It is complicated
I was my mother's care taker for the past ten years. My mom did not want to leave her home and move in with me and my family, and I would not put her into a home. I am fortunate that I worked ten minutes away from her house so I could go over every day at lunch and could go over to her house when I was done work at 5:00. I am only child, who is married with a son who is 13. A little background----my parents divorced when I was four years old, he was never part of my life, in fact, he died and I didn't find out until he was dead for six years. My mom raised me alone. She sacriced an awful lot for me. We didn't have a lot, but she always made my Christmas' special. She insisted that I go and graduate from college. She always put me first.
My mom suffered from rheumatiod arthritis. It is a dibilitating disease that just destroys your joints and you become disabled.
I would go to her house every single day, sometimes two andd three times a day. Sometimes I resented thsat I couldn't live my life the way I wanted to or that my family couldn't go on a vacation---to put it simply I geuss I became selfish, thinking of my own needs before hers.
In late February I had to rush her to the hospital after she collapased in my arms, originally diagnosed with a minor heart attack and a broken pelvis (from collapsing in my arms). Five days latter, I am signing a DNR, and enrolled her in hospice because of organ failure. The next day she died in my arms.
The grief that I have comes and goes, right now it is worse because I am in the process of cleaning out her house, the place I have called home. I know I have to do these things, but damn, it hurst like hell.
she was the biggest and most positive influence in my life. Our relationship was complicated at times, but my love for her never stopped---it still hasn't