It's wonderful for Mama- pitiful for me

by Whitney
(South Carolina)

Mom had lived through some horrific things in her life: an alcoholic and abusive home, rape, having to give her 1st born son up for adoption, and having an abortion. She married my Dad and later became a Christian. Boy, did it take! She loved Jesus like crazy because He loved her and she taught us kids everything she learned from the Bible, us and dozens of neighborhood kids in a children's Bible study each week. I never knew Mom had it rough growing up because she treated us so well. She had actually read child psychology books to learn how to foster good self-esteem into us because her own self-esteem had been trashed growing up. Mom was our cheerleader, always telling us we were great and could do anything because we were so talented and smart etc. She later joked that she might have gone a little too far in building our self-esteem (and I know my sister-in-law agrees with that!). Mom lived her life for others. She worked as a church counselor, fed the hungry, always had a heart for the "unwanted" or hurting people. She was my best friend. Even when I was in high school, I would be so happy to get home and go straight into Mom's room so I could sit on her bed and just talk for hours. Mom had a lot of physical problems and was bed-bound often, but those times are some of my best memories. I wish Mom's life was pure joy but it wasn't. Marriage is hard and sometimes people have sin they struggle with. My Dad struggled and left Mom to heal the pain of infidelity. She was determined to keep the family together and went through the process of forgiveness, though the pain seemed to linger. Mom also endured the pain of false accusations and a nasty church split, getting wounded by Christians who didn't act like Christ. Eventually she spiraled down to the point of having to be committed to a mental institution for a few weeks. This came when 6 of our family members died in one year's time. Sadly, Dad picked up his old sinful habits involving women and Mom couldn't take it anymore. She took too much prescription medication and overdosed. God had mercy. She did not die immediately and was put in critical care. She was on life support, but it was taken out one day when it was only her and me alone. This ended up being her only coherent state when she could speak before her death and there I was with her, alone, what a privilege! The 1st thing she said to me was that Dad told her he didn't love her anymore. I told her she was in the hospital because she had taken too much prescription medication and she nodded. I then asked her if she had taken too much on purpose and she said yes. I asked her if she was trying to commit suicide and she said no. She told me that her body felt like it was dying and I asked her if she wanted to die and she said yes. I told her we needed to pray, then. I led her in a prayer of forgiveness of Dad and others, asking God to forgive all her sins and for taking too much medicine and asking God for mercy. Her tube had to be put back in shortly after that. I was the only one allowed to speak with her. I am so happy that Jesus received Mom into His kingdom and that her pain and struggles in life are over, but boy, is it another story for me living without her.

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