it hurts so much

by mike

My mother passed away in april 2012, I am her second child and am 26 yrs of age. My mother was the greatest human being i have ever met , her unconditional love, her sweet demeanor made her who she was. I was always a mommas boy, i married very young and though i had found the perfect lady, she was sweet to my parents in the beginning and seemed like everything was perfect. After we married everything changed, she constantly belittled my mother and always blamed her for anything she could throw against her, i hated having to hear her complaints about my mom, and unfortunately i always defended my wife more than I did my mother. It was clear that my wife hated my mom but for no good reason.
After she passed away it seemed like everything changed she now talks about my mom as if they had a perfect relationship, she even cries which really gets to me, i feel like telling her off and telling her to stop crying because i knew how much she dislike my mom. Now that my mom is gone i apologize everyday for not standing up to my wife who i now have resentment towards to and cant deal with the pain that i wasnt the son she deserved. Mike

Comments for it hurts so much

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Oct 05, 2012
It hurts so much
by: Doreen U.K.

Mike you will always be the son your mom deserved. The problems you are experiencing with your wife is to do with the family dynamics. You were a momma's boy. A lot of interplay here within the family has caused your wife to resent your mother. Your wife wanted your undivided sole attention. She didn't want to share you with even your mother. Hence her bad attitude towards your mother all of a sudden. This is why she was always respectful of your mother in the early days. something has happened for this to suddenly change. Now your mother has died your wife is gone back to her old self and talking positive about your mother, and it annoys you and makes you resent your wife. Your wife is not happy that your mom has died. She is relaxed because she doesn't have to share you with your mother now she has gone. Her stress and anxiety over this has gone. this is a normal reaction.
You could benefit from counselling to see further what is going on here. Counsellors look at the deeper picture. Not what is on the surface going on here in your story.
Things can't go on like this otherwise your marriage will end. You have a chance to make your marriage work. You have lost your mother (get grief counselling for this loss). Don't lose your wife now when you both need each other more than ever now. Tell your wife exactly how you feel. Even if you both have to go to counselling together. You can sort out your feelings. Every marriage goes through problems. TRY AND WORK IT OUT! otherwise you will end up being ALONE. I was married 44yrs. I lost my beloved husband. I was committed to him. I was able to sacrifice my own happiness for his. Because I LOVED HIM MORE THAN LIFE. See your marriage as a committment and try and start committing to it with everything in you. It is hard work but worth the effort to make your marriage work.

Oct 05, 2012
Hope I help
by: Anonymous

Mike, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your wife is very immature and was jealous of your Mother and of your loving relationship with her. DId your wife come from a loving family background? Was she close to her father or mother? If not , She just didn't understand the love of a mother and son. So she created situations in which you would have to prove you loved her more than your mom.Very unfairly I might add. How very sad. You must tell your wife how you feel or it will fester until you blow up and end up divorced.

It may help to write a letter to your mother in heaven and tell her how sorry you are . Sometimes putting it on paper helps. IT did me.

God Bless you.

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