It's So Hard

by Donna

I have been through alot of trials and tribulations in my life but losing Bryan is by far the HARDEST thing that I have ever had to endure. Our oldest grandchild started pre-k today. Bryan should have been here today to enjoy this event with me, but he wasn't, so I took Johnny to his first day of school in grandpa's truck. He was so excited, I know Bryan is so proud of him. Johnny misses his grandpa so much, he is always asking me if grandpa is in heaven. The other day he asked me if grandpa is dead, yes thats right DEAD. I tried to fight back the tears (with no luck) as I told him yes grandpa is dead. He got sick and the doctor couldn't make him better so he is heaven. I don't know how much if any that he truly understands, he is only 4 years old. But he always says "don't cry, everythings ok grandmommy grandpas in heaven". I try so hard to be strong for everyone but it is so hard. I hate this stupid rollercoaster ride. The ups have been a little more frequent and the downs a little less frequent, but it is still so damn hard. Bryan I miss you and I love you always. One breath, one step, one day at a time until we meet again

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Aug 23, 2011
It's so hard
by: jules

Yes, it is hard, very hard. There are days when I don't know how I can go on - it has been 22 months - a song on the radio,that we used to love, the words of a song heard at a concert the other night - trying to get them so I can post them on here - about trying to "find the time to get over you" - the guy who sang it said he would make the audience cry, and he sure made me cry.

One of my blessings is having my daughter and my grandsons nearby, and the very good friends I have made here. I say thanks for them every day.

In the meantime - every day, one step, one breath -
take care

Aug 23, 2011
Yes it is...


It's odd almost startling when the meltdowns come. We think that we have come far and we have.
I expect a pang of remembering when memories assail my mind. I thought I was past the full blown wailing meltdowns. The grief that takes over your body and soul.

There are times when grief catches me by surprise. It is not the fleeting memories that I can grab a hold of and allow to pass thankfully with a smile more often than a grimice of pain.

The other day I watched "What Dreams May Come" with Robin Williams. It is a great movie about the afterlife. But at some point of the movie something caught my heart and I couldn't stop sobbing. It was more of a wailing from my heart.

So I know that it is hard. Even though I am finding my way out of grief, there are moments when you are brought back to the hellish heartache of missing, wanting what you can't ever have again.

Come here express your heartfelt feelings and we will never hold it against you. We are in this together as we have been from the beginning...

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