It's Becoming Less Hard

by Judith
(Winnetka, Ca)

Hi all, it's been exactly 3 months today since my love died. The moments I thought were impossible to have, have come. I think it's because I allow myself to grieve as much as I need to, not caring if anyone sees me or about their looks .

I went to a movie with a girlfriend and it was nice to get out as I was always very social before. I arrived home by 9:30 p.m. and was normally 30 minutes past my bedtime with my love.

Thanksgiving came and I decorated as I normally would have for him and got through it.

I also began a journal and write in it everyday, I write to him most times but some days I write of my day and what I do and how I feel.

This past week end I went to a holiday party my girlfriends home and saw a few people I used to work with and met new folks. A song played that was popular when Chuck and I met and I cried quietly but I went on and no one seemed put out, they actually understood. I danced and enjoyed the evening except for when a lady came up to me and said "oh, you'll get over it". I arrived home by 11:45 and sat and wrote in my journal before going to bed.

The Christmas tree sat in a box for 3 days and yesterday I said either put it back in the garage or put it up. Chuck would want me to decorate for him so I began and got it done. Yes, it's tough not seeing his delight as it was finished but it's done in case he wants to drop by.

I keep praying to dream of him but it hasn't happened yet.

My life has to go on so I have to make the best of it. I'm hopeful for the future But get over it...Never!

Comments for It's Becoming Less Hard

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Apr 13, 2011
becoming less hard
by: Mari

How are you doing at this point in time Judith? I see these posts are not recent. I think a diary is a wonderful idea and you seem to have made progress. If someone tells you to ''get over it'' that means they have not gone through it. Getting out and doing things really helps.
It will be a yr and a half in May since I my husband passed away.

What has helped me besides the Lord of course is getting a part time job which I love and is a 5-6 minute drive from home. I work here too at the complex and sometimes I get tired because I get church in too. Life has become more fulfilling.
Sometimes I hear a song that reminds me of my husband and will say,''Sweetheart, are you really gone?'' At times it seems he is still with me. But time is passing and I have to go on.
I find myself having more happier moments as I hold the new great grandaughter. My husband would have adored the new baby. He sure held a lot of them, many of them grown now.
Keep up the good work. We are here for you.Give an update, God bless you.

Dec 22, 2010
you're moving forward
by: Anonymous

This is good that you decorated for Thanksgiving, and for Christmas. We have to do it our way.
And there will be days that you feel you're back at square one. But, just keep going, one step at a time. You have a lot of courage. I
hope your continue on your journey with the
strength you have. You have made me feel better
thank you for letting us know it can be done.
Bless your heart.

Dec 16, 2010
proud of your progress


You are taking positive steps into the grief process. Only you know what you need at any given time. Journaling is a huge help. Do you paint or draw? I wish I could paint my feelings but the stick figures are not cooperating.

There will be days when a memory overcomes you and pushes you back. Don't worry there are many ups and downs on this long ride of grief. My very best to you keep writing and reading.

Dec 16, 2010
A journal
by: Jen

Hi Judith,

I also have written a journal since Richard died nearly two years ago and found it a fabulous way of putting down how i was feeling. My journal was a dear Richard one were i poured onto paper to him how i was doing.

I don't write so often now and see that as a positive thing. I feel i have come a long way and i am dealing with daily life much better now albeit without my one true love.

Keep going as you are. You are doing really well.
I wish you well as you face Christmas.

Keep in touch.


A journal is also great in that you can look back at the previous days and months and now years for me and see how far you have come.

Dec 14, 2010
its becoming less hard
by: jules

Judith - you are doing well, dealing with this complete change in your life - keep doing what you think is right, don't worry what other people think, keep writing your journal, go out with your friends, live your life as your love would want.

And I agree - get over it - never

Take care

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