I've missed you for so long but now your actually gone

by Carrie
(Houston, TX)

My mom suffered a stroke in 1999. She has deteriorated ever since. The last few years have been the worst. Monday, October 1st my mom passed away quietly in her sleep. She was 80 years old and had spent the last 12 in her bed at home. I knew this was coming. My whole family had prepared for it. She really hadn't been with us in a mental capacity in the last few years at all. it now its so final. The woman who loved me so much, so unconditionally is REALLY gone now. Part of me is so happy for her to have moved on the other half just wants my mom. I have missed her so much over the years. I thought I was more prepared for this. My heart is breaking. I want my mom back

Comments for I've missed you for so long but now your actually gone

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Oct 07, 2012
Sorry
by: Molly

Sorry for your loss. My dad suffered a stroke in Sept of 2003 and died July 14 2012, I know how hard it is to see a parent get worse and worse. I lost my dad 9 years ago mentally and 3 months ago physically. 9 years is a long time and I wish he didn't have to suffer so long. I miss him so much. He was only 68. I wish you peace and comfort. I know the relief that they aren't suffering anymore, but the sadness and emptiness is overwhelming that they are gone. So very sorry.

Oct 05, 2012
You're not alone
by: Cynthia

Carrie -I just lost my mom last week too. She was 80 and had suffered from 3 previous strokes since 2001. After her initial strokes she was never the same, physically and mentally. Finally losing her last week was like losing her for the second time, only it was final.
There is such a juxtaposition when this happens -you want them to finally be at peace, as you know they have not been so for a very long time; and then you don't want them to go either. When the doctors told me, "she's not far from death now", I found myself saying "wait! not yet". As she continued to hang on and not pass, I pleaded with the universe to please end her suffering. It was horrible.
You've wanted them back for a very long time and you know that now, there is no chance of getting her back as there may have been before. Though you've known the mother you once knew has been gone for a long time. To not have faith that something would be different would go against every ounce of faith she has ever taught you -you have to believe that she will get better -and now with her death, it's final. She will not.
I want my mom back too -but the only solice I get is knowing that I don't want her back in the frail and fragile body that the strokes had left behind, Now, she is free from the pain and suffering she herself could not heal.
I feel you pain, dear Carrie, and all the best to you as you go through this difficult journey.

Oct 03, 2012
My prayers for Carrie
by: Linn

Carrie, I know the sadness and emptyness that you must be feeling right now and I am so sorry. Our mothers are with us from birth so is it any wonder that we can't see our life without them. My mother past away in 1989 and I could not talk about her without crying for five years. I did not think I would ever get over that loss and I also was not prepared for losing her. My life was a mess after she died and I would not want that for anyone. I know I will see my mother again and that gives me hope. My mother's life was a very hard one and she had to face such sad and lonely times with the loss of five children before she died as well as the loss of her mother and grandmother and my father as well. She wrote poetry and we have a collection of all her poems that tell of a life of sadness but one that maintained strong faith in the Lord and how he comforted her during her life. I cannot say any magic words that will take your pain away, I wish I could. It will take time Carrie, and I do know some of the things that helped me and would like to pass that along. I don't think at first anything helps but praying and being close to those that are still with us. On the day of my mothers funeral, I went to her home and sleep in her bed. Some told me that they could not have done that, but for me it brought me so much comfort. I later started writing in a journal and would talk to my mother as if she were with me. I went through a dark time of my life and would like to say to you to wait at least a year before making any big decisions. I made decisions that I was sorry for later. I do know that the horrible pain goes away after a determined time that only you will know. For me it seems that the love that my mother had for me comforted me during that time, and still does to this very day. I pray that God will send you little reminders daily of his love for you. This for me was in very small things like a warm breeze, Seeing a beautiful bird resting in a tree close to my window, or reading the cards people had sent seemed to comfort me in ways that nothing else could. My mother also loved wind chimes and it reminds me of her when I hear that beautiful sound. I was able to move on Carrie and someday you will too, but now you have to be on this sad journey that someday will be less painful. May God bless you now and in the future.

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