Jacob 20 y/o, 11/20/11
I have lost my son. He was killed in a single car accident in November, 2011. We had just had a really stupid fight. He said he loved me and I shut the door, I didn't say it back, I was so mad at him. He didn't show up at his Dad's house, we spent the whole night looking for him. The police found his truck in a bridge ravine at 6am. I am devastated. I can't forgive myself. I am so alone and lost without him. He was so happy and was going to propose to his girlfriend on Christmas. He never got to live, experience life and all it had to give. I go to work and do all the normal things, but it's like I'm on auto-pilot. People have forgotten, they have moved on. I can't forget or move on. I can't function. I had just divorced his father after 22 years of marriage, I caused this, it's my fault, it's a truth thats hard to live with.
He was such a giving, caring person. He called me Ma, never Mom. He was tall and big and would give me the best bear hugs. He had a contagious smile and he didnt't know a stranger. He would do anything for anyone. He took care of me, fixing, repairing things. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for me. I always told him I loved him, ALWAYS! As soon as he left I felt guilty and tried to call him, he didn't answer. He died within 10 minutes of leaving. He died instantly, but it eats at me that he spent 12 hours in a ravine, all alone. I looked in that ravine and didn't see his truck. I need to hear from him, I want to tell him I love him, that I am sorry.