IT'S ALMOST 3 YEARS

by IRWIN
(LONG ISLAND , NEW YORK)

Next month it will be 3 years since my wife died. The grief has anly grown inside of me and it is killing me. I been by myself as my children live far away. My depression has grown to be the worse in my lifetime. I try to keep myself busy with my veterans groups, writing new poems. I come home to my empty house and just cry. I flew to visit my children but my depression and severe grief followed me and stayed with me preventing any feelings of happiness from appearing. Right now my depression and grief is truly the worse that I ever had and I do not know what to do. It was truly easier in combat. Have a nice Sunday. Irwin

Comments for IT'S ALMOST 3 YEARS

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 13, 2012
ITS 3 YEARS
by: IRWIN DRESNER

DOES IT GROW WORSE. FOR ME IT HAS GROWN MUCH WORSE. EVEN WITH MY GOING FOR GRIEF HELP AT THE V.A., PRIVATE SESSIONS, GROUP SESSIONS IT HAS ONLY GROWN MUCH WORSE OVER THE 3 YEARS. I LIVE ALONE AND MY SON CAME TO TAKE ME BACK TO HIS HOME WHICH WAS ABOUT 400 MILES AWAY. I STAYED THERE FOR ABOUT 3 WEEKS BUT MY DEPRESSION AND GRIEF HAD GROWN MUCH WORSE. I TRULY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. LIVING BY MYSELF FOR OVER 3 YEARS HAS TRULY HARMED ME IN MANY WAYS. ALL MY LIFE I HAVE HELPED PEOPLE BUT CANNOT HELP MYSELF. IN AN HOUR I WILL DRIVE A VETERAN WHO HAS CANCER TO A PLACE. HAVE A GREAT DAY. IRWIN

Nov 09, 2012
ITS 3 YEARS
by: IRWIN DRESNER

I BEEN IN THE WORSE GRIEF AND DEPRESSION OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. I BEEN BY MYSELF FOR 3 YEARS AND MY SON CAME UP FROM BOSTON TO TAKE ME TO HIS HOUSE FIGURING IT MIGHT HELP. MY ELECTRIC AND HEATING HAD BEEN OUT FOR 5 DAYS BECAUSE OF THE SNOW AND I FIGURED IT MIGHT HELP ME AS I CAN NO LONGER COPE WITH THESE FEELINGS. I BEEN HERE FOR ALMOST A WEEK AND MY GRIEF AND DEPRESSION IS MUCH WORSE AND IT IS THE WORSE THAT I HAD EVER SUFFERED IN MY LIFE. I TRULY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. RIGHT NOW I AM IN THE HOUSE BY MYSELF IN THE WORSE FRAME OF MIND THAT I HAD EVER BEEN IN. I HAVE GONE FOR GRIEF HELP INCLUDING THE V.A. BUT NOTHING HAD HELPED EVEN IN A SMALL WAY. I TRULY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND. IRWIN

Nov 07, 2012
ITS 3 YEARS
by: IRWIN DRESNER

HI EVERYONE. MY SON CAME TO MY HOUSE ON LONG ISLAND AND TOOK ME BACK TO HIS HOUSE. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT MY DEEP GRIEF AND DEPRESSION CAME ALONG AND I FEEL TERRIBLE. I TRULY WANT TO FEEL BETTER AND NOT THIS WAY EVERY SECOND. I WENT TO THE VA FOR GRIEF HELP AND AFTER THIS APPOINTMENT THEY GAVE ME A SECOND APPOINTMENT WHICH WAS ON ELECTION DAY BUT I HAD TO CALL AND CANCEL BECAUSE I WAS UP AT MY SON'S HOUSE. I TRULY NEVER FELT THIS BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I WISH EVERYONE A GOOD WEEK. IRWIN

Nov 03, 2012
it's almost 3 yrs
by: silver

Hi Irwin & others.I know how you feel.I had my first psychiatrist visit this past week. He put me on an antidepressant.There are still some days I just have to push myself to get out of bed and stay up.I wish I could go places,but where would I go.I don't go to bars.I go to church but that's just one morning a week. I have talked to a couple of people at church about starting a group for seniors after the first of the year.Since I live in the county,it is about 15 miles to the Senior Center. I go about once a month to bingo,but it's just to get out.Most of the people are not there to socialize.A few of my mom's friends are there,so at least I know someone.I live on Social Security so I can't afford to go many places in the month. My kids are grown and it seems as though they are going on without me. I thought the holidays would be different. I grew up in a close knit family that always got together for holidays.Now my sisters and brother live too far away.My oldest is having Thanksgiving at his house.They always invite several of their friends:"extended family".I have no problem with that.It's very nice of them to do that.I just have a problem in a house full of people I barely know and their kids,grandkids,etc.My second child lives several states away and was going to come but several problems arose(mostly medical)and he can't get the time off. My third one said he will have it at his house(he is usually away from home for his job).His wife said I could go there.I don't know about my youngest. He will prob go with me to the third one's house.When my oldest's wife finds out I went there she will be mad and probably say so very strongly,causing me more problems.The same is true if I went to the oldest's house and with the third child.I feel like I'm in a taffy puller with a rabid dog waiting to pull me apart if I fall.What happened to the "family" of our generation.Sometimes I feel like telling them to all go to...somewhere,but then I would really be alone. I'm sorry I rattled on so much.Today is a down day.I so wish my husband was here.He would tell them they could come here or not,their choice,but at least I would have him.I can tell the holidays will be hard this year.Last year everyone came here.I think they just humored me because it had only been 7months since their dad died.(My mom died 7 months after my dad the year before).I'm not looking forward to Christmas.Hopefully,they will spend some time with me.My son on the east coast said he will come for Christmas.We'll see.Hope so.I continue to pray for strength to continue on.I also pray for strength for you Irwin and others like us.Sending love to you all.

Oct 24, 2012
ITS 3 YEARS
by: IRWIN DRESNER

HI EVERYONE, FOR SOME REASON MY GRIEF AND DEPRESSION THIS WEEK HAS BEEN THE VERY WORSE THAT I HAD EVER SUFFERED.I BEEN GOING FOR MEDITATION SESSIONS AND HOPE IT HELPS. TOMORROW I GO TO THE V.A. FOR GRIEF HELP. ITS SO STRONG AND CONTINUOUS THAT IT TRULY IS HARD TO TAKE. MY CHILDREN HARDLY CALL BUT I KNOW THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE. I TRY TO KEEP BUSY AND COOK GREAT MEALS FIGURING THAT MIGHT HELP. I HIRED SOMEONE TO CLEAN MY HOUSE AS IT WAS GETTING OUT OF HAND AND HARD TRYING TO DO IT MYSELF AS I HAD OVER THE LAST 3 YEARS. I HAVE INVENTED A LOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE AND WISH THAT I COULD INVENT A TIME MACHINE AND SEE MY WIFE AGAIN. MY NIGHTS ARE TRULY BAD. SORRY FOR TELLING ALL MY PROBLEMS WHEN I KNOW THAT A NUMBER OF PEOPLE ON THIS WEBSITE ARE ALSO SUFFERING. HAVE A GOOD WEEK. IRWIN

Oct 19, 2012
IT'S 3 YEARS
by: IRWIN DRESNER

TODAY I WAS TRULY IN THE WORSE GRIEF AND DEPRESSION OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. I WENT TO THE LOCAL MALL TO WRITE DOWN MY FEELINGS BUT I BECAME MORE DEPRESSED AS I WATCHED PEOPLE WITH THEIR MATES ENJOYING THEMSELF. I HAVE NO HEARD FROM MY CHILDREN FOR SEVERAL DAYS EVEN THOUGH I LEFT
MESSAGES. WHILE THERE I WAS READING A BOOK THE TITLE WAS
GETTING BACK TO LIFE WHEN GRIEF WON'T HEAL

ITS 3 YEARS AND I FEEL LIKE I AM NOT HERE ANYMORE. I SPENT TIME IN COMBAT IN KOREA. I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT NEXT WEEK FOR MY GRIEF AT THE V.A. I DO NOT WANT TO GIVE UP BUT ITS GROWING VERY HARD FOR ME IN EVERYWAY. I AM NOT YOUNG ANYMORE AND FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS I HAVE LIVED BY MYSELF, SHOPPING, CLEANING, COOKING, PAYING BILLS, DOING MY TAXES, REPAIRS ON MY HOUSE, WRITING MY BOOK, WRITING A NUMBER OF POEMS, WORKING ON COMPUTERS FOR MY VETERANS GROUPS, ALL THIS WITHOUT MUCH HUMAN CONTACT AND BEING ALONE ALL DAY WHILE IN THE WORSE DEPRESSION AND GRIEF OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. THE LETTER THAT I RECEIVE A FEW DAYS AGO THAT SOME OF MY POEMS WERE PICKED AS WINNERS DID NOTHING TO HELP ME OR MAKE ME HAPPY. YOU CAN SEE SOME OF MY POEMS IF YOU GOOGLE --IRWIN DRESNER-POET.
HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND. IRWIN

Oct 17, 2012
IT'S 3 YEARS
by: IRWIN DRESNER

HI, It has not grown any easier. My life is flying away. I am not getting any younger and the severe grief has not let up even though its over 3 years. I still hardly hear from my children who live in other states. I have an appointment in 2 weeks for a grief appointment at the VA. I hope that this gets me some relief as its becoming too hard to handle by myself. Yesterday I took a veteran friend who has cancer and his daughter out to diner. I always feel good helping people but i cannot help myself or find anyone hearing my pain help me. Combat was easier. Since my wife died my once friendly neibors do not look at me or say hello. I cook by myself, wash by myself, shop by myself, go to the doctor by myself but being by yourself is the worse feeling that I ever had.its 10:30AM ands I have not done anything but eat breakfast. I do not expect my children to call me and I will be truly by myself and my grief all day. I might get out to go race walking if I can get myself out. I might write a few more poems. I wish everyone a great day. Irwin

Oct 12, 2012
TO SILVER
by: IRWIN DRESNER

THANK YOU SO MUCH SILVER FOR THE VERY NICE POST AND THE NICE COMMENTS. YOU SOUND VERY NICE AND I CERTAINLY CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL. I CERTAINLY WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND. LAST NIGHT I FINALLY GOT OUT OF THE HOUSE AND WENT OUT WITH SOMEONE THAT I HAD WORKED WITH A NUMBER OF YEARS AGO. BILL, HIS WIFE AND I WENT OUT TO EAT IN A VERY NICE PLACE. LATER WHEN WE WENT BACK TO MY HOUSE WE WATCHED THE DEBATE. TODAY I AM A LITTLE DOWN BUT WILL DO MY BILLS AND DO SOME RACEWALKING AND THEN GO TO THE FOODCOURT OF THE LOCAL MALL AND WRITE MORE POEMS AND CONTINUE WRITING MORE OF MY BOOK. MY E-MAIL
IRWINHAM@VERIZON.NET
I CONTINUE TO COOK FULL MEALS. I HAVE A VETERAN MEETING NEXT WEEK. THANKS AND HAVE A GREAT DAY. IRWIN

Oct 11, 2012
it's almost 3 years
by: silver

dearest Irwin: I too have had a down hill swing this past couple of weeks. Don't know if it's the cold depressing weather, the seasonal change, the scary anticipation of my first therapy session or another bump in the road to "recovery".Doreen is right: we all care about you. Please feel free to vent anytime you want.We've been there.Sometimes it's hard to even get out of bed.Some days I just want to lie there.You,on the other hand are about to become a star.You have tried to get moving.You are an inspiration to us. Because of what you have accomplished,even in heavy grief,I have begun to put my poetry together to see if it can be published. It's slow going but I sometimes go to it.Also because of your strength I am looking into the Senior Center to see if they have an exercise class.PLEASE don't let your self give up.You are too valuable to me and to others like me. I totally understand the dating sites. I told my son that I had thought about that and he said(he's a computer whiz-in fact his job depends on it)"You've got to be kidding.Those things are nothing but scams and could be dangerous." I agree but you do things like that because you are so lonely.I wondered how my mother could die 7 months after my dad.Why didn't she just get up & go out with her many friends.Then it happened to me. I also understand about your family.My siblings in Tx almost never call me.One of my children lives close to me and he never calls.He will help or talk if I go to him but otherwise...One of my kids lives here w/me but he's so much like his father and grandfather.He seems(to me anyway)to not want to handle stress so he hides away in his room. I think he doesn't know how to handle a crying woman.I also think he is going through his form of grief at losing his father.He was really close to him.My other son's job takes him away for 2-4 wks at a time.He doesn't often call me when he's away.His wife goes to college and his son works.I have a friend,but she works and often doesn't call me back.So you see,I feel so alone sometimes also. I wished you lived closer(I live in North Alabama) so we could meet and spend some crying time together.Also I could get some pointers on my poetry. PLEASE take care of your self and remember there are those of us who really care about you. GOD bless you and give you strength.I am sending you love of a friend





















































































7

Oct 11, 2012
ITS ALMOST 3 YEARS
by: IRWIN DRESNER

IT IS NOW OVER 3 YEARS THAT I HAVE LIVED BY MYSELF. THIS HAS DONE GREAT HARM TO ME. I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A PET OF SOME KIND.I TRULY FEEL THAT I HAVE GONE DOWNHILL IN MANY WAYS. IT APPEARS THAT MY CHILDREN ARE NOT CONCERNED ABOUT ME. I HAVE NOT BOTHERED THEM WITH MY DEEP DEPRESSION AND GRIEF. I JUST GOT OUT OF THE BASEMENT WHERE I DID MY WASH. MY POEM CREATIVITY SEEMS TO BE DYING. MY COOKING OF FULL MEALS IS GETTING LESS INTERESTING,MY HOUSE CLEANING IS FALLING BEHIND, I AM GETTING LAZY ABOUT MY DAILY EXERCISE, I CANNOT WAIT TO GET TO BED AT NIGHT AND WAKEUP IN GRIEF AT LEAST 4 TIMES DURING THE NIGHT, MY FACEBOOK POSTS ARE ALL NEGATIVE, MY DESIRE TO HAVE SOMEONE IS TOTALLY GONE, ANY JOY IN MY LIFE IS TOTALLY GONE, ITS AFTER 11 AND I AM STILL HOME WHERE I USED TO GO OUT AND RACE WALK, I TRULY DO NOT WANT TO COMPLAIN ON LINE BUT MY HOLDING IT IN IS TRULY DOING ME IN. HAVE A GOOD THURSDAY. IRWIN

Oct 09, 2012
NOT GETTING BETTER
by: IRWIN DRESNER

IT cannot grow any worse than it is for me right now. The last 3 days it was truly the worse. Tonight I am suppost to attend a Meditation class but I do not believe that I can get out to go. I am too deep into the worse depression of my entire life. My children have not called me in days even though they know how I feel when they call me 4 days ago. I have in mind of getting off this web site because I am sure that people are tired of reading about how I feel. I died when my wife died. Its 2:30 and I been home for over a day. The feeling of grief is bad but the merger of my grief with very deep depression is terrible. I am going back to lying down. Have a good day. Irwin

Oct 08, 2012
ITS 3 YEARS
by: IRWIN DRESNER

Hi everyone. I hope that you all had a nice weekend. On Sunday I was feeling to low to get in my car and go anyplace. I truly had no place to go except to the food court of the local mall to write more poems. I should have been happy because another one of my poems won a contest. It did not make me feel better. On Tuesday I go for my 3rd class on Meditation. I am will to try anything that might help.I keep busy all day but sitting in grief and depression is not easy. I am so lonely with no one living close. I been totally by myself for 3 years and I know this had done harm to me. I belong to 3 veterans groups and try to help them as muych as I can. I got a # of vets out of smoking by hypnosis. I do a lot of the computer work. Any one wanting to look at my newspaper articles can go to my facebook page and look at all my photo's.In the last 2 days I have not done miles of racewalking like I normaly do each day. I just filled out my bills and will go and mail them. No call from my grown children. In my mind I truly believe that they are waiting for any money I have and my house. I was truly never that way to my mom or dad when they grew older. I truly feel like I am living my life in hell. I feel like I just got up asnd its 12 noon already. I been working on the second half of the book that I had copyrighted in 1997. It was the story of my life up to that time. Sorry this was so long. I just want to say that I had a great life with my wife and that is why I am in severe grief even 3 years later. I will end now. A good week to all. IRWIN

Oct 06, 2012
ITS ALMOST 3 YEARS--CHANGED TO ITS 3 YEARS
by: IRWIN DRESNER

Hi, this Friday it was 3 years since my wife passed away. It was 3 years that I been by myself. All I did in this 3 years was cook each day for myself, write poems, help my veterans groups, suffer in deep grief even though I went for grief help, almost zero human contact, making phone calls to my children they live in other states but hardly call back, neibors no longer say hello, sit by myself in my home, when for grief help but nothing has helped, Tryed online senior dating services and paid but they were all scam as they sent me contacts hundreds or thousands of miles away, Over this time I became a published poet, someone in hollywood is looking at my book, I racewalk everyday, eat very healthy, went to grief help classes, but nothing helped. One of my daughters who live in Florida recently flew to Boston to stay at her brothers house. She stayed for a month. One phone call to me. She could have come to my house on long island and stayed with me for a short while but she did not. She just went back to florida. I am the type of person that would help anyone but truly feel that since my wife left that I am in a world all by myself. I had also placed a post about the fly that appeared in my house 1 year after my wife passed away and sat on the couch where my wife used to sit, when I went to bed it would be on my headboard, when I went to eat it would be on the kitchen table. It stayed 3 days and then was gone. A year letter it appeared but stayed only 1 day. On friday it was 3 years but no fly appeared, this made me depressed. Believe me it was easier in combat. Have a great week. Irwin

Sep 29, 2012
It's almost 3 years
by: Doreen U.K.

Irwin Thank God that you are going to the doctor this week and getting help with your depression. You have made me HAPPY hearing this. I will always be concerned about everyone on this site. I can feel your Pain as if it was my own. I can feel your anguish and lonliness and I know this is worse when someone is facing depression. I also know what life is like when you come out of depression, and I know you could have a better quality of life.
I also hear your cries of DESPERATION. I just could not ignore your cry for help. I wished I did live near you and offer you ongoing support and friendship. Irwin our children will all go on to live their own lives. When we suffer loss we want to cling onto our children more and it is this need to cling that will do the opposite and they will move away more from us. It is not that your children don't care. they can't enter our worlds and really feel what we are feeling. Your children have lost a mother and they won't have the same Grief as yours. It is the same pain, but yet different. Please don't give up. and keep up your doctors appointments. If you are not able to contact anyone put out an S.O.S. here and someone on this website who lives in America can ring up for you. Often it is this level of support that one needs. PRACTICAL SUPPORT. Especially when you are so low. My nephew was where you are in his level of pain and he couldn't go on anymore and he threw himself in front of an express train to end his pain. I am trained (by experience) to spot when someone is at crisis level. I used the services of counselling when I was in severe depression. When I recovered I gave back 8 years in voluntary work to Mental Health . You have my email adress. Use it when you need to. I want to see you well and back on the road to recovery. I know you can have a better quality of life and I won't give up on you. Keep writing and keep me updated. I CARE!!

Sep 28, 2012
IT'S ALMOST 3 YEARS.
by: IRWIN DRESNER

I TRULY WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR THE NICE POSTS
FROM ALL YOU NICE PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE WORLD THAT WRITTEN IN REGARD TO MY POSTS ABOUT MY LOSING MY WIFE. I GUESS IF I WAS NOT SUFFERING FROM MY DEPRESSION IT WOULD HAVE NOT BEEN AS BAD FOR ME. LIKE MY GREAT WIFE, I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TOTAL PEACE ON OUR PLANET. EVERYONE IS THE SAME AND SOME HOW WE ARE ALL RELATED. WHY DO PEOPLE WANT TO KILL THEIR EXTENDED FAMILY. I HAD WRITTEN A POEM WHICH EVERYONE THAT SEEN IT SAID IT WAS A WINNER. I PRAY EACH AND EVERY DAY FOR TOTAL PEACE ON OUR PLANET. I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE WORLD AT TOTAL PEACE AND PEOPLE OF ALL RACES, RELIGIONS LIVING TOGETHER AND HELPING ONE ANOTHER. LIFE IS SHORT AND THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR HATE AND KILLINGS IN THIS WORLD. LET ALL THE WORLD SCIENTIST GET TOGETHER AND LICK OUT ALL ILNESSES ALL TOGETHER. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND LOVE IRWIN

Sep 28, 2012
IT'S ALMOST 3 YEARS--I WANT TO THANK DOREEN
by: IRWIN DRESNER

I WANT TO THANK DOREEN U.K. FOR HER CONCERN ABOUT ME. I AM GOING TO A DOCTOR THIS COMING WEEK ABOUT MY GRIEF AND DEPRESSION. I WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED. WISH YOU LIVED CLOSER. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND. IRWIN

Sep 27, 2012
For Irwin.
by: Marilyn

Dear Irwin,

This is the 2nd anniversary of the death of my husband of 32 years. I can see that people have given you all sorts of advice on how to 'distract' yourself from your feelings and 'get on with your life.' Some even say they are also in the same boat as you, having lost a spouse too. But I say they must not have loved their partners as truly and as deeply as you or they could not forget them so soon. When your love is especially profound, when your partner was truly your other half, when they go away forever, you will never be the same, you will never be a complete human being again, you are a forever changed person. Since only you and your wife knew how close you were and how much you loved each other, you can't expect anyone else to understand that, because it was only meant for you two to know. Just wrap your arms around the memory of her being and she will always be alive inside you. No one can take that away from you.

Sep 26, 2012
It's almost 3 years
by: Doreen U.K.

Irwin I wrote to you more than 3 times and every time I say the same thing. Get Social Services and your Doctor involved in how you are feeling. Tell them if you don't get help soon you will find yourself not being able to hang onto life and you may end your life which will end your misery. I am in England and cannot go with you otherwise I would give you this type of support. You have reached CRISIS LEVEL. You will die unless you get out of your house. I know how you feel. You have reached out to your children and they are too absorbed in their own lives to hear you pleading with them for HELP.
If you are not able to do this for yourself give me all the details and I will email your Social Services for you or your doctor. You desperately need help. You can also give me the email of your children and I will reach them for you. I know this is an intrusion, but it is URGENT otherwise you will die. I can't sit by and see this happen.

Everyone on this site. NOW IS THE TIME TO REACH OUT TO IRWIN. If we don't do something for him I fear he will take his own life. He has reached DESPERATION POINT. Perhaps someone in America could email the Social Services or Irwins doctor and get him the help he needs till he is able to help himself. I am in England and don't have the relevant telephone numbers or the information. Perhaps someone in America could get this information from Irwin.
Irwin if you give me your telephone number and full area codes, and the outside America code I will try and ring you sometimes to support you in crisis. You can email me this doreenelkington@aol.com. You need practical support now. HOLD ONTO LIFE. I hate life also. But I have to go on whether I want to or not.

Sep 26, 2012
ITS ALMOST 3 YEARS
by: IRWIN DRESNER

TODAY IS THE WORSE DAY OF MY LIFE. I HAVE WRITEN HERE SEVERAL TIMES ABOUT THE LONELINESS AND GRIEF SINCE LOOSING MY WIFE ALMOST 3 YEARS AGO. TODAY IS THE WORSE I HAVE EVER SUFFERED AND FEEL THAT I MAY NOT EVEN GET THRU THIS DAY. I HAD NEVER FELT LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE. I AM ALL ALONE AND MY CHILDREN DO NOT SEEM TO CARE. I BEEN IN COMBAT BUT NEVER FELT THIS BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I TRULY DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. I BECAME A POET WHEN MY WIFE DIED. I HAVE ABOUT 10 IN THE COPY RIGHT OFFICE BUT MY CREATIVITY SEEMED TO HAVE DIED IN THE LAST FEW DAYS. I AM HOME ALL BY MYSELF IN THE WORSE STAGE OF GRIEF AND DEPRESSION THAT I HAD EVER SUFFERED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I LEFT A MESSAGE WITH MY KIDS IN OTHER STATES BUT NO CALL BACK. I BEEN HOME ALL DAY AND WANTED TO GET OUT TO GO RACE WALKING TO SEE IF THIS HELPS ME BUT SOMETHING STOPS ME. I WILL TRY AGAIN BECAUSE IF I DON'T I AM AFRAID THAT I CANNOT HANG ON. IRWIN

Sep 19, 2012
it's almost 3 yrs
by: silver

Although it's only been half that for me I understand how you feel.My sister and 2 brothers live in Tx.I am sponsor for my older brother(who lives in a home in Tn.).One of my children lives in Maryland. One is an over the road driver and is gone most of the time.The third only lives about 16 miles away but he works full time and has a family and home to take care of. I do see him once a wk when he mows my yard. My youngest lives here with me but he is a quiet person who pretty much stays to himself.(good and bad)My best friend died a yr before my husband,my mother a month after her and my dad 7 months before that.I lost my entire support structure in 18 months.The only thing keeping me going is my belief in GOD and that I don't want my kids to have to bury me so soon after their father. I start grief counseling on Oct 11 as I LITERALLY ended up in the emergency room with acute bronchitis from crying so much(my lungs were raw and inflamed).PLEASE find someone you can talk to at ANYTIME and check into a grief counseling group.I am going to the county Mental Health Center as I am retired and live on widow's pension.Please take care of yourself and remember lots of us send you love and respect for your pain.Also remember grief is different for all of us.GOD bless you and give you strength

Sep 17, 2012
It's Almost 3 years.
by: Doreen U.K.

Irwin I am sorry that you are facing so much difficulty still in the loss of your wife. I know we have said often that everyone grieves differently and the length of time for each of us is different. I also advised you to go and get some counselling in order to help you through your grief. You may just be stuck in grief and can't move forward so now you are in a state of depression and can't move on. Since you have said this is the worst it has ever been. You need to now see COUNSELLING AS URGENT. Go see your doctor first and let him get you in to see a counsellor. It really is the most sensible thing to do for yourself. You will find that in time with COUNSELLING your world starts to improve and you will find life better and you may be able to put into action all the suggestions of Judith who replied to you. Judith has given such good suggestions. You may not be able to take this on board now till you see a COUNSELLOR. But when you do follow through with what I and Judith have suggested you will come through this, otherwise if you do nothing, I fear for your survival. You are going downhill fast and this is not good. I have done the counselling part. It is painfull to start with but things do get better. I was ready to die if I didn't get counselling urgently. I am a different person today. I too have lost my partner. Husband of 44yrs. 4 months ago. I feel miserable a lot of the time. But I do try and do things to make life better. There is nothing we can do to bring our loved ones back. Turn to God for your COMFORT. On American TV they have so many great Religious programme's. Tune into these to help lift you out of this dark depression. God is light. Let this light shine through your depression which represents the darkness you are in. I have suffered depression badly for over 40yrs. I did something about this. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I GOT MY LIFE BACK. I have also worked 8yrs. in mental health doing voluntary work supporting others in pain. I hope when you write again that I will find out that you have managed to move forward from where you are right now. I have children close to me but I cannot depend on them for my happiness. I have to make my own. It is not easy. I am finding this difficult also. I am not able to help myself much at the moment as I feel worn out with grief. But the first thing I will do for myself is to get back out and Go to Church every week. I know this will start to make my life better. I miss this fellowship, and involvement in life. Best wishes Irwin.

Sep 16, 2012
write about it
by: Julie

Irwin,

I am not as far along as you are in grief (my Charlie has been gone for five months). We were married for 45 years. We could not have children. I hav never felt so alone.
The only thing that seems to help me even a little is to come to sites like this and write about him and our love. I do that almost constantly.

I am so sorry for your loss and your pain.

Julie

Sep 16, 2012
2 years For Me
by: Judith in California

Irwin, I fell badly tht you arent accepting your new nroma . WE as widows and widowers have an obligation to our loves to continue to live and have some happiness. They would want that for us. They always wanted us to be fulfilled. It's been 2 years for me. It's not easy but I yell at my self and make myself do. ZWill yourself to be fulfilled now. I hope you go to some clubs that include women. You may meet another nice lady and stirke up a lasting relationship. Go to the local mall and sit in the food court, find a nightspot for over 40 crowd and watch the entertainment and if you can, dance. Go to a loccal eatery and sit at the bar and have your favorite drink and strike up conversation with someone. Read some books. Go to a movie. It's what I do and I feel better for a while. It just feels good to get out among the living and look and see and feel. It may work for you. Give it a chance. We must take care of ourselves. We really have no choice.

God give you the strength to move forward. IF you survived a war then you're strong enough to beat this as best you can.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!