It's been 9yrs since my son died at age 20, on Feb21, The worst thing in the world

by Tani
(Phx,AZ)


My son died and I hurt as much now as I did 8yrs ago, I still cry all the time, It's odd how people don't want to mention death to you, and you don't want to bring it up, I feel I would just be bring them down if I start talking about it all the time, I don't have much family so I didn't have much support. This pain is killing me inside, what hurts the most is I couldn't reach my son for about 6 months and my ex never answered my messages I left on his door, my son had died in a car accident and flipped his truck the seat belt crushed his rib and went into his heart no alcohol just a freak accident, a part of me died, a big part, I wish I could hold him and tell him I love him so much, I wish it was me, the part that I didn't understand was how my ex has gotten over it and gone on, since he waited so long to tell me I didn't understand till yesterday 8yrs later that he collected a big amout of money I never asked about money because my ex at the time said he had liability only no money was recieved, I didn't ask he just said that to me, I am a bit upset with my ex because he lied and I gave him all with our divorce, I'm the one with medical problems seizures, and heart broken over my son and here is this man that is just going on happy, I use to tell myself for the first couple of yrs that it was a bad joke he wasn't really dead, How do you go on and try to live a normal life with this pain, then on top feeling like a fool to believe your ex and he's living it up, I feel odd to and kind of not right getting money for my loss but I really need it and don't know what to do, It has been so hard loosing my son my only child, it just tore my heart apart, I try to put on a happy face but I'm just here inside I'm just here and act like I'm oakay

Comments for It's been 9yrs since my son died at age 20, on Feb21, The worst thing in the world

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Nov 29, 2013
Kate and Doreen How Kind of you
by: Anonymous

I would like to thank you for taking time to tell your story of your loved ones and to try and help with mine, I don't know how to even begin on the way your words just gave me that good feeling to know someone cared to take the time to comfort me again thank you so much, and I'm so sorry for your loss, I pray for you and hope you know you have helped more so for your time.

Jun 19, 2013
thank you all
by: tani

This has been a great site to talk about and feel what others have gone through, I still have nightmare wake up crying or screaming,In my dreams I'm trying to same my son and in one way or another can't get to him, I have seizures from a brain tumor and this doesn't help with so many sleepless night, but just talking here to others is very comforting, thank you so very much

Jun 17, 2013
Your son
by: Kate

Any way we grieve is normal. Because death is so hard we don't know how to handle it! I'm still trying to believe its real.
It's does seem unreal much of the time but my mind and heart know different. I'm sorry you have other problems too and an only child,its a heavy load. We got something people fear,death......so they try not to talk about it,sometimes for themselves sometimes not to hurt us deeper because they don't know what to say. No words can help anyway. We have to grieve before light can come. It takes lots of time. One day at a time is all we can do. I beg God for divine help to endure.

Jun 15, 2013
thank you
by: tani

thank you for your words, I know I never grieved right I tried to stay strong and would cry alone, what you wrote was so very nice

Jun 15, 2013
Your son
by: Kate

My heart goes out to your broken heart. I lost my son 7 months ago. It is still not real. When it is real,it is the depth of pain! I understand.
Life is unfair.people are different,react different,probably why your ex is an X. We can't change anything or anyone when death hits so hard. We all react different.
Try to talk to people about your wonderful son and not about his dying. Share the things he did with others. People react to love well,they are afraid of death.
God be with us all.

Jun 15, 2013
It's been 9yrs since my son died at age 20, on Feb 21, The worst thing in the world
by: Doreen U.K.

Tani I am sorry for your loss of your beloved Son to a tragic accident 9yrs. ago. You have been suffering intense grief for too long. Some Healing should have taken place in you. You may benefit from seeing a grief counsellor who will be able to assist you in what is troubling you now and help you get past this pain. We all need to Heal in Time from our grief. You have so many other issues assaulting you which is getting in the way. You also need the support since you say you don't have family and so have no support. A counsellor will give you the time and space to reflect on what this loss of your son has done to you. The skill used will help you to shift in your thinking and begin the healing process.
Of course it doesn't mean you will forget your son and how you lost him. But you will be able to Heal and Honour your son in a different way.
Your EX did not carry your son in his womb. You did. Which is why a mother will feel the pain of the strong bond she has with this son through birth. A father cares but has different emotions and feelings. Somehow I think some men get over things easier than a woman. WE are somehow more emotional by design, in how God made us.
Don't feel guilty about receiving Money you need. Focus on your NEED and nothing else. Don't let anyone judge you otherwise.
My husband died of an Industrial disease that gave him a deadly cancer. Not only did I have to put up with a horrendous cancer journey and watch him die a slow death. WE had solicitors work hard in this area to get compensation. WE did some money.
WE also fought a terrible battle with firms who dragged their feet. Solicitors who said he wouldn't have got another job so he lost out on his early retirement wages. He lost thousands of £'s but I was greatful for what he did get. Sad he didn't get to enjoy this money which came too late. When he spent 47yrs. working 6/7 days a week just to look after his family. I see the money as a Blessing since God gives and owns it all. What I did do was get the best Grave burial chamber so both of us will be buried together. I put the most beautiful verse on his gravestone along with photo and picture of guitar he loved. Had I not had this money I would not have been able to pay for a burial I would have had to sell the house. So God was good to us and I am Blessed. See any money coming your way as a Blessing and don't feel guilty. God has his ways of looking after us and He knows our needs.
I hope you will find strength, support, and Love in Life to help you get past your pain and loss of your beloved son. Please write back and let us know how you are coping.

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