It's still tough after 2 years

by Dave
(Canberra, ACT, Australia)

my Dad, who was an amazing man, died suddenly a bit over 2 years ago. To this day, we do not know how he died. The doctors concluded that it was heart failure, but they are baffled as to why that heart failure actually occurred. So basically there was no closure. We never had a chance to say goodbye, and actually never had a chance to say a lot of things. He was 60 years old, so it was a complete shock when he died. It has completely turned my family's world upside down, and I am so confused about everything these days.

Even though it's more than 2 years since he passed on, it's like I've been hit over the head with a blunt, heavy object, and even though I've got back up on my feet, I don't really know where I am anymore, who I am, what I want to do with myself, or how to do anything.

To add to this (or perhaps what intensified the grief) was the fact that pretty much all my friends have abandoned me. I think they didn't really know how to deal with someone going through grief, perhaps they didn't know what to say or do. But for whatever reason, they all stopped contacting me and I only have one friend left, but he's moving to a different state next month. He will be 1000kms away (which is more than 600 miles) and obviously I won't get to see him very often.

So, there is grief and loss for me in more ways than one. I may have been able to deal with breakdowns in friendship if I was not grieving Dad's loss as well, but they have both happened at the same time. I'm not sure exactly how it has all turned out the way it has, but it's really painful. I am a Christian, and I do believe in heaven, eternal life and so on, but that doesn't always help and I feel stuck in grief.

I just hope that over time, God would heal me and my family, and help us all to move on a bit. I also hope that God would provide new friendships to replace the old. Most of all, I hope that others would not have to go through the feelings of abandonment that I've had and that their friends would stick by them. Because, like my Dad was to me, true friends are supposed to be there for each other, not only in good times, but in the bad times as well.