It has been awhile

by Terri Mitchell
(Marietta, GA)

It has been awhile since I have been on this site. My husband died 8 months ago. I can not believe it has been that long. I have started to see a therapist and he has prescribed some antidepressants because I have felt for some time now that I no longer have a reason for living. I thought it would be easier to take by now but it seems to be getting worse. I think about the day he died and our 31 years of marriage constantly. I can not think of anything else and I know by this time I should be moving on. My family and friends are sick to death of me and just wish I could move on as well. The pain is almost to much to bear. I miss him every second of every day. I have so many regrets that it makes me hate myself for not cherishing every second that I had with him instead of nagging over such stupid day to day things. I just want to feel better and start to live again. I feel like my life will always be this dark hole that I can not climb out of. I don’t mean to cause fear for those that have recently lost loved ones, I am sure some handle the death of a spouse better than others but I just can’t seem to be able to cope with this at all.

Comments for It has been awhile

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Nov 08, 2011
6 1//2 months and 43yrs of marriage
by: julie

I too like you feel like I seem to be going backwards. Today is especially bad since it is our anniversary. I feel like you do about family and friends...they seem to spot me and run the other way. There is no way that they can understand without going through the loss of their soul-mate and very best friend.

I'm having a very difficult time with the holidays approaching. Don't want to be around anyone especially family, because, this was his time of the year. He had such a big heart and loved the time of giving. He always did the decorating and loved going shopping for the kids and especially for the grandkids.

I don't want to ruin their Christmas, but I just can't see me trying to act "happy" for everybody. I don't think that I can pull it off.

But I do understand from others that somewhere in this journey its gets easier but right now that time seems so distant. I sure can't picture it.

I'm like you I have no idea what my role is now and don't know where to even start looking for it. Right now, my world is shattered and I am just to weak to try and pick up the pieces. Also, they tell that this is the time that God is carrying me and that's why I only see one set of footprints.

I will be praying for you...and just remember that I'm here and I do understand.


Oct 01, 2011
It hasn't been long Terri.
by: Sue

Hi Terri,
My husband has been gone nearly 7 months and some days the pain is so bad I can hardly breathe... I cry these agonising tears of loss because I know that nothing can bring him back to me, and no-one, not even my daughters can make me feel better. But there are days when I wake feeling that I can cope, that I am stronger, that I can think of his last moments in my arms without breaking down, and I can only believe that these days will become more frequent as I go through this journey of grief. There is no right time to start feeling better Terri... you are on a roller coaster of emotions and you must just go with the flow. No one can make this journey with you... all of us who grieve, do so at our own pace. Just know that he is at your shoulder and loves you still. God Bless. Sue xxx

Sep 30, 2011
by: SUE

It has been 4 mos for my Allen we were married 35 yrs. Once he was told he was sick it only took 3 mos. I had no time to prepare, but now I have to go on. And I am, I don't want to live in the past, I don't want to grieve, I want to remember the happy times. The times Allen made laugh so hard I would cry because of my deep love for him and respect for the good person he was. He came to me in a dream and has told me to go on, even said that David is a good man...well I don't know a David, but Allen said he will be a good man...So I will go on, I will be happy, I will take one step, one breath, one day. We all have to find that place in us that tells us that it is time, and we are all different, but I will tell you one thing I don't want the pain of grief, I want the joy of remembering.

Sep 29, 2011
Many firsts that first year


In the whole grief delio 8 months IS recent. You Loved him for 31 cannot shrug off that love, nor turn it off like a light switch. I love my husband still. Yes I know it has been 2 years and I am not supposed to admit that I still Love Him. I am not supposed to call him my husband. After all the law says that I am single/widowed. Both words that cut like a knife at 8 months. I accept this new life finally and know that most days will be good. I am just now coming out of the dark cloud that I called my life beginning to feel genuine happiness and delight with life. I am in fact reveling in that fact because it took so damn long to feel that there was any life after the one person that made my life Life died.

Oh I still have those creeper moments when a memory comes on and brings a fleeting moment of sadness. But it does not rule my day or my life as it used to. I smile more at the memories that we shared grateful at having had them. At having had THAT kind of Love.

Grief takes time to dissipate as love took to develop. Please excuse the spelling errors it is 6:45 in the morning and I am groggy...

Sep 28, 2011
Keep on Going
by: TrishJ

It will be 10 months for me on October 3rd. I'm with you. I feel like I'm back sliding. I can remember the most terrible day that I spent with my husband and realize now it was pure joy compared to what I'm going through.

I too feel like I should be further ahead. Yes, we all handle grief differently but I feel like I should be further ahead by now. It takes longer for some people. I also have regrets and "what if." I know I did everything possible but I somehow feel like I should've done more.

We just have to keep hangin' on. Keep on trying although we are crying. People who have not lost the love of their lives don't have a clue about what we are going though.

God bless. One breath, one step at a time.

Sep 28, 2011
It takes a while
by: Judy


What you are describing is exactly where many of us were sitting at the eight months gone mark. In fact my eight months post was titled "eight months and still grieving' There is no time table to feel better or be better. People who are not in the grief experience do not understand this and want you to to move along because it makes them feel better. No one is very comfortable with grief. Please look around here and read some of the older posts. You'll see that we struggled along for months before things got any better but all during that time we were cheered on and understood by the other travelers in grief you will find here. This is a good place and you will always find someone here who understands. Bless you and hand on.


Sep 28, 2011
I understand
by: judith in California

Terri, what you are feeling is normal . I felt okay after about 4 months and then wham! out f the blue the longer it became the more I cried and missed him. Especially the 10th month. It's still early for you. Your family is just going to have to understand Grief is not something you can rush out of. It takes on many highs and lows like a roller coaster ride. One day you're okay the next minute you're back to the very day he passed. I've read many letters here and we all are going through the same thing and most of us didn't take antidepressants, which by the way, can make it worse. I chose not to because I wanted to feel everything I was supposed to. It's been a year and 14 days for me since my love of 35 1/2 years passed. I still love and miss him and wish he were here but I do get out and see friends and go about my days in my new normal. It's hard loving someone who is not here and will never be again but we have to go on because we are still here for a reason.

Take care Terri and know you are not alone.

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