her often. We stayed in touch mainly by telephone but, very often, I neglected to call. Mum was ill with Dementia during the last three years of her life and it became more and more obvious that she could not sustain a conversation. I became frustrated at first and then despondent as time passed, and the periods between my calls became longer. Needless to say, I regret the times I did not call.

My Mum was a devout Catholic and I was raised in the faith but I became disillusioned with the Church as a young person. All these years I have been trying to find some spiritual direction with only minimal success. The only thing which really keeps me grounded is the comfort which I derive from the natural world, a legacy which my Mum passed on to me when I was little. Mum was a true nature-lover and I am intrigued every day by the things which she taught me to see, the small miracles which are constantly happening around us. Unfortunately, there is sadness to be found in nature too, and I staunchly avoid channels and documentaries which showcase the raw and brutal side of the natural world. I am the proverbial Ostrich with its head in the sand and I much prefer to observe the small wonders in my own backyard.


Jan 08, 2013
She is near
by: Veronica


If I may, I would like to share this episode with you: I returned home a week after the funeral and, about three days later, I noticed a wood-pigeon sitting inside a small shrub outside one of our bedroom windows. It was a secluded area of the garden and the bird looked quite peaceful. When I returned home that evening, she was sitting in the same spot, facing the opposite direction. The next morning, she was back in her original position, and I realised she was nesting. I kept a close watch on the dove (she kept a close watch on me, too) over the next few weeks. I saw an egg and then another egg and, finally, I saw the chicks. To get to the end of the story.. as the chicks grew, the mother began to leave the nest and I was able to observe them closely, until, one morning, there was only one chick in the nest. It seemed quite contented but I felt anxious. However, it was not my place to interfere so I went to work. When I returned it was still daylight, and I went straight to the window. The nest was empty, but... the chicks were there, both of them. They were perched on the lower branches of the shrub and I was delighted when I realised what was happening: flying lessons! By the time I got to the window next morning, the nest was completely empty. Needless to say, I felt some regret, but, at the same time, I knew that both the chicks and the mother would remain nearby, though I may not ever be able to recognise them.

My point is... We may not be able to communicate with our loved ones or to recognise them once they have transitioned into their new phase, but.. they are near us. The only difference is that they "have slipped the surly bonds of earth". Their spirits are flying free.

I'm not sure what you will make of this beeg comment but I hope it will bring you some comfort. I know that I will find my Mum in that wide, open space when the time is right, and I know you will too. Let go of the remorse and allow yourself to feel the loving presence which remains near you.

Jan 05, 2013
by: Anonymous

Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post.

Jan 05, 2013
by: Charlotte Banks Maxwell


Your comments were so appropriate and beautiful. All that you say is truth. I believe in God, our heavenly Father, and the Ressurection as Jesus explained it so well. What would life be all about if we had no hope.-- Hope of being with our loved ones again. What would life be like without love? Love is the theme of the Bible. We are all precious in the eyes of God. His love for us gives us the hope of eternal life with Him in a far more wonderful place.

It is all wrapped up in our believing in Him, confessing Him, and obedience in Baptism and becoming a new creature in Christ. Even if there was no God, the Christian life is still the best life of all.... Something can't come from nothing; and there has always been something, and that something is God. The Bible is so full of wisdom, and there is no better guide to living a rich and full life.

Jan 03, 2013
It gets harder not easier!
by: Doreen U.K>

Rob I am sorry for your loss of your Mum. It is one of the most painful experiences we will ever go through to lose someone so close to us.
It is a natural part of a mum's life to put her whole family before herself. Don't feel guilty if you never spent more time with your mum. Perhaps you couldn't and mum's understand this. There are so many more demands made on people today.
You said you are not sure if there is an afterlife. Some people just don't know and it is often a death and a church service that can touch on this and cause us to think about this area.
I was brought up in Scotland and was a Christian so I do have a belief in God. I do believe in a afterlife because God says so in his book the Bible. God is in heaven now preparing a place for those who love Him and keep his commandments. When we die we go back to the earth God created us from. Our Soul which is the (Breath. Character. Personality) all go back to God in Heaven. Jesus will then come back to the earth and re-unite us with our loved ones who have already died and gone on before us. This is my HOPE. This belief certainly makes life easier to go living. Not everyone will believe this. God gave us the knowledge and the Freedom to CHOOSE. I HOPE life gets easier for you in time and that you will be surrounded by good friends and family at this difficult time.

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