Its Time To Leave!

by Jack
(Sweden)

Its July 4th, My lovely mother passed away 3 years ago today. It seems like forever and also like yesterday. I'm sad from her death. She was really something else and she lived a long life with 3 children who truly loved her. It is also almost 4 months since I've lost Håkan. I have been crying alot the last few days. The house was sold on Friday. Thursday night I just walked around the empty rooms and pictured our life together over the past 20 years. I saw him laying on the couch and sitting by the PC. In the kitchen and out in the yard.

I'm winding everything up here in Sweden and going home to NYC next Thursday after all these years. I'm scared and sad and excited. It has been hurdle after hurdle ever since Håkan got sick 2 years ago. I miss him with all my heart and find all this just so hard. I'm very lonely here in Sweden. My reason for being here is over now. Its really time to leave. I pray that this new chapter in my life will help me deal with my loss and all of my sad and empty feelings. Håkan wanted this for me. To go home! The movers are coming on Monday and I'm getting on the plane a few days later. I don't have a job but I have a little money to get me through the first year if I'm careful. I'll have to be careful. I bought a small apartment in a lovely building near all my best friends. I know that will help. I have great friends home in NYC. Again I have to thank all of you on this website. It gives me someplace to talk and share. Somedays I feel like I can't talk to anyone. I pray and hope that all of us find some peace and learn to live a meaningful and happy life once again. Thats what our loved ones would want for us.