It Wasn't Supposed to be This Way

Our darling daughter Katy died on July 7, 2012. She was 23 years old.
When Katy was 14 years old she had to get a pacemaker. Her heart block was discovered at a routine annual check-up. After her surgery, she spent the next 8 years in chronic pain from the device. More surgeries were tried to alleviate the pain. She finally ended up at a pain doctor and had to take a variety of medications. Needless to say, her teenage years were difficult. And she became difficult, just like many teenagers. Moody and dark.
In high school she became a certified nursing assistant. Her ability to care for the elderly and handicapped was incredible. At home she was still her moody self, but during her work she was like a new person.
After high school Katy went to the local college to try to become an RN. She dropped out 4 times. Her goals were always higher than her confidence. She switched and went to a technical college where it was more "hands on". She loved it and was doing fine along with her job as a CNA.
A year and a half ago she got a new pain-free pacemaker and she met a wonderful guy - after so many deadbeats and underachievers. You could tell that they were madly in love and he brought out all the sweet, wonderful qualities that my daughter had been storing up for so many years. She just radiated!!
During all of this time, Katy lived at home. Her brother and sisters all had moved out, but she was busy saving her money to get a new car and a place of her own. Her boyfriend didn't live here, but they managed to see each other most weekends. His mom and I were just waiting for the day that he would pop the question.
At the end of June, my husband and I took a vacation to visit our families. On a Wednesday night we got a call that Katy had to go to the hospital because she was having severe chest pains. My husband talked to her and she said she would be fine. The following day I talked with her and she said that her pacemaker and heart checked out okay and they were going to release her later. So we didn't go home.
On Sunday, my husband went home because he had to return to work. I was to stay with my parents and siblings for another week or so. That night came the horrendous phone call. All I heard my dad say was "Katy's dead", before I went into shock.
That day when my husband had gotten home, he went to wake Katy up to help clean up the mess her dog made. She didn't awaken to his voice, so he shook her leg like he did when she was little. That's when he discovered that our girl was with our heavenly Father.
The coroner said it looked as though she just died peacefully in her sleep. There was no indication of foul play or that she had taken her life. The autopsy didn't show much. We're still waiting on the results of her pacemaker.
Why our daughter? We were told that she had a normal life expectancy with her pacemaker. I can't get over what my husband must have felt upon finding her. I have my own "movie" that keeps going around in my mind of what that must have been like for him.
My heart breaks over and over again. We miss her so much and we know that nothing will ever fill that gaping hole. T she left in our hearts. The evenings are the hardest. It used to be the 3 of us in the house eating dinner and watching tv together. Do the tears ever quit????????????????

Comments for It Wasn't Supposed to be This Way

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Oct 02, 2012
If you'd like to correspond
by: Anonymous

I'm the mom who wrote to you shortly after your post. I lost my 30 year old daughter seven months ago. Please don't hesitate to write if you'd like...

Oct 01, 2012
It Wasn't Supposed to be This Way
by: Anonymous

I would very much like to correspond with you. I'm sorry it has been so long to respond, but I'm sure you understand the long days of doing nothing but grieving.

Aug 02, 2012
It wasn't supposed to be this way
by: Doreen U.K.

I am so sorry for your loss of your daughter Katy from her heart condition.
To lose a child is the worst Pain and experience ever. As mothers we are not meant to outlive our children. You may not need a bereavement counsellor if you have a strong supportive family to help you through this. if not get grief counselling. Your grief will be unbearable as a result of losing an Adult Child. Your family will be going through their own grief and may not be able to support you in the way you need as they will be feeling the loss also. In my case losing my husband of 44yrs. to cancer 12 weeks ago I was well supported by my sister's and their husbands. Otherwise I would not have coped so well. Things are still very difficult. Grief is ongoing for a very long time. It will never end. The pain should get less. But different for everyone. Knowing that person we have lost is never coming back is so hard to live with. Knowing they are gone forever is so very painfull to bear. If you believe in God and Katy had a Faith you will see her again. Hold onto this HOPE. Your FAITH will get you through your grief. We are only passing through this world. Our home is ETERNAL. to come. The hardest lesson we have to learn now is PATIENCE.

Aug 01, 2012
I'm so sorry!
by: Anonymous

I won't say something unreasonably positive because I lost my daughter 5 months ago and I understand your pain. My adult daughter was living at home as well before she passed.
I am happy that your baby found a wonderful guy who loved her and made her happy. That was a blessing. She also, no doubt, knows how much you loved and still love her.
There is no sense, or understanding, around why our daughters were taken when their lives were just really beginning.
If I can be of any help to you at all, even just to listen, please respond and I'll send you my email address.
You and your husband & family are in my prayers. Sending love to you and yours.

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