I've hit the fourth stage
(Gosport, Hampshire, UK)
Already I feel better. Having found this site, and reading the 'seven stages of grief' I realise I've hit the fourth stage, the one of deep despair, withdrawal,and hopelessness, with an almighty bang.
It even mentions that this stage often happens about eight months after the bereavement, which is where I find myself now. My wonderful man died on January 5th 2010, after forty years of togetherness.
He'd already been suffering from ill health for about five years before being diagnosed with lung cancer in January 2008. I think I started the grieving process the day he was diagnosed. Not that I showed that to him or the rest of the world. In fact many of our friends and family were shocked when they realised the seriousness of his illness, as apparently I'd been telling everyone he was fine, with a smile on my face.
I cannot believe, how, all these months down the line, I've suddenly collapsed, emotionally, as well as physically. Being a small business owner, which brings me my only form of income, even during the very worst days of his illness, and subsequently his death, I managed to keep the business going.
I'm sure there were people who thought I was cold and heartless, but I know deep down it was my way of coping.
Now I'm not coping. I cry continuously, I cannot face people, not even my own family; and as for my business, well, I haven't made a business call for two weeks.
But that's ok. The worst that could possibly happen to me has already happened, eight months ago, and now I just have to get through this stage of my grief, as best I can.