It hurts so bad.

by Kelda
(Lansing, Il)

I lost my Dad to a massive stroke. He was only 70 years old, a month and a half shy of his 71st birthday. To say that I'm shocked, angry and lost is an understatement. I am wrapped in confusion and anger. I miss and love my dad so much and I hate that he was taken from me so quickly and unexepectedly. I pray and seek comfort, but I mainly stay to myself and try to make sense of what has happened.

They always say to seek the help of others (friends, family) but to tell you the truth, I don't want anyones help - I want to be alone and cry and grieve!!!!! Why did this happen? what do I do? My father and I were so close. He always supported me no matter what and I miss our conversations. He has 3 grandchildren that will never know the fullness of his character, love and peace.

My dad loved his grandchildren, and they always brought a smile to his face. He had just come back from Hawaii on a Sunday night, and by Tuesday night he was gone. My dad was healthy and energetic and although he suffered from hypertension, he didn't let that stop him from living life and enjoying the moments God blessed him to have.

I'm confused, very angry and I hate that this has happened to our family. I wish this was just a bad dream, and I could wake up and see my Dad again, hug him again, laugh with him again and just enjoy his presence.

I'll never forget the call I got from my sister on March 11, 2009 -"Dad's in the hospital, he passed out on the bathroom floor and he's unconscious." My Dad remained in a coma for just 24 hours before passing away at 7:22 p.m., talk about an out of body experience. Watching my father lay in his hospital bed motionless,lifeless and slightly cool, it all seemed surreal. It was after his funeral that I really felt and continue to feel the effects of his untimely death.

I run a home-based business and I'm thinking of taking a month off just to think, relax and strengthen my faith in God. I'll admit I've been angry with God at times, but I love and worship God, and I know we all have an appointment with death. I just wished my father's appointment was much, much later in life. Pray for me, as I try to navigate through this very, very difficult time in my life.

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