It hurts.

by Ashley

I've dated this guy for three years and he suddenly broke up with me after a wonderful date. It's been a week so far and he is already dating another woman. It seems as if he has died.

The pain is so strong and nothing helps ease it. I love him, and it's hard to let go. He won't even be friends. I feel so many emotions and it's so hard to understand what they mean. I am seeing a psychiatrist which helps, but I still feel so much pain.

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Jan 31, 2010
It's been 4 months
by: LoveJohn

My girlfriend of 2+years broke it off at the end of her B'day weekend with 8 of our close friends. On the last night we went to sleep mad at each other (1st time ever, BTW) over things I had done & ways of being that she had decided didn't work for her. She was responsible, concise, even non-accusatory in detailing the specifics (I even took notes, so I could "work on myself" and change!) The next day at home, she said " I am "completing our relationship." (Completion = full, having ALL it's parts, not over or finished, just nothing missing or unsaid). I was able to actually understand her "reasons" and agree to separate gradually, without rancor, and with FULL disclosure with each other and our close-knit community, where we met. Hey, I "got it": it was her choice, her limitations of being with my "ribald humor, dependency, lack of ambition"(from my notes). It wasn't "personal", just a change... an unexpected one and, in hindsight, an eventual one, with obvious signs of different interpretations, goals, and, oh, yes: we agreed to "take it one day at a time" throughout our entire relationship. Well, apparently that was the day her time was up and too bad for me. She was and still is available to communicate to, indicated remorse and sadness, but firm in her resolve (exactly how she was with her former husband).

Hey, she had enough, was "gettin' outta Dodge" and I understood, for a few weeks until the reality of it hit: we weren't together anymore! It was me (enter Guilt, stage right)and there was not anything I could do about it.
My pain really began then and has ebbed and flowed since. One minute clear, resolved, OK, "complete", the next, crying seeing her picture on facebook, aching at the mere thought of her, or having petty, revengeful, self-justifying, and/or blaming ideas about her and her new boyfriend, who happened to be at her B'day weekend, a relatively new friend to both of us, and who subsequently, succumbed to their mutual attraction and started showing up at community social events with her. She emailed me that they were "seen" there and she just wanted me to know from her that they didn't plan it" (surprise, surprise!!), it just happened and she knew it would hurt me, but didn't see anyway around their "true feelings". Cue my suspicion, anger, and, of course, my favorite: feeling betrayed, stage left (field). I talked to both, shared my feelings and heard their assurances that it wasn't planned, nor clandestine, which, I must say, I believe more and more as time passes.

After reading some of this website, I feel better about my grieving and see that I'm consciously going through MY process in no particular order, intensity, or rationality. I sometimes think that I never love again, but the 2 wonderful years I was with her proves I can...and I will and so will you.

Sep 21, 2009
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry for your pain because I can understand how you feel. That is what my ex did too...just left explanation. I too am seeing a therapist. It helps, but the pain is hard to take. You can make it through this! We both can. Know that someone who doesn't even know you will be praying for you. I will. May you feel little pieces of hope every day. Take can make it!

Sep 02, 2009
by: kelsy

I know its hard to let go. Me and me ex broke up a year and few days ago, and its still a little hard to really let go. So it will take a long time, and alot of working through how they could be your best friend one second, then completly abandon you and leave you with as many open ends as possible. I feel for ya, but it does get better, eventually.

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