It's been 2 weeks

by Debbie

Wednesday will be 2 weeks since I lost the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. We had been living with each other for 9 years (which shouldn't have been the rest of his life). We had been arguing on and off that evening. I was about 20 feet from him and he was making a sandwich and he called out my name and fell. By time I got to him, he was gone. I tried CPR but to no avail.

I buried him last Friday, he was only 46. His family would not recognize me as family as we were not legally married, and wouldn't let me be involved with the funeral. They considered me his good friend at the funeral so I have had to grieve alone. Going through his possessions last night, I found out that while he was unemployed for the last year and a half and I was working two jobs to make ends meet, he was involved with someone else. I am in such unbelievable grief as I still love him and can't understand why he would do this to me and how to deal with not being able to get resolution from what I have found out. All I do is find my self crying or staring at a wall wondering if I'll ever be same.