IT IS A YEAR TODAY

by Colleen

one year ago today my Son John died. I am at work and cannot stop crying, I could not get a sub to cover my shift. This morning at 8:05 am I lit a candle and said a prayer, but I feel so lost, and the sadness just goes on and on. I feel so bad for the moms that are just starting this horrible journey of missing your son or daughter, it is hell. I really don't think I can go on anymore.

Comments for IT IS A YEAR TODAY

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Sep 23, 2012
My One and Only James
by: Judy

Colleen,

I am not sure how old your Son was at his passing but I truly feel your pain and am just starting my grieving road. My Son James passed away July 2012 from suicide. I never thought my only Son was capable of doing this and to be the one to find him..well there are no words. Amazingly, I have had no anger toward him for his actions and don't believe I ever will. Instead, I open my heart and mind as to why he felt life was not worth living anymore. I noticed a comment on here about it doesn't matter young or old or my parent(s) died and so forth. It is not until you lose your child would a person understand. My Son had not even started living life and to think he was so troubled and bruised to make the decision to end his life. His internal pain he could bare no more. James is an incredible caring, passionate and sensitive person who lives in my heart and touches me everyday. His spirit is very powerful and watching over me everyday. God Bless you James, you touched so many lives and we carry you in our hearts every day. Mom xox

May 02, 2012
One Year......A Long Way To Go Still
by: TrishJ

Colleen~
I am truly so sorry for your loss. I don't know what it feels like to lose a child but the death of my husband has left me a broken person.
For some reason I thought the one year anniversary would bring me much needed relief. Boy was I wrong. I think we drift through the first year in survival mode. Everything in our life is different from the moment our loved one is pronounced "DEAD." Nothing makes any sense anymore. The sunshine doesn't seem as bright. We struggle just to get through the day.
The one year anniversary made me stop and realize my life without my husband is not much fun at all. I miss him so much. The fact that your son was so young (he barely got a chance to experience life) has to be so crushing to your spirit.
God bless you as you continue on this journey. One thing is for sure......the love we had with them (and the love they had for us) can never be taken from us. That's ours forever. Somehow that keeps us connected to them. I wouldn't be able to get through a day if I didn't truly believe that my husband is at peace and will be waiting for me when it is my time to go.
Hugs and Peace.

May 01, 2012
you are not alone
by: Anonymous

There are never words that anyone can use to describe grief; nor are there any words that can comfort the griever.

What has helped me get through this past year, is knowing that God is my comforter. He knows my pain and He knows yours.

Don't be ashamed to feel what you feel. If someone around you feels uncomfortable, that's their problem.

I use to be embarrassed when I choked up in front of someone, now I don't care. If I'm in a store and see a spongebob sun hat, chances are i'm going to choke back tears; whoever is with me just has to be okay with that. This is me and this is the best I can be.

We hold our children physically for a length of time, we hold them forever in our hearts.

Try to enjoy everyone else around you, and remember our little ones loved it when we smiled.

Know that I will pray for your sorrow, please pray for mine.

a mom

May 01, 2012
grief
by: cyndi

I am so sorry to here about the loss of your son but you are his mother her will always be by your side, he is your lil angel was then and now always will be. I have not lost a child but i did lose a mothere and brother a year apart. so please just cry and try and keep your head up! much love for you!

Apr 30, 2012
It's going to be ok
by: SUE

Grief is the hardest thing anyone can endore. Words are no match to how you feel, only time helps, each day it does get alittle easier, it does! I lost my dad we were very close, he was my advisor, hero, my best friend. God as my witness! I never thought I would get this far without my dad. I have choices, either right ones or wrong ones, I pick to ride it out not because I know my dad would of wanted it like that, but because I know he would of done the same thing. In my lifetime here I don't want to disappoint him. Time goes by so fast before I know it I will be seeing him again I know this. If I chose ending this life time here I will never see my dad ever again because where he is I wouldn't be going. Im catholic so I believe that if you take a life either yours or someone elses you don't make it to heaven and that is where my dad is. I know its very very hard and the tears are like a stream. You will be ok just look forward to going where he is and only God can decide when your time is up. Read on the computer how others cope with the lost of a love one. You never get over the lost of a loved one but, how they cope with it how they continue to go on with everyday issues, life. I heard most of it, have faith, better place, he is looking down at you. What I needed to know more was how does the heart heal and it doesn't it just gets easier. You will be fine its ok to cry you are in control of you feelings, its hard yes but it gets easier only with TIME. Sue

Apr 30, 2012
tomorrow is five months
by: Lost without him

My son died on January 1st. My joy and desire to live died then. I still hope that there is hope and some sense in living. I have other,younger children and I love them very much. Yet, I do not feel much except for sorrow and torment. I am so full of doubt. My faith has dried up and there is no sign of God or my son that I can see and understand. What is the meaning of this all? Please know that you and your son matter. You have just compelled me to look beyond my own pain. I am still in the same tunnel as far as I can see but I will keep digging... God, deliver us from despair and grant us Your peace.

Apr 30, 2012
John
by: momma anne

Hi I'm so sorry for your loss and that you are having such a hard time today, it must be awful to have to focus on work on a day like this. I have not lost a child but, I have lost my 3 year old grandson in Jan. this year. I know the pain from a grandmas view and I know the pain from seeing it in my son's eyes and Landon's mommies eyes. It's not right that we bury our children and grandchildren before us, many times I have questioned why I'm still here, I would of gladly switched places with him, I have lived a good life and he was just starting life.
I too will lite a candle for your son. Can I ask what happened to him and how old he was? tell me about him, talk about him every chance you get, keep his legacy alive. I know not even death can stop a mothers love for their child. Also feel that your son would not want you crying and sad for him. Hugs and much love, Ann (my email if you need someone to talk too is azylo37@yahoo.com)

Apr 30, 2012
Losing your son, John 1 year ago
by: Lorraine

I don't have any advice for you because we all are hurting and who can help? It does not matter how old or young, but he is your son and there is so much pain when you lose one. they say time heals all wounds and it does get easier because you won't grieve every day. Working keeps your mind busy at times so you cannot keep sorrowing. There just is no easy way out of this except to know if we live well we will be together again for all eternity where every tear will be wiped away. Sending my love and a prayer to ease your pain.

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