It has been awhile

by Terri Mitchell
(Marietta, GA)

It has been awhile since I have been on this site. My husband died 8 months ago. I can not believe it has been that long. I have started to see a therapist and he has prescribed some antidepressants because I have felt for some time now that I no longer have a reason for living. I thought it would be easier to take by now but it seems to be getting worse. I think about the day he died and our 31 years of marriage constantly. I can not think of anything else and I know by this time I should be moving on. My family and friends are sick to death of me and just wish I could move on as well. The pain is almost to much to bear. I miss him every second of every day. I have so many regrets that it makes me hate myself for not cherishing every second that I had with him instead of nagging over such stupid day to day things. I just want to feel better and start to live again. I feel like my life will always be this dark hole that I can not climb out of. I don’t mean to cause fear for those that have recently lost loved ones, I am sure some handle the death of a spouse better than others but I just can’t seem to be able to cope with this at all.