It Will Be Six Years In September

by Amanda

And I still remember it like it was yesterday. My best friend Brittany's life was cut way too short. She battled for her life for a year and ultimately lost. I STILL remember the look on my mom's face when she told me. It was a look that I had never seen before and haven't seen since.

I was getting ready for school and my mom came into my room with this look of sadness/pain/horror on her fact.....it's hard to describe. My mom choked on her words as she said "I saw in the paper......" She couldn't finish her sentence. She didn't need to. At that point, I knew Brittany had lost her battle with a brain tumor. And I was right.

I didn't WANT to be right. I didn't want to face the fact that my best friend, the person who knew me better than anyone else, was gone. That day I went to school almost as if nothing had happened.

The years went by and I was really enjoying school and doing well. I thought I had gotten over Brittany. Last year, however, I was proven wrong.

I have been involved in a young adult group for people with disabilities for two years now. This group is a support group where we talk about what's going on with our lives and help each other. I shared this story with them days before the five-year anniversary of Brittany's death. I thought that would be the end of it.

I was, once again, wrong. That was just the beginning. In November, in light of a friend's miscarriage, I felt extremely intense emotions and couldn't figure out why. I know now that this was the onset of my grief that I didn't feel at the time of Brittany's death.

After this experience things started to change for the better. I began feeling and embracing every emotion I had. I have found ways to release my feelings and keep Brittany's memory alive. I have discovered a love of writing and have used it to help me sort out feelings surrounding Brittany's death.

Today, I am in a much better place emotionally. As the anniversary of Brittany's death approaches, I am trying to think of an appropriate way to celebrate it. I know the angels in Heaven will throw her a big party, and I know that, in spirit, I will be a part of it!!

I miss you Brittany! RIP