It was planned

by Chris
(Gardena, CA)

I want to say something...I feel almost compelled to. It is a message to anyone who has lost someone dear or who will lose someone.

You may or may not be ready to hear this right now, but try to remember the meat of it. I think it may help you later.

I have heard all the polite sentiments... that it was just his time, or that God called him, or that these things just happen.

Well I'm here to tell you that the first sentiment is absolutely true and that the last is definitely not true. These things Don't 'just happen', and yes... It Was just your loved one's time.

These are not hollow meaningless murmurs coming from me, and I will tell you why.

When I woke up in the middle of the night and found my husband dead, I was in shock. I went through the motions of getting dressed, calling our children and calling the police, but I really wasn't there. I was in a personal hell, wondering how he could be gone and me still here. How could it happen? Why?

Later it was replaced by wondering if there was anything I could have done, noticed, prevented that would have kept him alive. Because there was no sickness, no wasting away. He went from a vigorous man to a dead one in a day.

I didn't rail against God like so many do, nor did I blame Him for Danny's death. I tried to accept it on any level I could at the time. It was only after some of the shock wore off... a month or so, that I began to realize how much preparations went on beforehand. How very planned his death was. It gave me a lot to think about.

The work in the shop was winding down, and our ability to keep good money coming in was diminishing. We still had enough to live and occasionally had a windfall to carry us over on thinner times, but customers were going down like bowling pins, and new ones were harder and harder to find with machine shops like ours, all looking for work too.

It would have broken Danny's heart and will if he had to see the shop go down. Working was the only thing he had. And working for someone else, if he could even get a job at his age, would be hard on him. WE didn't have Social security, retirement or any other money to fall back on. He always said he would work until he died. And that is exactly what happened. He died before he would have to admit he couldn't take care of us anymore. That alone would have killed him, but he was spared the guilt and sorrow it would have brought.

Danny was 64 when he died. He spent 63 of those years wishing he could play something. Anything, guitar, drums, whatever. The poor thing just could never find the beat. He could not follow it or feel it. So no music. It was his biggest, constant, nagging regret, one that he mentioned all the time, because he LOVED music.

10 months before he died, he found the beat. You don't go your whole life and suddenly find it easy to feel the beat and pulse of music. But he did. And oh did I ever thank God for that... every day that I saw the joy in his face, the animation and interest in his eyes, it gave me joy too!

You never saw such a happy guy. He came alive in a new way and spent hours with drumming... thinking about, talking about or doing it. I made a makeshift drum set for the shop, out of the way and with a cassette player at hand, and if he wasn't drumming, he was talking about it, or studying drum books.

He would read something, try it out, go work on his machines, and then stop, sit down at the drums, work something out and go back to the machines. He would figure out something in his head and it just clicked and he had to try it out.

That is, I believe, a gift God gave him before calling him home.

Danny. in all the 41 years of our marriage, was never the demonstrative type. Not one for sweet talk, kisses and hugs at odd times, or loving nicknames. That last year, he took to calling me sweet names instead of Chris, would get up and give me a kiss, just because. Come put his arm around me when I was cooking or doing something at the mill or lathe. He started to loosen up and let me see in more demonstrative ways how he felt. I always knew how he felt, but he just wasn't easy about doing 'mushy things' to show it.

That was, I believe a gift God gave me before taking him away.

My son had a decent paying job welding. He made enough to support himself. But if he got laid off, he would have a fraction of what he would need to pay rent and food, etc. Five and a half months before Danny died, Danial's boss got a job from the government , working at a military base for a few days. That job paid each man a LOT more than they made normally. So much so, that if Danny got laid off within 6 months of the big weekly pay, he would get enough to pay rent, gas, and food easily.

So three weeks before Danny died, and just within the time limit for keeping that big paycheck in the system, my son's boss laid him off.

That was a gift to him and to me. Because I don't see him still being able to concentrate on welding under the circumstances of his father's death.

Nor do I see me being able to cope, all alone, in that big empty shop where Danny and I had lived and worked for the last 18 years. Having Danial there every day was my lifeline for a while. And he was able to almost single handedly get the shop in order so I could sell off the pieces and clean it up. I couldn't have. And considering the money I didn't have, I couldn't have hired anyone to do it for me.

Business had been slow, very slow, not unusual at the beginning of the year, but slower than usual. So instead of having 6 or 7 jobs that needed to be put on, there was just one, and that one was one we ran so often, that there was a machine already set up for it. We had the material so I got to have one more receivable in before closing down. At any other time of year it would have caused a big problem for our customers, who had a tenancy to wait until the last minute to post a job. It was hard enough calling them and telling them to allow enough time for getting quotes on future jobs. It would have been a lot harder on them if they had to scramble to find a vendor with their customer breathing down the back of their neck!

The owner of the property we were on, lost it to the bank, and with the economic crunch so bad, they were more than happy to let me stay without paying much rent, just to have tenants showing. It was kind of them, and much appreciated by me.

Everything fell right into place. Everything was planned to the last detail. Even a place for me to move to, and my mom to be with. It was/is good for both of us. There was no insurance, no SS, no retirement. The last three slow years had eaten up our savings. I applied for and received disability payments for my lymph-edema. But they are not enough to pay any kind of rent. Mom gave me her little office in back of her house which I have made into a cozy little home, and I give her some of my check money to pay for electricity. Other than that, I don't see me being anywhere but on the street. So God put me right where I could afford to be.
He also answered a need for my mom. After her husband died, she was achingly alone. I could only get down to see her once a year, now we see each other every day, and just knowing someone is close makes a difference.

So no, it didn't 'just happen' and yes, God did plan it perfectly.

All this to show me again, in these times when every source is trying to take us away from our belief and trust in God, that He is there, He is watching, and He has everything in hand.

Know that if you lost a loved one, it was in a time and way that was best for you, best for your loved one and best for your life as it is.
A new time of growth and a way to show God your devotion and belief in Him.
Rest your sorrow on God's shoulder and let Him help you cope with missing your loved one.

May God bless you all.

Comments for It was planned

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Jul 05, 2014
There's a plan for all of us.
by: Rosie

I lost my partner 3 years ago, we had been together over 20 years and looking back it was as if things were in perfect order.
The house he insisted we move to was around the corner from the hospital, he purchased a new car for me and we seemed to become very close. We were always close but we became much closer and then out of nowhere he was diagnosed with incurable cancer and died with in 2 months. It really seems now that it was all planned.
I truly believe that what happens is meant to happen and everything is as it should be. We are part of the universe and although I don't believe in the Bible I do beleive that there is a higher power (call him God if you like)and a home in another relm that we all have come from.
I guess we will never know for certain what lies ahead of us, when our turn will be or where we go but it will be as it should be and as it has been planned.
As someone said to me once, we are not meant to know because it would be like getting the answers before we sit the test. That makes sense to me.

Jul 02, 2014
He really does have a plan for all of us
by: Anonymous

I lost my mom yesterday. Your post did exactly what you meant for it to do. It gave me what i needed to see her plan from the beginning to the end and my faith in god and his plan for all of us is so strong, i was about to lose it right before i read your post. thank you and god bless you.


Jun 30, 2014
It was planned
by: Doreen UK

Chris I am sorry for your loss of your husband to a sudden death. THANK YOU! for your perspective on death and your belief that "It was planned".
God does work in very mysterious ways and in our finite minds we cannot understand fully the ways of God. But we who know God also know that his timing is perfect and dare we who believe question the ways and timing of God.
We know we were created by a loving God. He then sent his son to the cross to die for us when we fell from grace and needed to be saved. His timing was perfectly planned for His son to die for us. His plan was to save us and He did this by sacrifice of his Son Jesus. We know we were created beings. We belong to God and This is his earth and we own nothing but the life He gave us. Our lives are planned before we are born. God knows everything about us. The day of our birth and the day or our death. I always believed this. Then in 2009 my husband was diagnosed with the rare and serious cancer from working with asbestos an inoperable, incurable, aggressive, terminal cancer. which took between 40-60yrs. to develop. My husband was spot on for 40yrs. Oh! how I wished it was 60yrs. so that we could have had some extra years so Steve could retire and enjoy some down time he earned from his hard labour. Surely God wouldn't deny him the Fruits of his hard Labour? I prayed for Healing. I sent prayer requestS throughout the world for Steve to be healed. In many ways it looked as if Steve was healed because he survived 3yrs.39days with an aggressive cancer. Then he died 2yrs. ago. I Knew God throughout my Life, but I didn't understand Him taking my Steve. We emigrated to Canada and came back within one year over 30yrs. ago. Still not knowing that Steve carried a cancer in His body for all those years. 40yrs to be exact. Everything fell into place for Steve to receive by hard means and a tough battle, some compensation. Only God would have known I wouldn't have been able to bury my husband. I had no money. We always struggled and God always met our needs. WE DEPENDED ON GOD FOR EVERYTHING. I had enough money to pay for a funeral, a grave with headstone. A verse on his headstone that was perfect but expensive had I not been blessed by God with some compensation. Enough money to pay for house repairs and a little over to live on in the tough times. Had Steve been granted the 60yrs. maximum for living with this MESOTHELIOMA as I pleaded with God for, we may not have been blessed with any money for a funeral. I still WHOLLY DEPEND on God for EVERYTHING. He owns it all. "IT WAS ALL PLANNED." God has His perfect timing. We just don't always know it. God then slowly reveals His Plans to/for us. "I will come back again as I promised to receive you unto myself, that where I am there you may be also." HIS PERFECT PLANS FOR OUR LIFE AND OUR FUTURE. "IT IS ALL PLANNED."

Jun 30, 2014
Your Words are a great comfort
by: Debi

Dear Chris, I have just read your posting and I have to say I have taken great comfort in your words. I lost my beloved Mother 6 weeks ago and although I was so fortunate to have her up to the age of 82 it was very sudden and she had been so supposedly fit and healthy. We were so, so close. As an only child, I lost my father very suddenly 14 years ago at the age of 66 and my grandmother 18 months later, I have no one of my original family left in this world. My deepest regret is how much she had to look forward to. We had just booked a holiday and mum was joining myself, my husband and her adored grandson of 14 years in sunny Spain. She was so excited. She had a wonderful group of friends and a brilliant social life (better than mine!!) and although I live in another country she spent 50% of her time with us because myself, my son and her were all we had. I have questioned over and over why now? She had so much living to do. But this question alone is futile. Because we cannot see God's master plan just yet, doesn't mean he doesn't have one and all will be revealed in time.

Your eloquence Chris in describing your wonderful Danny and how you have realised God's plan has given me and I am sure many others great comfort. Faith is everything. Without that we are nothing. Believing in what we cannot see is vital. 'That which is essential is invisible to the eye' May God's blessings be heaped on you and your lovely family Chris. Live long and strong just as Danny would have wanted. Until you meet again.

Jun 29, 2014
it was planned
by: Anonymous----MI

Chris, I absolutely agree with you; God has a time for all things and being born and dying is certainly in His great plan. While I am broken hearted and grieving every day since my husband died 19 months ago I still know that God has a time for all of us to leave this earth. I do not understand God's timing but, then who am I to think I deserve an answer from God? This is the time that I must keep my eyes on Jesus and keep my faith in His goodness and love. This is trusting what we do not see but knowing God is always by our side---through the joys and through the sorrows. May God keep us in the hollow of His mighty hand.

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